When Do You Share And Tell?

[NomadHeart]

I have a question for both sufferers and carers. :doh:

When is the best time to disclose this part of you to someone you care about? I've been talking to a friend from my childhood who has no idea about my personal life. I told him I was going away for a few months but never told him where. (ip treatment for my ed and ptsd). Now that we are talking more I'm wondering what to do. Do I keep trying to make light conversations and distract personal questions or do I tell him whats going on? And how much do I tell? I don't want to blindsight him when I have a flashback or something and he's around but I don't want to see as damaged as I am.

Thanks

 

[kers]

I think that's a personal decision, honestly, one that's different for everyone.

I have two friends who know I have PTSD, thought they don't know details. I get myself alone whenever I have a flashback or my symptoms kick up. Being seen at those times would be horrible for me.

If you feel comfortable sharing, I would evaluate why and what the possible response might be. That will help you gauge whether the time and person is right.

 

[Frankie]

Hi Nomad,

My exbf is the one that has ptsd. I met him on a chatroom, he told me he had ptsd after about 2 weeks of chatting together. I had no idea what ptsd was, he only explained what the disorder meant and how he got it...but only went in details after we were together for about 2 months. He slowly opened up to me and expressed his feelings and emotions and what he had gone through. He then told me he was on medications and seeing a phsychiatrist.

It is a very personal decision when and if to tell. But I truly believe that it is always a good thing to share as much or little as you want. I guess for everyone it is different, but trust is so important and my exbf trusted me enough to tell me and share with me all he went through and still was going through.

And also, by knowing about his ptsd, I was able to better help him and understand his moods.

Frankie

 

[Tinyflame]

And Frankie- he was obviously a great judge of character- recognized (correctly so) your compassion, intelliegence, respect for him, etc.

 

[Frankie]

Junebug, thank-you, very touching what you just said:Hug_emoticon:

Frankie

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear Frankie,

You are very welcome, but it's you that deserves the credit; that is 'who' and 'how' you are.
-True! :smile:

:Hug_emoticon:

 

[Nicolette]

Hi NomadHeart

I have always believed that honesty is the best policy but you also have to be careful of not giving someone too much information too soon.

It was only a short time into my relationship with Anthony that he told me he had PTSD. I didn't know much either than other than what it stood for. He seemed pretty normal to me so I didn't give it much thought until things started getting funny as he started dealing with issues with his ex.

Up until about a year ago I never really connected PTSD = mental illness. Yes I knew it was serious and could only be managed but my interpretation of mental illness was not how Anthony would act when under a lot of stress.

So, based on this my advice would be that if a question is asked, answer it in as simple terms as possible without giving away too much information (don't go and spend an hour explaining PTSD). As you share more open little by little and then perhaps, after you feel safe, give the person something simple to read about PTSD which doesn't highlight mental illness. I find comfort in thinking it is a trauma and stress related illness which has affected the brain versus someone who has been born with a mental illness and has a handicap due to it (just me).

A therapist said that the more 'real' you are, the more of a genuine person you become and that is how you have better relationships with people versus trying to hide or pretend nothing is wrong.

What you also have to remember is if this person is not accepting of your illness and what you share with them - that is their problem and no reflection on you.