Relationship Why Did He Push Away?

[amethist]

Don't let him back in then mrod, in anyway.

Live your life for you, and stop looking over your shoulder to see if he is still there, close the door and open a new one.

Good luck and take good care of yourself.

 

[Nicolette]

I was watching a movie yesterday and there was this conversation which caught my attention. At one point the man was asked which way was he going to which he replied 'backwards' and they other person asked 'why backwards' to which the man replied 'because I'm looking backwards'...... food for thought!

 

[p-no]

I just don't know how to handle if he tries to make conversation, I don't know how to reply. If I should act like I don't care and be friendly or be short with him and scold him and show how upset I was?

The reason why those who posted after this post of yours is, I am sure (feel free to object, of course), that they have picked up on this. If you keep him out, why add him in the first place? If you will continue not have him in your life, why do you say "I don't know how to reply"? Why not "whether to reply or not"? As choices, you are giving two things, "act like I don't care and be friendly" or "be short with him and scold him...". There is another choice which is delete him. More food for thought.

Another thing: "The No Contact Rule" by Natalie Lue -- helped me tremendously to proactively let go. Whenever (literally) I thought of him, I would make it an automatism to pick up the book and read. Like, not even get into thinking about him, just set an alarm "pick up NCR" when [name] appeared anywhere (in my thoughts, on facebook, etc.).

To be honest, I wonder where your anger is. I found access to mine with this "The Dance of Anger" by Harriet Lerner.

Best wishes.

 

[NikkiGAPEACH1970]

@99Phoenix99--

I am soooooo glad I came across your post. I was in a relationship with a man with PTSD. He's stationed in the Army. He tried to commit suicide last week and thank god he was not successful. He asked me if I could wait for him until he got better and I agreed. That was the last conversation I had with him. Have not spoken to him in a week. I tried to call and text him (only once) but he did not respond. He has totally ignored me but he has contacted others. His actions broke my heart but after reading your post I got a clearer understanding about individuals with PTSD. In the meantime I will step back and give him space and let him contact me. I wish nothing but the best for you! Take care. And also thanks to the person for initiating this post!

 

[mrod]

Good Luck Nikki! :) Last night after a long day of school and work I finally made it to bed and knocked out after 20 mins. About 30 mins later my phone rings and I thought it was someone I knew...it was him. He was stuttering and sounded nervous. I asked him what he wanted and he said he wanted to see how I was and wish me happy birthday. All I said was ok...I'm great! And he was like "and I need to apologize. You didn't deserve all that. You were perfect and a good girl and I was stupid. It was like I shot myself in the foot." And that he was done with therapy.

He "apparently" did have PTSD. He said he wished he had a reset button to not join and his life would've be different. I didn't say much and he said he expected me to kinda be throwing everything he did and said back at him and that I should've had stuff to say. I told him I used to have a lot to say to him but I don't now, it didn't matter any more. He kept apologizing and wanted to know what was going on in my life. He said he messed stuff up for the wrong reasons. Why did he have to call? Why couldn't he just had sent a message that I could've ignored?

I don't get it? Why everything?

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

'Filling a void' still pops into my head. Words are words and actions speak louder. Were there any actions in his words?

Sorry you are in that spot. Sometimes it's hard to see the truth when your heart is involved, not saying his words are true or not just saying that it does sound like your heart is involved and that makes it harder.

 

[Bilby]

There's a possibility that perhaps he is genuinely sorry for the way he treated you, and he is trying to do the right thing by apologising? Who knows. If this is the case, now that he's done that, I wouldn't really expect you to hear any more from him? If he does continue to contact you, then I'd be questioning his intentions.

It's all well and good to say he has PTSD, but that he's done with therapy. I can't say that's a positive thing? At the end of the day, you've moved on now, and I think you need to keep heading in the right direction for you. That may mean deleting him off your friends list on Facebook and perhaps ignoring phone calls and texts until he gets the message. I think it's important that you make it very clear to him that things are over, if you get the impression that he's wanting to re-establish a connection with you.

 

[NikkiGAPEACH1970]

Mrod, Good for you in keeping a calm composure! I advise you to not mentally wreck yourself in trying to understand his actions. ( I learned this lesson the hard way) You were a great woman to him and it's too bad he did not realize this when you all were together. Continue on with your life and enjoy your happiness! You deserve it Mrod.:tup:

 

[mrod]

Thanks you guys! I'm trying to go back to how things were before he called.

My professor who knew about everything that happened asked me about him the other day and I told her that he contacted me and told her everything he said. I told her I didn't want to be naive and I didn't know what to think and before I even got to finish, some girl across the room told me to go get a heart and that I should do some research on PTSD because I didn't know what kind of hell he'd been through and that I was being "cold." I stared at her like she was crazy and told her to get her nose out of other people's lives.

I feel as though I should be happy because Karma got back at him pretty quick...but I'm not, I feel bad and I guess guilty I don't know why. I prayed for a sign on what I should do...The day before he called, I saw a minivan with PTSD Soldier decals around it. And yesterday when I went out to eat with my friend, I saw a guy in his uniform with his back towards us eating ice cream by himself. And just stuff that reminded me of his situation.. I don't know what I'm supposed to do if these are signs? I feel as though I'm supposed to help him...but I don't think he deserves it. But I've always been taught not to hold a grudge even though none of my family or friends like him after what happened.

This is all really messing with my head...it feels as though I'm back at square 1. I've already tried ignoring it. I don't want to be dumb and naive. But I am so confused as to what I'm supposed to do now with all of this. :/

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Take away the PTSD factor.

You're left with a guy who will try to hook up with his ex while he's still with you. Yes, I know that people change, but at the same time, I question if HE has changed?

For me, once the trust is gone, it's gone. If I'm with someone and their "interests" stray elsewhere, it's over. They made the decision to get involved elsewhere so I'm not going to feel guilty for putting my own needs first and walking away.

I think you should examine your need to help him. You can't fix him. Can you accept him just as he is at this very moment? He is no longer in treatment, so unfortunately things are less likely to improve.

Oh and good for you for standing up to that nosy girl!

 

[Nicolette]

This is all really messing with my head...it feels as though I'm back at square 1.

You are - it happened the moment you accepted a friend request on FB and again when you answered his phone call.

I don't know what I'm supposed to do if these are signs?

I get that people who are religious pray for a sign - I would suggest using your head and not hope. I can look at what happens in my day, and what I see, and read signs into anything I want as they are just interpretations of what I want to think/see.

Your destiny relies upon you

I added him just so he could see how great my life is without him

What does it matter how great your life is without him if you have to prove it; if it was truly great you wouldn't need to show it off, you'd be living it in my opinion.

 

[mrod]

I am going to take everything out of the equation and look It in a different persepective. It's not healthy and it'll only get worse if I try to "solve it." I am going to delete everything and just keep on going how I was.