Why do we keep going?

Ash_3

Learning
Why do we keep going? Why do we persist with this deep torment and anguish? It doesn't stop and I can't accept it. The things that happened to me were unfair and I was just a kid, why does it feel like I'm being punished?

Everyday is a struggle and I hate waking up to the same pain. I can't will it away, I can't handle it. I'm old enough to need to find the courage to help myself, but I just want to float away into existence. I don't want this life anymore.
 

brat17

MyPTSD Pro
Deleted member 50975- I am almost ashamed to admit what my life looks like still.
I went to bed and stayed there...literally. Wake up and let dogs out, back to sleep until 1-2 in afternoon. Sitting in bed with tv, computer. By 4 brush my teeth. Maybe around 5 think about dinner, (only because of my husband). Scrounge something up or order out and have him pick it up. Back to bed after dinner. Watch tv, scroll computer. Once a week go to store with husband for supplies. Put on a fake face when kids come to visit or have to for another reason. Shower/bathe twice a week. Take good care of dogs but let house go for most part. Exhausted tired all the time. After years of this, added a couple friend over once during week for pool in summer.
Im not out of this yet. We got a new grandson a year and half ago and I love him dearly, but mostly too tired to babysit. I felt almost normal during covid. Once a super housekeeper, organizer, etc......Just cant bring myself to it.

Just having to take car for repairs or do normal errands is still upsetting to me.
Right now, years later, I am only out of bed for about 4 hrs a day. Its my safe place. Everything I need is here. I have a tv, phone, computer, my dogs, my nightstand has every med that I take, tissues, dental floss, hand lotion, chap stick, glasses, note pad and pen, hair scrunchies, inhaler, emory boards, etc. I like it here. I have a lot of pain and do not use prescription pain meds, emphysema, gastro problems, etc. Not anything to cause this. It's embarrassing.
 
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