Which Cultural Virtue/Gold Ring Has PTSD Reversed For You?

[Friday]

I was just mentioning in another thread how “thinking of others before yourself” is something a lot of people with an abuse background have to reverse… as the hypervigilance of always always always being aware of what others are thinking/feeling/doing; what they want, might want, will want; anticipating needs / wants / desires / moods… becomes paramount to surviving.

PERSONALLY?

It’s the “living in the moment” BS that makes me want to bang my head against a brick wall. I have to work reeeeeally hard NOT to live in the moment. But to see a future. And, failing the future being a real place? Act as if it is.

How about you?

Are the masses working towards one goal whilst you’re trying your darndest to do the opposite?

 

[Survivor3]

I think it's ideal for me anyway to find a happy place and live in it regardless of what others are doing. I got that from one of my old college teachers. What's your "happy place"? The place of safety that is always grounding. To do your own thing in society "so long as your not a danger to yourself or others". The constant state of awareness and hyper-vigilance takes alot of energy and is really f*cking draining and I've learnt to become alot more aware of other people's feelings although I have always been kind natured but sometimes it was hard to show that when paralysed with fear.

Over the last 4 years I've had to learn "how to be more human" emotional intelligence etc.. social skills and such like and I'm going to give myself a "pat on the back" and say I've done pretty good at it! Maybe I'll always be a bit of a loner but hey, I'm enjoying my progress and I'm happy with life in general now and who I've become.

That same teacher admitted though that he pretty much "hated everyone"!!

I guess I'm a quiet rebel because I'm trying to be a original artist as a musician and choreographer. Trying to respect and revere the artists I've admired whilst at the same time standing out hoping to be seen and make a success of myself. I'm not a natural extrovert though. More a confident introvert.

 

[scout86]

Can I just say that I love it that you come up with these thought provoking questions? (I guess I can, because I just did.)

This is kind of a small thing, but it's the best example I can think of for me. personally. I totally don't get the attachment most people feel for their mothers. People cry out for their mothers while they're being killed for heaven's sake. And some part of me says "Yeah? So she can HELP? Help who???" I never hated her. Didn't like her much, but felt and feel no connection at all. I'm guessing that's a PTSD related thing. I liked my dad. I'm not sure I can say I was really "attached" to him either though. Maybe "attachment" is what I don't get..... Although I've been attached to friends, I think. And critters. And my old T DID comment a couple times that he was glad to see I was "capable of being attached to ANYTHING"..... Yeah, I guess that's it. "Attachment"

 

[No More]

Learning how to do less.
Most people are trying to do more, fit more in. I have to learn how to sit with my thoughts rather than trying to exercise or busy myself out of them.

 

[Survivor3]

Learning how to do less.
Most people are trying to do more, fit more in. I have to learn how to sit with my thoughts rather than trying to exercise or busy myself out of them.

I can relate to that alot. That's really important thank-you.

 

[enough]

trying to get some reciprocity from a particular human is hard enough. Trying to feel like the human race will show any kind of gratitude is pointless, an exercise in futility. To feel entitled to it is outside my bandwidth. It feels like narcisism to think about having that view.
I do what i can, look for a need, give time and sweat rather than just giving money. And i have to ignore the lack of reciprocity that has been the face of the human race as long as i can remember, otherwise i would just cut all ties and live in resentment, sorry i had ever done anything beyond taking care of myself.
that would be a sad reversal.

 

[jaccat]

The belief that you care for your parents as they age no matter what. Not if they haven't earned my care. It drives me nuts how often that one crops up. Mine may not be around any more but I'm not going to be made to feel guilty about my choice.

I think there's something about the way I view honesty that's PTSD related. People find me uncomfortably blunt at times, but I can't bear those who try to soften things or prevaricate to make people feel better.

 

[No More]

I think there's something about the way I view honesty that's PTSD related. People find me uncomfortably blunt at times, but I can't bear those who try to soften things or prevaricate to make people feel better.

Interesting, that is absolutely me to a T. I hate people trying to waffle around things gently and softly. Feckin spit it out man

Had no idea that was ptsd related, thought it was just me!

 

[Freddyt]

I have to work reeeeeally hard NOT to live in the moment. But to see a future. And, failing the future being a real place? Act as if it is.

Agree. One of the things I never realized until probably January this year was how my PTSD distorts my sense of time. I was accepted for support in December, they needed some information sent to them and sent a letter during the Christmas break. I was upset because of "how long it took" and my wife pointed out it was January 4th.
It seemed like Christmas was ages ago......

I use a bit of golf psychology (yet again) to remind myself about it. If you leave your putts short all the time start looking at all the space between the cup and the edge of the green. When you focus on the cup - it becomes the edge of the world, the cliff, and you don't want to go over the edge. When you see space behind it - then you see there's a place you can miss.....and still be safe.

It's reminds me to look ahead to appointments and events - and improves time perspective.

 

[Jlol]

Kind of inline with the original post, it's been hard for me, a male with a suspected narcissist female partner, to navigate the cultural expectations of being the man in the relationship - being a provider, a emotionless "rock", stoic, protective, etc - with my C-PTSD symptoms of constantly being concerned about what my partner is thinking, feeling, and wanting and if I'm failing her.

 

[whiteraven]

It’s the “living in the moment” BS that makes me want to bang my head against a brick wall.

Hm...interesting. Being in the moment is the ONLY thing that has helped me. I have a lot of trouble doing it, though.

Are the masses working towards one goal whilst you’re trying your darndest to do the opposite?

Pulling back, accepting that not-doing is the only way to get through this godawful existence. Not doing what others think I should or what I think is right for me based on my past.

Hard to know how much is avoidance (my anxiety level is super high of late) and how much is actually a good thing. Don't care. Oh, that's another thing. Stop pushing myself to give a shit.

 

[Charbella]

For me it’s attempting to let go of what normal people think grief should look like. When everyone thinks you should be crying and you aren’t they assume you’re not sad. I’m sorry I can’t wear my emotions on my sleeve for your sake. When your survival is dependent on no one knowing what’s going on in your head you get damn good at it. If I say I’m sad I’m just that, be happy I’ve told you at all or just leave me alone because you clearly can’t help.