Hey there
@SameBoat - It's great to hear from you!
I think having a toast to deleting his face/posts off
your social media is a grand idea. It's certainly a unique twist on dumping your ex's belongings on the pavement or burning hardcopies of their photos on a stake in the backyard!
This is the electronic version but just as symbolic! I am there in spirit SameBoat to share in the uplifting experience ha! Of course depending how
many pics you have of him you could get very sozzled doing one at a time. So pace yourself ha! :singing: ...and don't get melancholic if you do get sozzled! Let's celebrate :wacky::roflmao::singing:
Your father must be so proud of you and rightly so. How wonderful that he can not only offer you a sanctuary but also a job so you can get back on your feet at the same time. :)
I understand a lot of the middle east is perilous to Westerner's and even it's own resident's. Clearly travelling/living/working in the Middle East anywhere carries risks. However your father would not allow you to come unless he was confident you would be ok. Of course you would know that it doesn't matter where you go in the world - you have to be careful and respectful of culture and tradition. And sadly
just being a female means you need to add another layer of behavioural awareness and risk assessment
everywhere you go - home or overseas. You did say in an earlier post that you are experienced living off your home ground.
It's a good plan and I am happy for you. Well done you! :)
One of my sons travels extensively and stays in places that are unstable. He tells me he is careful. Please SameBoat..be careful too!:hug:
I am pleased you have blocked your ex. It might take a little time but I'm hoping a layer of tension will lift knowing for certain you will not get any messages or calls. This is the thing with phones, texting...they are so in your face and so immediate. They can take a day where one was feeling ok even really good :) and bam..text/email arrives = worry, anger and despair.:arghh; In an instant and at someone else's whim. So it may take a little while but I hope you notice the 'absence' of his texting in a good way soon.
I think him telling you about other women in his life and his other rubbish talk shows to you that he is finding the reality of his new life without you a lot harder than he wants you to think. It also lifts the facade on his character and reveals him... to you. But you knew that side of him existed anyway. It sounds ugly and you certainly do not need ugly. You have better standards SameBoat and he is behaving well below them.
He certainly doesn't seem to be trying to learn from your departure and it appears he is continuing to engage in the same vicious cycle with any female that strays onto his path. All you can do is feel sorry for them because the party will be over soon for them too. Oh he will manage and they (as they come and go) will manage. There isn't a thing you can do about his behaviour. There wasn't when you resided with him and there isn't now. So as much as it must hurt even a little... let that go. He isn't worthy. Give this time SameBoat.:hug:
staying in touch with his mom? I love her dearly and she loves me like a daughter
She is abused by him, not physically but certainly financially and emotionally and she is very much an enabler of his behaviors.
Tough one SameBoat ^^^ The compassionate part of me says of course keep in touch and stay on good terms with this woman. You have a good relationship with her and why not keep her in your life. But the instinctive part of me knows that this carries risk for you because of who she is and your ex's 'authority' over her and her inability to stop being abused...for whatever reason. Not judging here... What a dilemma. :(
I think I would tread very cautiously and you may need to have a 'conversation' with her about
trust. She may find it impossible to resist your ex and his anger and abide his efforts at retaliation or other means of exploitation towards you if he knew there was ongoing communication. That would be dangerous. She may be an unwilling but still complicit party to endangering your safety. Her financial and emotional status are at risk if she doesn't comply or consent to his behaviour. You know how hard that is to resist. You have been there.:cry:
Secretly your ex's mother might want you to both re-unite. She may be getting a lot of extra 'behaviour' from him since you left. You took the heat off her for a long time whether you know it or not. Now he is loose and in even less control so all women in his life are likely targets.
On the flip side... is she keeping you a secret from him already because he may withdraw his financial support? What is she risking to keep the relationship with you going?
And if we toss the coin again... the fact is she
is his mother. There is that blood is thicker than water connection. Even if she knows it is a terrible relationship she has with him. Can she be manipulated by him to endanger you or at least keep him informed about you and your life. Do you want this?
None of the above options are good SameBoat.
When you where there... you knew the boys, the ex wife and his mother were victims of this man's behaviour.
Now you have survived and are going to be successful and love your life
because you have a life and nobody gets to abuse you anymore. But you left behind another life where your ex's victims still remain. I can assure you with time...a lot will leave too. But perhaps not his mother. That relationship might be too entrenched.
Long distance and not too much detail...maybe?...sort of. But visiting her... that is very dicey. 2 hours away turns to 0 if he is already there because he made her tell him what time and where you were arriving. Too risky SameBoat. :stop:
would you say that is a threat?
Yes. It is. Break this down SameBoat. What is he really saying? That he is better than a murderer and you should be grateful he only abused you the way he did? He is also saying that death is an option
for you that he has considered. Doesn't matter in what context...he can dress it up with with the 'lesser man' theory's but he is still really, lividly angry with you for out manoeuvring him and daring to leave and not return. Worse still...he is talking about levels of abuse. So he he is rationalising his actions and giving you comparisons?? His abuse v death. Just lovely isn't it :oops::speechless:
but I would kind of like to get that and put in a storage before I go to my dads.. is that a bad idea?
No..not a stupid question. If it is packed send around some removalists or friends to pick it up. You can pay them over the phone and shout your friends a dinner or something they might like for doing this. Organise the storage facility in a place that is not near his house. All of this can be done
long distance.
However..I agree with
@Sietz and a similar thing happened to me. It was all a huge waste of money in hindsight and the stuff I wanted...well..yes I got to keep a tiny bit..but I had moved on and I kept it all stored
for years and eventually it became the most
expensive :rolleyes: load of stuff that went to landfill or charity I know of. None of it was working, it was all old and I had actually learned to live without it, replaced it or didn't like it anymore...sigh! You are going overseas.:D Your job is a new door opening and who knows where in the world you might finally decide to nest for good. If you can...leave it behind forever... I wish I had!
I just want to add here.. in hindsight if I am brutally honest with myself. I wanted that stuff
back because I felt my ex had taken so much from me already...stuff I couldn't get back. Intangible stuff. And I was making a decision from a place where I felt he betrayed me, he didn't deserve to have my belongings near him. It was all very emotive SameBoat. And...all hugely useless...in hindsight. I am a slow learner it seems.(:p at myself). So maybe if you can do the maths for yourself. Even though you don't really know - what is the absolute minimum time you will be o/seas v. cost of getting & storage or replacement? If you come out equal or it costs to much to keep :eek: (shrug) Leave it..
However if you do want your belongings and your ex resists allowing the removal of your belongings now try a 'free' session with a lawyer or find out your legal rights with a DV counsellor...or can someone in your local church network with someone in a sister church where you belongings are help? Do some research. It is your property at the end of the day. If you cannot afford to do all of this try again when you are working and can afford to. Or maybe a local charity or DV shelter worker can assist with networking and finding a solution.
Just please don't go back to get it. He will be waiting and he is unsafe.
On a happy note...:laugh: I hope you are enjoying the wine and I raise a glass to you and your future job and life. You are a fine example of womanhood and I am very pleased to drink to your future....sip!:playful::wacky:
