Why Do Women Hate/dislike Each Other??

[J_trustno1]

I'm asking this question out of curiosity and personal experience because I've never been successful at making female friends.

Here are some scenarios from my personal experience:

1. They only talk to me if they need some help. I'm usually not liked by other girls and they wouldn't even reply to my hello even if I'm friendly to them or have helped them in the past without expecting anything in return. I have been a high achiever all my life (A+'s or A's, A- or B+ but nothing lower), I'm okay in the looks department and have been fit (been exercising for the last 9 yrs and look younger than my age). I tend to attract more guys but girls just don't like me!

I asked one of my "so called friend" to be in a group with me for future group assignments and she came up with an excuse and never replied to my phone call. I wasn't begging her or anything and she knows that I pull off the grades well but she still didn't want to be in my group. So I stopped asking her! No more of that.

2. In my previous job, I was the most qualified young woman with a master's degree, again fit and somehow had unwanted male attention without even wanting it. As a result, women in HR and others in the management made decision not to extend my contract because I was "too challenging and demanding" for their company.

I may be wrong with my perception and there maybe some very good women who are friends with each other. I have only had very very few good female friends but they were way older than me. I distance myself from guys because they always become friends with me due to attraction and wanting something more than a friendship.

Please put your views forward because I would like to reflect on things for personal growth so that I don't face similar issues again. I have been told by couple of counselors that other women are "intimidated" by me and that's why they don't want me around. I mean seriously???

 

[Silver.]

I am always telling my daughter "girls be trippin"
because at her age (middle school), they get all clique-y and what not, someone is hated once a week in the group, and that's where the "tearing each other down" begins I feel.

I feel women tear each other down because of self esteem issues, insecurities and what not, and of course, parents play a huge role with what they say, as children are sponges. I used to have predominantly male friends because I too had problems with females.
But my age old saying "if you keep meeting the same kind of people, look in a different spot" applies. Because now I have a nice group of female friends that are always lifting each other up and cheering each other on. But it took a while to find those women.

 

[J_trustno1]

@Silver. , exactly. I mean we are all over 25 yrs of age but they behave like teenagers. I mean seriously? Do we really need this kind of behavior? I don't go and ditch people.

I got kicked out of a group for a class because I didn't like that guy back. I mean WTF? Just because I don't have feelings for someone, they think they have the right to kick me out of the group? huh! These people are so darn childish tbh. These college kids need to grow up. As a result I have minimized the time I interact with these people now.

 

[Silver.]

I had a problem at my first college with people like that. If you wore something other than pajama pants to class you were "dressed up", really??
Sounds like you are/were dealing with a lot of immaturity, and are more grown up than your peers (I was that way too, sometimes when you are forced to grow up fast, that's just how it is)
I see a major shift in the newer generation, quick to put people down, especially because they do it online, feeling safe behind the screen. And quick to whine at the smallest slight (I call them generation butt-hurt :/ lol)
I do think there are great women out there, ones that do want to have genuine friendships and encouragement, but like I said, it's just a matter of looking for friends in different places than you are used to.

 

[J_trustno1]

I agree. I have given up on trying to be friends with these shallow girls and guys who don't see me beyond my appearance or grades. I am more than what I look like or what I'm achieving. My achievements are due to my hard-work. I don't cheat or take shortcuts. So it's best that I keep myself at a far distance from these people.

Thanks for your input @Silver. :)

 

[Casey_03]

I don't doubt what you're saying, but the only problem I see with the examples you wrote above is that two of the examples listed may very well have been caused by something else entirely. The girl that didn't want you in her group may not have ignored you out of spite - you really have no idea why she did, unless she said something to you explaining herself. And it's the same with the women in the HR department -- how do you know the reason they gave wasn't really the reason? It just seems like you are jumping to conclusions and making things personal when they might not be. For all I know, maybe you are right about their reasons for behaving this way, but based on your description, I don't really see any reason to think it's because they just don't like you. I can only speak from personal experience in saying I myself have been guilty of making things personal when they really aren't, and jumping to conclusions like this.

That said, it is entirely possible (and even likely) that some females don't like you if you get too much male attention. I think that is a fairly common problem. That can be intimidating by itself. I have had the problem of not being able to make female friends too, and been told the same thing -- that I'm intimidating. But I've also come to realize that I just don't give off a "friendly" vibe unless I'm talking to someone I know. I'm closed and I don't engage in petty small talk -- I'm blunt and get straight to the point. Which I think is something that seems to attract men more than women. Maybe you have that going on as well.

 

[J_trustno1]

@Casey_03 : yup! you are right! I'm straightforward in my thinking and speak my mind, that doesn't mean I put people down or hurt them. I just can't seem to engage in those stupid girly talks that girls usually do and like those pink colored things. I've always been able to have male friends because they were more straightforward. Maybe you are correct.

 

[EveHarrington]

Cattiness
Competition
Mean girl syndrome

It all adds up to drama city.

I really don't like it myself, nor do I understand it.

I've seen this behavior in action and I just ask why?

I've had good female friends exhibit this behavior. I guess I never really noticed it until it was turned on me. (I'm not so naive as to think I was the first they've been this way towards.)

But the good thing is that there are lots of women out there who aren't like this.

I don't think it's something that everyone outgrows. Some women really are "mean girls" underneath it all and it's not a matter of simply maturing IMHO.

 

[Deleted member 24866]

I always felt the same till I realized there are alphas in both male and female gender. A man will soften it for you thinking he has a shot between your legs. Some people just like throwing people under the bus to elevate themselves. Generally speaking people suck. I also get along with older females well.
Just sit back and enjoy the show I guess but try not to be a part of it.

Some women I feel are scared by my life, living in a bubble of this will never happen to me, so something must be wrong with you, but knowing karma goes around and time teaches many things.

Actually your statement is quite alpha. But anyhow, if girls can not stick together enough to obtain some equal pay we almost deserve the reward for our own stupidity. Look past things, you learn to.

 

[J_trustno1]

@4melissa , does this mean I'm stupid and mean?

I only get along well with women that are lot older than me and I can have decent conversations with them regarding important things in life. I've never had female friends of my own age.

 

[Silver.]

Perhaps you get along with older woman because they are more mature and can't be arsed with all the drama that the younger girls your age are going through. They've lived a bit of life so they know what's important and what isn't. Just a thought x

 

[Deleted member 24866]

Since moving 40 times I hear you. No you are not stupid or mean but it is good to be able to focus on those important things and realize 90% of people just live in small spheres. Hope you have an outlet as I do not doubt you are intelligent and I bet you would be a more fulfilled person so this other junk will roll off your back. I always thought it was just women but as I began to age now 41, and supposedly still look younger but I see a pattern here. It includes women over 35 being one of the most under-employed groups. We run, we run, looking for Mr right, we fight and cat claw to be alphas to prove our worth but as looks begin to fade those male friends character starts to be revealed as if somehow our worth is gone. I have gone there also.. I would be a hypocrite to accuse you when I in the past have said the same things. But feeling I have an old soul and young enough to try to make a better future for my daughter. Men are not better, they just talk to your face differently. I feel time will prove my words. Either way we need to find ways to see the more important matter focus, unify, and obtain equal respect for our brains. Show you are above the situation will demonstrate your wisdom. I advocate for human trafficking victims. I advocate for equality and not race specific, this is my outlet. I get by with out a man. Just saying if ou sit and watch awhile with an open mind you may see things differently. Will it probably get you more friends? Probably not. But I have concluded most are not meant to be my friends, yeh it can be lonely.. but I have my causes and I accomplish more not taking care of a man as though he needs his mommy. I am just saying the divide and conquer philosophy is a "thing" worthy of consideration. Show you are better than them. We all get frustrated with people for sure.. I am venting just like you. Its all good. But speaking for myself I can do better.