General When Breaking Away, Remember To Change All Passwords

[HelloMo80]

I'm not going to recap the whole situation with me and my ex. I had a relapse in contact with him recently but I'm back to NC due to a situation where he emailed me horrible things.

Blocked all Facebook, email and other correspondence and encouraged my family members to do the same. They responded favorably.

However, I forgot about my Skype account. When we were together he said he would never use Skype to contact me while he was overseas because he didn't use Skype period. I use it to contact my family though and I have an account. I logged in last month to chat my sis and I only had 5 contacts and NO ADDRESS BOOK. I repeat, no address book whatsoever. I never imported my phone contacts because I don't use my Skype phone feature. Just the video.

I log in today to Skype a friend and when I went to add her profile to my contacts I opened my homepage and saw an address book tab at the top. Never saw that before so I thought it was a new feature. Clicked on it and literally HUNDREDS of names and phone numbers, 95% female, were imported into my account. These numbers were from women I know he knew. He never used my Skype when we were together. And if he had, I certainly would have noticed an entire address book before. I rarely use my Skype so I have a limited number of contacts and no phone numbers saved. Now...hundreds. Icing on the cake? I had to re-download Skype a month ago because it disappeared from my applications on my computer. I have done this once before and didn't have any extra/outside information attached.

To top it off, I have to delete them one by one to get rid of them. SMH. I'm considering just chucking this account and beginning a new one.

Just a word to the wise, when you go NC with an ex suffering from PTSD, make sure you change all your passwords. I hate that I had to see all the pics of girls he contacted and cheated on me with (some of them, not all, but still) because I'm quite sure he logged into my account. I've entertained other options, but none make sense.

Sigh...so a word of advice based on my own experiences of disengaging.

Hope everyone is well.

 

[Whitneys story]

I am sorry you have had to experience this. It is a good reminder that we never know what can happen.

 

[myvetswife]

But I think that can happen even with somebody without PTSD.

 

[LC23]

Just a word to the wise, when you go NC with an ex suffering from PTSD, make sure you change all your passwords.

Uh, I don't know if you meant to do this or not, but by saying that, you seem to be implying that all people with PTSD are cheating, philandering jerks-in-waiting, which is not in the least bit accurate. I have dated a sociopath who was also a PTSD survivor who was also a cheating, philandering jerk, but I've also known other people with PTSD who are considerate, decent human beings and can treat their significant others with respect.

PTSD people come in all different emotional styles. I've never treated any person I've dated in the way you describe, and I don't appreciate being lumped in with trash like that. I'm pretty sure many of the survivors here (who, like me are doing their damnedest to live a good life and be good to those who love us), feel the same way. I'm sure you'd feel the same way if you substituted [some attribute that describes you that has nothing to do with your capacity for ethical behavior] instead of [ex suffering from PTSD].

 

[HelloMo80]

To the last poster, you are right. I'm sorry. I learned a lot about PTSD but there are still blindspots. At times, I know that my ex had to be dealing with something more than PTSD for him to be.the type of person he was. Since PTSD is the only diagnosis he officially has I know that I connect a lot of his actions to the disorder. That you for setting me straight that this disorder doesn't make someone do horrible things like this.

I'm sorry my words of caution were so misguided and offensive. I might request.to have the post removed.

 

[Venusian]

HelloMo.. I am sorry for what your ex put you through. You don't have to have PTSD to be abusive and many PTSD sufferers have abusive exs. This post is a good reminder for everyone that is leaving any relationship, that changing passwords is always a good idea. Even with the best of intentions an ex can be an unwelcome intrusion in your private life online but your ex sounds like his intentions were not. Your post just demonstrates how that can happen.

I hope that you do get a new account and life settles down for you now that you are away. PTSD is not an excuse for abuse.

 

[HelloMo80]

Thanks. Like I said, I'm still learning about this disorder even after the fact and I do feel terrible for suggesting that PTSD is the cause for what he did. I don't want people to believe that I attribute bad character to this disorder. I do see a lot of people in this area who post and they are dealing with a multitude of behaviors from their significant other or spouse and it seems the disorder manifests itself different in everyone, but a few common threads remain.

In the future, I will take into account the individual I was dealing with as a separate person, not someone who is the poster-child for PTSD behaviors.

 

[BloomInWinter]

PTSD is never an excuse for stalking.

Call the police, every time. They should be able to contact SKYPE for you and get that account deleted asap.

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

Just one suggestion...please reject it if it isn't helpful.

A simple message on your facebook wall to alert your friends and family of the truth can help you head head off some problems.

"A person who I've tried to remove from my life is currently involved in actions which are meant to be hurtful and damaging. Please make my account not show up in your news feed, and do not share my posts. If you receive any communications which appear to be from me, but are in any way unacceptable, please message me immediately. Thank you so much for your support during this trying time."

Then your friends can come to your aid. ...and it'll be harder for him to dupe them for long.

Only do this of course if you're safe.