why do i do this?

samanthavad

New Here
so i am just curious if anyone is or has experienced this after their trauma...

since my trauma I feel like I cant articulate the same as I did before. I can never find the right words to say what i want to say, not just when talking about my trauma but in every conversation. I end up rambling, over explaining, making no sense or just using examples to get my point across. I want nothing more than to heal from this and ive tried so many different counselors and therapies. My issue is that when i am there, and asked direct questions or asked to explain whats going on with me, my mind just goes blank. like I cant think of anything.. not how I've been feeling, not about my trauma, not about what I had for lunch. it just literally shuts off. now if I was with a friend and just casually got on the topic of my abuser or my trauma, I cant say everything in my head fast enough. I can get carried away for hours. my brain just shuts off while having normal everyday conversations also. I can be in the middle of a sentence and my thoughts are just gone. have zero idea what I wanted to say or why I was saying it. I can go back and try to refresh my mind but more often than not it doesn't work..
 

TruthSeeker

MyPTSD Pro
I would get lost in over explanations. I would lose my thoughts as I was speaking. I would just go blank.

Anyway, as I have come out of 'survival mode' I have noticed that I can think again; speak again; and there are very few blank spots anymore. I am no expert on this stuff, but I am marveling about how easily it is coming back as my life is calming down. I thought I had lost it for good but apparently not, thank god. I think it is because I am no longer processing survival stuff. Survival stuff is processed in the reptilian brain (triune brain), which does not process front lobe (adult) stuff like time and so on.

I'm excited to hear about your progress! Your description of "over explaining," "losing your thoughts as you were speaking, and going blank all fit me to a T! It is so frustrating. I think I learned overexplaining......at a young age.....I always over explained things to insure there was clarity.....and to insure I included the ifs, ands, and buts to avoid being called a liar.....I'm truthful to my own detriment......now I overexplain to insure I don't leave anything out....I use an app called Elevate daily, and it has one section on brevity.....I really did poorly at first on being concise.....taking out the unnecessary words. I thought the extra words emphasized things....they are redundant (and I'm a teacher). I don't need to say, I'm so very excited.....I'm excited .....will do it...I know people who would like me to get to the point....sooner. But being in the middle of an excellent explanation....and then lose it all......convo theme and all and be totally clueless...is mortifying. Things are slowily getting better, as active trauma has stopped....but it tanks when I process the trauma....arg.
 
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lil_fighter

Confident
This used to happen frequently just after after the trauma had happened and for the first couple of years I couldn’t string a written sentence together. I was studying and struggled to write essays when this had never been an issue for me prior to the trauma. It was really frustrating and I wondered if people who met me including my teacher thought I was thick. I wished they had known what I was like before. That year, I practised writing and persevered even though it was so hard. By the end of the year I was writing essays again without my mind going blank. It was like exercising a muscle I just had to keep at it. Now, 8 years on from the trauma the writing / reading side of it is fine no problems at all.

The worst part for me was memory when talking. I would lose my train of thought frequently and I agree this is tied to dissociation. As the years have gone by it has improved a lot but I still have my moments. I don’t have a problem expressing how I feel or what I want to say now but I used to.

From my experience it is about being patient with yourself and kind to yourself. The one question I had when diagnosed with PTSD was “will this ever end?” I realise it will always be a part of my life but it’s an ongoing process of recovering and re-learning. It does get better and it does get easier you just have to take baby steps but keep moving forward and persevere.
 

enough

MyPTSD Pro
I remember doing this after several of my events, while my brain was "processing" the event. In reality it was not getting the job done and as long as that side road was there and tempting me to explore it, the bus had a tendency to take the off ramps. I also remember that during times of high stress I overcame it- like not being able to practice alone without going off the rails, or even playing with my friends without getting lost or just dropping out, but with an audiece listening I stayed true to the music like I had before the events.

For me, the wandering or dropped thoughts stopped eventually, I regained ability to listen and participate in conversations, musical and otherwise.

Good hopes sent
 
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