Green pastures
Platinum Member
Hi. Little introduction of myself. No much I want to say. I'm here because about 2 months ago I started seeing a therapist. I HAD TOO. LIFE WAS KILLING ME. anyway. Repressed memories came to life ..and the memories are not what I like to think or talk or admit. So I won't now. Anyway. I've been on here a couple says reading ...absorbing ....thinking ..OMG that is exactly how I feel or think or damn that makes perfect sense of how I feel the way I do. Anyway. I say that to convince myself yeah I need to be here.
So anyway as I was reading ...I read. .."daydreaming is the beginning of disassociation" is that true? If so then damn. I've been that for as long as I can remember. Cause the daydreams areby just simple fleeting thoughts they are stories that last for a very long time. Places I'd go...and have learned recently not to go there ...anyway. I guess I write ..no I mean I do write my feelings thoughts memories down...I have off and on for as long as I can remember. ..lately. ..I've been doing it almost 2 times a day. Sometimes it is for hours. The memories. .words thoughts . Won't stop. If I'm going to be writing them .....what good is it if I don't do something about it. So that is why I tried to find someplace I could go to do just that. And from the things I have read. I think I'm in the right place.
I'm scared.
Anxious
and today did not start out good at all.
My kids drove me insane and my husband was gone for 3 hours. I tried so hard to not dissociate. ..but I had to ...to function. ..so I wouldn't yell at my kids. So I could try to be present with them and breath. And not feel so much anxiety. . Fear... hyperarousal of all sensations that I wanted to crawl into a ball and just rock back and forth ..which I did for a brief bit. Then realized. If I'm gonna be able to talk to my kids I have to disassociate. I was so frazzled by the time hubby came home. I couldn't talk to him.or look at him. I just grabbed our computer. My phone...and went to our bedroom. Thank goodness he had already agreed to give me time when I need it. Just I was wanting it before I dealt with anyone not the other way around so....I'm all kinds of anxious and numb at the same time.
So that's my long introduction of my life in this moment. Thanks for listening.
So anyway as I was reading ...I read. .."daydreaming is the beginning of disassociation" is that true? If so then damn. I've been that for as long as I can remember. Cause the daydreams areby just simple fleeting thoughts they are stories that last for a very long time. Places I'd go...and have learned recently not to go there ...anyway. I guess I write ..no I mean I do write my feelings thoughts memories down...I have off and on for as long as I can remember. ..lately. ..I've been doing it almost 2 times a day. Sometimes it is for hours. The memories. .words thoughts . Won't stop. If I'm going to be writing them .....what good is it if I don't do something about it. So that is why I tried to find someplace I could go to do just that. And from the things I have read. I think I'm in the right place.
I'm scared.
Anxious
and today did not start out good at all.
My kids drove me insane and my husband was gone for 3 hours. I tried so hard to not dissociate. ..but I had to ...to function. ..so I wouldn't yell at my kids. So I could try to be present with them and breath. And not feel so much anxiety. . Fear... hyperarousal of all sensations that I wanted to crawl into a ball and just rock back and forth ..which I did for a brief bit. Then realized. If I'm gonna be able to talk to my kids I have to disassociate. I was so frazzled by the time hubby came home. I couldn't talk to him.or look at him. I just grabbed our computer. My phone...and went to our bedroom. Thank goodness he had already agreed to give me time when I need it. Just I was wanting it before I dealt with anyone not the other way around so....I'm all kinds of anxious and numb at the same time.
So that's my long introduction of my life in this moment. Thanks for listening.
