Why Does It Take Losing My Family Before I Finally Get That Wake Up Call ??

[The Albatross]

It is a consequence. It sucks and does not feel good. The purpose that a consequence serves is to call attention to the gorilla in the room.

I've had some consequences. They are a hard way to steer by, but frankly at times, there was no other way that was at my disposal.

 

[Kissing My Teeth]

@bell :

Omg, It's ironic that you mention things get worse before they get better?
This is like maybe the 19th or 20th time that things got worse before really getting better. Optimistically, I guess, in terms of things getting worse, this here, right here, definitely Is and was the WORSE.

Metaphorically:
although the fire is now extinguished, there is all that smoke, soot, ashes, and debris to clean up before re-establishing a new foundation to rebuild upon...... For not just her, but all of us.

 

[Kissing My Teeth]

@nursenurse

You are absolutely right about me having to work on myself and feel good about myself too! I can't recall how many times my wife has accepted me back after our break ups, yet I don't even recall the source of the break up? I'm reiterated of the subjects or topics at hand that escalades and feeds the PTSD to a point of breaking up, but still don't and can't recall the real source?

My wife always forgave me and was able to "turn her cheek" yet once again. However, that doesn't mean that I didn't live with that guilt inside of me of remembering her cry, or upset, depressed, and feeling the need of having to walk on eggshells around me, yet not knowing why or when again the PTSD is going to attack. So we are both trying to fight this 24/7!

Me getting the help I need, to better myself, understand myself and learn to deal and cope myself, will and can only be positive, not only for me, but my family too. Not to mention, if there was to be forgiveness, at least I can FEEL it , and acknowledge what I'm feeling and why I'm feeling it. Oh what a feeling I anticipate.

I hate feeling numb and unable to acknowledge the feelings that I really should be feeling :-(

 

[nursenurse]

It may never be perfect, but then who among us ever is. All you can do is try whole heartedly. It can be better. Just keep plugging away even when you don't feel like it. You are worth it.

 

[Kissing My Teeth]

@Sandi79

As a sufferer only:
I love your comments ... I love your admiration, dedication, commitment, and determination, not to mention the strength you must posess .....

But as a sufferer that has just lost his family and wife:
Please Sandi79 take some necessary precautionary measures with your boyfriend in order to prevent or at least contain and eventually hope to minimize his PTSD outbreaks. Believe me when I say, by doing that, COULD possibly, NOT DEFINITELY, but COULD possibly save your relationship in the long run and a good one at that too.

As a sufferer, I accept that there is NO way that my PTSD is going to be an immediate or overnight fix. However, with the willingness, determination, commitment, desire and resources to help us contain, minimize and fight back, we can do just that, fight back!

I refuse to allow my life and my familys' life to be ruined now because of my PTSD....

Instead, now, for me anyways, If my wife and I do decide to start socializing again, I would advise her that I have no intention of hurting her feelings or lashing out on her, nor do I want to, as well as to assist me in recognizing the triggers and work together, if she so pleases and is willing to work at this with me.

I would like for us to establish a boundary ahead of time and a defense mechanism as well that would minimize triggers as they are surfacing. For example: " hey, I can feel or see your triggers wanting to surface, let's go for a walk around the block and talk with some of the neighbors and maybe even show the teenagers a thing or two about shooting some hoops"

I believe that would work and be a win - win situation for everyone. I would get out the house, get my mind off whatever was triggering me, get some exercise, socialize with the neighbors, help the boys with their basketball game and most important ..... Did all this WITH my supporter :-)
I strongly believe that would even help our relationship quality too.

 

[Kissing My Teeth]

@bell

A LOT of work is right, that is an understatement! I feel as if I've been to hell and back at least 10 times now and en route again? Good luck with your future endeavors , don't give up.

 

[Sandi79]

We ended it tonight. We had a skype call and its just not going to work out. I can't be there for him if he doesnt want me there

I hope your story has a happier ending

 

[Kissing My Teeth]

@Sandi79

Oh nooooo ..... :-(

Are you ok?

On the positive side, it's a good thing, and you did the right thing by ending it now. If he is not at least willing to work at it.
It really really isn't fair that you are willing to go through the torture, pain and suffering emotionally and mentally, and he isn't even willing to try and do something for you by helping himself.

Thank you :-)

 

[Sandi79]

I will be okay. I'm not okay right now. I'm more hurting for my sons than myself.
Thank you for your kind words.

 

[anonymous]

We seem to do this lose those we love why.?

 

[Kissing My Teeth]

@anonymous

Yes, that's exactly what I want yo know too!

It's only after we are up sh-t creek, that we realize there is no paddle here in the boat?