When Is Ok To Tell People About Your Ptsd?

[nycowboy]

Hi. When is it ok to tell people you have PTSD?

Like, ok, my wife. That's OK.
Family members, OK if necessary.

What about people like neighbors? In another post, I asked about my newer neighbors that I've gotten off to a rocky start with because of my PTSD. Is it OK to try to talk to them about it even though I don't know them, or can this totally backfire? Or is it something to keep to myself until maybe the right moment arrives?

I'm very puzzled...

 

[desiderata310]

I keep my diagnosis very private. There are two people at work who now know.TWO of my three kids (my third would not be very compassionate) and a best friend who lives on the other side of the country who had guessed the diagnosis before I had ever considered it.

One person at work has PTSD and has actually triggered me pretty bad so I guessed (correctly) that he would understand.
The second person at work is the person that works closest with me. He is a direct report and has seen me get triggered and fight through to keep working. Luckily, I trust this person and he has figured out a couple of huge triggers and has run interference for me.

Can it backfire? I would say yes. It doesn't need to be common knowledge. People don't understand what happens with PTSD and consider it a mental illness. For some reason people are uncomfortable with the concept of mental illness (even though in reality PTSD ISN'T a mental illness per se) and will walk around with the idea that you are crazy/ dangerous... or worse, go around say , oh, is that a trigger... oh dear... and worry about triggering you. Neither one has the desired result which is compassion and understanding for what you are trying to work through.

If you are worried about your neighbors and how you got off to a bad start, go to them and say just that! "Hey, I am really sorry we got off to a bad start. I don't want there to be bad feelings. I was going through a really bad time when XYZ happened and I responded the wrong way. Please forgive me?" And then YOU have extended the olive branch. If they want to make an ass of themselves they can certainly do so but then it won't be because of you- it really WILL be because of them.

 

[Changing4Best]

I agree with desiderata, do what she suggests.

Neighbors are strange people sometimes. We can choose our friends, but we don't get to choose who will be our neighbors. Nor do they get to choose us! We just have to live near one another, hopefully peacefully.

I have lived in places where neighbors never speak to one another and I live in a place now where everyone communicates to me at least in passing, even if it is just to look me in the eye and smile. Folks are polite and friendly thankfully, so I am pleased with where I live.

In another place once, we lived next to a man we had to call the police on. He lived with his mother and we heard her screaming one day, we'd also felt uneasy about him for some reason. He was in his late forties or fifties even, still living with his mother? So when she screamed and screamed, we called the authorities. Then we went out for a ride in our car and stayed away for several hours. We did not want to be present when the police were there. Thankfully we never heard her screaming again, but that may not have meant that he did not harm her in other ways. We never knew anything more.

 

[WillyKat]

Very difficult question. I haven't told very many people that it's PTSD. I've told several people what happened to me at age 6.

When I set about to tell them about the abuse, my psych at the time asked me to think about every person I wanted to tell individually and give an honest assessment of how they would react. I would advise you do the same. For those that you really can't predict with certainty, I would hold off for now; you can always tell them later. Consider too who might blab it all over so that others find out that you didn't intend.

Another consideration is that many people hear PTSD and right away run away in fright cuz all they've ever heard of it is from the media, which as we know is rarely thorough about such subjects.

And then there's always the unpredictable. I've made two mistakes in telling people about my issues. And that hurts, because you tell people hoping for support and when you don't get support, or worse, get a fear reaction, it cuts pretty deep.

So my two cents, and worth no more than that, is to tread carefully. You might have better results telling about what happened to you than using the very poorly understood term of PTSD.

 

[Candleflames]

I think when, how and who to tell is highly variable. It really comes down to who you are as a person and your comfort level at having no control over the outcome. I know people who have used their own various mental health diagnosis as a platform into awareness and public policy advocacy. I have a friend who wears a bipolar pin and carries pamphlets with her. She'll also answer any question anytime. I really admire her but couldn't be that open myself.

So is it ok to tell your neighbor? Absolutely, you can tell whoever you want. Can it backfire? Absolutely, especially if you want a specific outcome.

Before you decide if it's a good idea to think about how comfortable you are with intrusive questions and having to be "on." People can be very curious and don't seem to know when they are treading onto way to personal ground. This doesn't bother my friend in the slightest but makes me rather irritable. I also can be very crass and vulgar, and that makes me not a very good ambassador. So I don't wear a sign or routinely tell people.

Also what are your motivations for telling the new neighbors? Are you hoping for a certain response like compassion or understanding? That will set you up for a backfire most of all. Are you wanting to explain or give them a heads up of what they might see? That would be nice of you but not necessary. If you did or said something out of line than maybe just an apology without personal details.

Personally I do tell quite a few people who are more than casual acquaintances. That's because I really don't care what peoples reactions are going to be to my diagnosis. If it sends someone running to the hills good riddance. I do care how they react to the whys and hows of my developing ptsd. I hate the looks of pity so I don't talk about that with very many people.

 

[arfie]

I keep it contextual. Perhaps what you called, "Keep it to myself until the right moment." I don't like to keep secrets, but I don't wear it on my sleeve, either. If the subject comes up, I tell as much as pertains to the context at hand. If it never comes up, I let it be.

 

[rightkindofme]

Well, to throw the alternative perspective into the rink, I'm Out. I tell everyone. Yes, my neighbors know. My friends know. I blog very publicly attached to my real name.

I find that being out about my diagnosis has made my life better and increased the number of people I can go to for help. Secrecy was a real problem for me.

But PTSD is one of the more minor things about me that might freak people out. I have many more "off-putting" labels. :)

 

[Anna]

The only people who know are family and a few close friends. I certainly would never disclose my illness to the neighbours or anyone else. I am terrified of people and how they may try to hurt me.

I also agree with Desiderata. She has some very good advice there.

 

[Elizabite]

I have been outed at work because someone was harassing me and I had to stand up. People will either be empathetic or they will be distant I really don't care anymore. I do the same thing with people, it's their decision to make not mine. I'm happy to have a few good friends at best.[DOUBLEPOST=1397570816][/DOUBLEPOST]Or as a friend once said, it's none of my business what they think of me!;)

 

[Deleted member 12723]

In the beginning of my therapy, I was very gullible and naïve and told everyone which led to so much grief for me.

I do not talk about it anymore. I have a few people I can talk about it too, but after so many years I keep it private except for on this forum and with my psychiatrist. I hope this helps.

I was so desperate for people to understand me and that was a huge mistake. I wish you the very best in what you choose.

 

[RoadtoHealing]

I was so desperate for people to understand me and that was a huge mistake. I wish you the very best in what you choose.

I was the same way. The outcome caused me to become isolated as many friends and family never treated me the same again. I became an outcast as a result.I told one neighbor where I live now. He announced ot to the whole floor of my apt. building when he got drunk one night.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I am so sorry that happened to you too. I was also outcasted and no one understood. I am so cautious about what I share now. I think that most people that are unhealthy will not understand at all. I hang out with a few people now, and I do not talk about it at all.

I have been able to put it in the past where it belongs. But there were so many years that it was pure hell. Mine was spread around by gossip too. It was such a huge betrayal to me and to my family.

I wish I knew back then what I have learned now. Some lessons are so painful and costly. I wish you the best in dealing with the betrayal and the gossip and how it has harmed you in so many ways. Hugs.