Why Are Some Of My Actions Lately Uncharacteristic

[JDM14]

I was recently diagnosed with acute PTSD. I work in corrections and went through a very traumatic experience in which I could have lost my life and witnessed an inmate get shot. I thought I was doing fine but on the advice of my employer I took some time off and saw a Dr whom then diagnosed me. While I have been off it has been good spending time with my family and away from work I have noticed a deeper and deeper reliance on alcohol. Recently I did something way out of my character in front of Co workers and family while extremely intoxicated. This has caused a rift with both coworkers and my family. I feel absolutely terrible, guilty and ashamed.
I just was wondering if my recent actions have anything to do with my diagnosis?
Thank you for any insight you can give me.

 

[Julie50]

I wanted to ask a similar related question so maybe I'll include it here so there aren't parallel conversations going on. My husband has complex PTSD and binge drinks as a coping mechanism. the original approach was an AA one - stop the drinking and he thought he could manage the PTSD. His dissociation includes a different personality which confounds things. Sometimes he dissociates, most often he drinks when he dissociates rarely does he drink now (hidden bottles) outside of a dissociation. Fear and Stress trigger his dissociations. I read someone's blog (not here but could have been copied from here) suggesting that trying to stop the drinking is a waste of time if the trauma hasn't been dealt with ..which for me a former bulemic makes sense (don't tell me to stop purging until u can help me stop binging).He is in counselling and had an EMDR treatment this week so for me it's not even the drinking it's the jerk personality and the lying and the aggressivness that I'm done with. It creates insanity for me! My question is to those who can relate to dissociations in personality...when he drinks/is dissociated I know in an instant and I've never been wrong but he denys it. He's verbally abusive and lies to me about drinking which (from our past) are two of four boundary lines I've set up (no lying and no verbal abuse). This happened again last night...I had the stupid beer cans in my hand and he denied it.....today he says he has a sense....remembers finding the beer and choosing to drink it but doesn't remember the fighting, ,the abuse, doesn't know why he didn't take any of his many alternative options ie self soothing, calling someone going to sleep etc. feels bad about what he said feels bad that he lied to me knowing how important that is for me. Is it likely accurate that he can't control the verbal abuse and the lying when in a dissociated state or could he be using that as something to hide behind (excuse) For the spouses - we're not dissociated...we live through the whole fight and suffer the consequences. I realize that if he stays (I'm at the end of my rope after many years of this predignosis which is why I've been trying to understand the medical model of dissociations @anthony ..) then I have to completely avoid him when he's off. Thoughts?

 

[joeylittle]

Hi, @JDM14; I moved your post into the Medications and Substances forum because the central issue you are asking about is alcohol dependence.

It sounds to me like you are self-medicating. I know many people (myself included) who turn to alcohol first to just take the edge off of the end of the day and "fuzz out" before bed, then need to increase the quantity to get the same effect, then start drinking earlier in the day, and then before you know it you're an alcoholic, by the traditional definition.

It's completely understandable. PTSD is a beast and really rocks your system in all sorts of ways. You could be experiencing anxiety, depression, fatalism, or any of the other symptoms, and whatever association you have with alcohol - whether it's a relaxant, or an indulgence (my drinking problem started before I was consciously aware that my depression had taken over my brain) - that association is causing you to abuse it.

The good news is, it will probably be less difficult for you to stop the behavior if you are catching it early and you are highly motivated, which it sounds like you are.

Are you regularly seeing a therapist to work on your PTSD? That would be the first best thing you could do, get into trauma therapy.

 

[anthony]

I just was wondering if my recent actions have anything to do with my diagnosis?

Yes. It is that simple... PTSD + alcohol use goes hand in hand. It is as stated above, a method of self-medicating to try and self-soothe, numb yourself, numb the negative emotion you're feeling... but the side effect of alcohol is that it lowers your inhibitions, thus the negative emotions can cause some very disturbing behaviour as a side effect, let alone the depressive fallout the day after.

Depending on your symptoms, if you have a lot of anger, then the side-effect could be suddenly fighting with someone. If your symptoms are more emotional based, then a side-effect could be trying to get sexual with someone else. Then you have all the silly behaviour in-between... loud, dancing, yelling, running naked and the list goes on. With your emotional state being unstable (PTSD), mixed with inhibitions being lowered (Drunk), you have a cocktail for disaster.

The best thing you can do with PTSD at parties and functions, is to not drink alcohol, period. Stick to water or soft drink... drive and use that as your excuse for not drinking. If you want to have a drink, leave that for the privacy of your home to help keep your PTSD under control until you have better coping strategies in place.

 

[JDM14]

Thanks all for your quick responses. I do really appreciate any help I can get. @joeylittle I have tried to see a psychologist on a regular basis but was only able to see him for an assessment for insurance about 2 month's ago (a very frustrating process) , the good news is I am going again in a couple of days, in the the mean time I've met with a counsellors a few times and that has gone well and am actually going to bring my wife with me on the next visit.
I have decided to do my best to stop drinking work my way out of the funk that I've been in for the last several months. Thanks again for your insight.