When Did You Know...

[Sqweak]

[ In other words, you might hit a brick wall of your own - and the result will be that you end up skydiving in a big orange jumpsuit when you least expect it. ;)

Orange is my favorite color btw although I don't wear it very often - but only b/c I always wear red lipstick and it clashes! :p

Aw Mitz, That's so adorable I'm happy you're happy! I kinda like things the way they are though. Purple is my favoite color! I can't actually wear it but I still love it .:kisses: BTW I love read lipstick, I wear it all the time. :)

 

[Deaf Global Nomad]

Thank you for sharing all of your wisdom! My brain is still spinning and I am trying to process everything. I absolutely love this forum!

I cannot possibly imagine being in a relationship with someone. The reasons are many: I don't trust people. I am afraid to trust people. I do not feel worth it or that I deserve it. Who would want me anyway? I would be afraid of someone controlling me. I am afraid of being hurt. At the moment my symptoms are much too bad. I would have no idea how to go about finding someone, let alone keeping someone interested. I make a better bookworm and scientist than a person in a relationship. There are probably many more that I can't come up with off the top of my head...

The big irony is that I knew that when I was in first grade... or should I say I already believed that in first grade. Ironically, I have an easy time imagining others in happy relationships and I am genuinely happy for people. I am good at friendships, both at making friends and keeping them. People tend to trust me. Still...

 

[Mitzi]

Aw Mitz, That's so adorable I'm happy you're happy! I kinda like things the way they are though. Purple is my favoite color! I can't actually wear it but I still love it .:kisses: BTW I love read lipstick, I wear it all the time. :)

Hey squeak, whatever is comfortable for you is what you should do! Anyone who wears red lipstick is OK in my book, always. ;) And purple looks awesome with red lipstick.

 

[Mitzi]

Thank you for sharing all of your wisdom! My brain is still spinning and I am trying to process everything. I absolutely love this forum!

I cannot possibly imagine being in a relationship with someone. The reasons are many: I don't trust people. I am afraid to trust people. I do not feel worth it or that I deserve it. Who would want me anyway? I would be afraid of someone controlling me. I am afraid of being hurt. At the moment my symptoms are much too bad. I would have no idea how to go about finding someone, let alone keeping someone interested. I make a better bookworm and scientist than a person in a relationship. There are probably many more that I can't come up with off the top of my head...

The big irony is that I knew that when I was in first grade... or should I say I already believed that in first grade. Ironically, I have an easy time imagining others in happy relationships and I am genuinely happy for people. I am good at friendships, both at making friends and keeping them. People tend to trust me. Still...

Of course you deserve it - and I like you already, I can tell. :)

But being afraid is of course very real, and I think the best thing is being where you need to be now. I make a better bookworm than person in a relationship too incidentally, but my husband is a major nerd so I think he likes that.

 

[Deaf Global Nomad]

Of course you deserve it - and I like you already, I can tell. :)

That is very sweet of you! Thank you!

A bookworm and a major nerd... sounds like a perfect combination!

I think the best thing is being where you need to be now

I definitely agree with that too. I am learning so much every day, about things I could have never imagined. For me my medical leave just seems to be stretching out indefinitely. I think I am getting antsy, where I am stuck at. I powered through school with my dream ahead of me. Just before the end I crumbled from the symptoms I had been masking for so long. Now I am picking up the pieces to make a more complete me. However, social isolation is a big piece of my symptoms. It is partially because of the PTSD and partially because I am Deaf. I tend to be the freak wherever I go. Luckily, I have my service dog, Bright at my side at all times. He is an absolute social butterfly. That does help me get out and interact with people, even if superficially.

 

[Mitzi]

I went through social isolation myself too - big time - and sometimes when the flashbackes and nightmares are bad I do tend to want to hide from the world.

Your dog sounds wonderful - and four legged friends can be just as important and supportive (if not sometimes more so) that two legged ones. Superficial interaction is not a small thing, it's important too I think. And I'd just like to say that I personally think being a "freak" is a good thing. "Freaks" are interesting and are what makes the world go around. Normal is boring - plus, who is normal anyway? :funnyfaces:
< Edited to remove unnecessary quote>

 

[Deaf Global Nomad]

Thank you very much for sharing your experiences with social isolation, Mitzi. It feels good not being alone.

Bright is absolutely wonderful. He's extremely gentle, but can become excited when we're doing something new or something we both love (e.g. winter camping). He stays by my side, but on days when I am doing better he can enjoy other people, too. We have a lot of fun together, whether it is at home or out and about.

I agree with you that being a freak can be a good thing. I would rather be a freak than boring normal. Life is more interesting this way. Just sometimes I think it would be nice or fun to fit in with a group briefly. At the same time my uniqueness always makes me think of larger questions. As learning is my absolute favorite thing to do, it is perfect.

Who knows? Maybe on the day I expect it least I will be swept off my feet by someone who genuinely cares for me (and mutually of course)... Time will tell. For now Bright and I make a nice pair...

 

[anndeb]

What happened to just plain friendships in all this discussion about relationships? I guess I must not be in a place to be ready or attracted to anyone 'special' because I regard all my friends as loving and vital to me and my well being. And yes, I love them and they love me, maybe not in a romantic sense, but in a very real way nonetheless I think.

I love CB's idea of being content to work on herself and let the chips fall where they may with other people. I think I do the same. And life is working out for me in a way that is more satisfying to me than when I was searching for a 'relationship' with one other special person.. Besides whenever I had found one in the past, it turned out to be pretty unhealthy and even abusive in the end. Just goes to show I have a lot of work to do on myself I guess.

Thanks everyone for their posts on this subject.. it's a very important and at the same time very difficult one I think. :wave::thankyou:

<capital 'I's corrected by Brucielucy>

 

[Deaf Global Nomad]

What happened to just plain friendships in all this discussion about relationships?

You are definitely right! Friendships are essential. In my life for sure friendships play a much larger role than romantic relationships. Actually, romantic relationships simply do not play a role at all. I did not mean to imply that they do. I am simply starting to question if it is possible.

Friendships are probably the most important relationships we have in our lives beyond or in addition to parental figures. Friendships can come in any form, shape, or size, which is the wonderful thing. There are so many human connections that fit under friendships. I benefit from all of these. Real friends cannot see one another for quite some time and upon reconnection can continue where they left off. I have real friends from decades ago, whom I have not seen in decades but with whom I can carry on in-depth conversations via technology as if no time had passes.

Some friends live close by but we do not often have a chance to get together. They are often extremely busy with work, family, etc... That also does not mean we do not care about each other. If one of us needs something we call on each other and it is great.

My trust in people is always an issue. I have been hurt so many times. I have a lot of work left to do on me so that people do not take advantage of me (among other things). Standing up for myself is an important skill I need to learn in all kinds of relationships.

There are so many things important to consider in friendships. As much as I am trying I cannot think of them all at once. So I might have to continue this write-up at a later time.

Thank you very much anndeb for bringing up the issue! Thinking about all of this put a huge smile on my face...

 

[Springer80]

Is being total independent is right? I've been trying to be that for ages and at the same time loving and close. I've been trying to get my life in order so I could prove to myself that anything romantic I got involved in was not a dependent relationship. Now I've gotten ill and all I long for is someone to hold me. That can't be wrong be I feel it wouldn't be balanced somehow and I'd be putting myself at a disadvantage and potentially putting too much strain on a partner. I wish I didn't question all this stuff and I could just trust falling in love.