Childhood When Your Single Parent Has Schizophrenia ..

[Lopezwhere'sthefire]

My history of childhood trauma was made possible by my single mother with schizophrenia who raised my brother and I. We were in essence the parents in the family at ages as young as 5. What do you do when you can tell at age 5 that your sole caregivers sense of reality is wrong. When you are forced to go to palm and tarot card readings at 5 years old. When your destiny is determined by a psychic's readings, or spirit guides messages in dreams. When you have to move every month because the neighbors are sending messages through the walls that they are going to kill us. When you have to ride your bike to the grocery store to buy some food with food stamps and hide in the bushes from your peers so they dont see. When you are physically ripped away from your mother by the childrens shelters staff and put in a padded room at age 7. When you are missing years from your memory. One trauma after another...you can't tell when one ends and the next begins. When you live to age 44 and don't know why you're the way you are.
I'm here now and think I know whats wrong with me and want to fix this. Had to get some of this out. Thanks for listening.

 

[joeylittle]

I grew up with a schizophrenic father. He was not my only parent - although, oddly, he's the only one of the two that I ever spent significant time with.

What I can identify with in your story is the living in delusion-land part. I did not know he was sick, mom never said he was sick for years, not til I was out of the house. And yet, it was clear that things were wrong. He'd see things, hear things, talk to things, talk about those things, and I would just go along with it, because I didn't understand the concept of challenging an adult - what kid does, really? It was constantly disorienting.

But growing up the way you did, having to manage that parent? It must have been so hard, I can barely imagine it.

There are also vast differences between people with schizophrenia, and how it manifests. Sounds like your mother was heavy on the persecution and paranoia symptoms. My father was (and is) much more benign. He would go through more intense periods, but he'd mostly isolate himself, or, my mother could put energy into isolating him. So in that regard, I'm very lucky.

When you are physically ripped away from your mother by the childrens shelters staff and put in a padded room at age 7.

Do you mind if I ask, why were you institutionalized?

 

[ladee]

@Lopezwhere'sthefire , I am so happy you are here !! You are with a community of caring, validating, hopeful people , so we hope it helps with your healing journey..Take your time. we will be here.

 

[Lopezwhere'sthefire]

I grew up with a schizophrenic father. He was not my only parent - although, oddly, he's the only o...

Thank you for listening. We learned quickly not to question her reality. She answered that swiftly and with fury. You actually should never question a schizophrenic at all because things really go haywire if you do.
To answer your question about being institutionalized, She was the one actually who voluntarily committed herself more than once. She took me to a childrens shelter on her way there. Because of the meltdown I had being ripped away from her, they put in one of those padded rooms for my own protection I guess. They left me alone in there for a few hours, then took me to the big room with all the kids. In my perception at the time, it was like being thrust into a prison. Completely terrifying when your only protector puts you in a place like that.

 

[Lopezwhere'sthefire]

@Lopezwhere'sthefire , I am so happy you are here !! You are with a community of carin...

Thank you for that support, Ladee :)

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I cannot imagine the childhood pain that you have experienced. I am glad you are here because there are so many supportive people here.:hug:

 

[Lopezwhere'sthefire]

I cannot imagine the childhood pain that you have experienced. I am glad you are here because there are s...

Thank you Gizmo. Yeah, I'm glad I found this place too. All of us who have certain things in common in the same place with no judgement. Can't beat that!! Thank you for your support.

 

[Socha]

I can relate to your post in a lot of ways. I sensed there was something wrong with my mother's sense of reality from a pretty young age too and like your mother she was drawn to esoteric things and strange religious believes. When I was about 12 years old I woke up one day because a guy with a drowsing rod tried to find "the source of what made me evil" in my bedroom. At her worst episodes she also believed I was cooperating with the intelligence service or was in cahoots with her doctor and wanted to poison her with the meds she was prescribed for the schizophrenia so she put them in my food. My older abusive brother was more or less burdened with the responsibility to take care of me and raise me when she couldn't.

I'm glad you've found this place. :)

 

[Lopezwhere'sthefire]

I can relate to your post in a lot of ways. I sensed there was something wrong with my mother's sense of...

Wow Socha, thats eerily similar! I also had an older brother (5 years), so that was fortunate, but he's as messed up as me. Trying now to soften him up with the idea of all of this (ptsd). My mom had witchcraft books, astrology, numerology, tarot, psychics, palm readings, ouija boards, you name it! Scary environment to grow up in! So cool that you can relate to that.

 

[Socha]

She didn't go as far as witchcraft and those things. It was more about bad energy, aura and things like drowsing rods.
She didn't practice it on a regular basis but it got worse when she was close to another episode and she used to believe I was involved in some kind of conspiracy against her in one way or another.

 

[Lopezwhere'sthefire]

She didn't go as far as witchcraft and those things. It was more about bad energy, aura and things like d...

That's terrible that you became a part of that paranoia. Thankfully, I don't think my brother or I became a part of her delusions, but we certainly suffered from the fallout from them. She didn't practice witchcraft I dont think, but she just had all these supernatural books and beliefs.

 

[forgottensore]

I'm sorry to hear about your experiences with your own parents @Lopezwhere'sthefire , @Socha and @joeylittle but it also makes me feel so relieved that there are others out there like you who still challenge those similar memories from the past.

I have also been growing up with a schizophrenic single mom. And although I have two older sisters, I mostly lived with my mom alone, as my middle sibling has been taken care of by close relatives straight from birth on and my eldest sister moved out to my grandmother when I was about 4 years old. Up until today I'm not really sure when my schizophrenic mom's delusions really started, but I remember talking to her about the hidden cameras which were installed by the police in our flat to observe both of us all day when I was maybe 7 or 8 years old. I just then had this shocking realisation, that she is not making these stories up, but that she is going crazy. For years on end she had sometimes very vivid delusions and stories about police men or the CIA tapping / filming our house, about her being followed by them on the street and about people in general talking or "knowing too much" about her. At some point she also confessed that she was hearing voices which made me even more worried. I was often so scared that she would include me into her paranoid narrative someday as well and combined with her extreme mood swings and regular anger fits, I was most of the time just afraid that she might hurt me physically or try to kill me some day.

It was not only lonely, but also so scary to grow up with a "parent" like her.
Having to deal with both her schizophrenic and bipolar unpredictability each day for about a decade, I still don't dare to this very day to contact her in any way since I moved out from home.

How is it with you @Lopezwhere'sthefire , @Socha and @joeylittle , do you still have any contact with your former caretakers?