Why Does Ptsd Lower One's Libido

[madmax]

I feel "neutered" sexualy.

Maybe I should just concentrate on other aspects of my healing. I JUST do not know.

Back to the word "neutered"; I had my dog Cash fixed,yet he still humps another dog with enthusiasm!

Is PTSD the culprit?

 

[The Albatross]

This is one of my problem areas, I hope to ride this tread to some insights too. I thought have both, a low/no libido and a sexual dysfunction.

 

[madmax]

Did "this"start with the ex and kidnapping?

 

[The Albatross]

Nope. It actually may have been delayed because I have a solid sexual abuse and rape background. But I was able to be intimate in my second marriage, until my present husband (under the influence of alcohol) began acting out angry sex. I started having flashbacks and my body can't or won't relax for penetration. A friend astutely identified the problem for me: Vaginismus but I have both physical and a psychological problem that is unresolved because there is not treatment available in my area and I can't seem to do the recommended treatment (dilators) except intermittently. I've got some kind of big block, and on a very fundamental level I decided I don't want to be penetrated.

My husband does not drink anymore, but because of the pain, doesn't try to engage me "in that way" anymore either. A bit of a Mexican stand off.

My father was sexually abusive to my mother. My first husband has all the hallmarks of being a sexual sadist. Anthony has a great series of articles on this, and I was shocked at how far my first husbands behaviors during my abusive first marriage was identified as sadism. Most all except the worst tendencies in his articles, was part of my experience.

I sometimes wonder if I have a body reaction still. My last adult rape (27) my assailant attempted sodomy and I clenched up so hard that he was unable to penetrate. It was the location of the assault that precluded extreme violence that he would have needed to be successful. Fortunately for me, he was not that committed to the act.

 

[The Albatross]

I have run your thread off topic already. It is weird how I can say all this now in an open forum. There is likely nothing in the two posts though that will help you Max. Maybe some others will come on and give you some assistance. It's been a dead end for over a decade for me. I am celibate in marriage, but am hopeful that something will click in my brain and body and that I will be able to resume intimacy without pain one day.

 

[madmax]

So, I read a few articles about "vaginismus" yeah and neah regarding your situation.

With the experiences you have had you don't need to feel bad about not wanting to be Penetrated. You get a very big "pass" from my perspective.

My wife at one time had the same problem. Her ex and business partner (she's a musician) drank excessively and acted out in the same manner as your husband.

What I believe we did: went to a friend that does deep muscle massages and believe me when I say it is not a walk in the park. Both of us got massages that day. We went home and for some reason she was relaxed in that area.

 

[The Albatross]

I actually had the benefit of a Chinese accupressure therapist for about 2 years. She specialized in sexual dysfunction. The body improved some, but I found I could not psychologically "make" myself relaxed enough still and I spasm and have pain. That's why I think it is still a body reaction memory to intimacy that I haven't been able to resolve. Mostly now it's psychological and I don't have the moxie to push through it. I'm working on cultivating spontaneity, resilience, and self worth/confidence right now. I am hoping that as I become more open to higher frequency/upper emotional states... I will begin to "desire" to experience physical pleasure instead of use the mind over body approach and endure it. It could happen.

Thanks Max.

 

[The Albatross]

It kinda felt weird being so candid with a man and all, but I appreciate your validation and understanding. Not a whole lot of men would go to read articles on a female sexual dysfunction. I don't even think my own husband has done that.

 

[madmax]

I can just say I am heavily invested in my relationship. A team is only as strong as it's weakest link....it holds true it takes hard work by both parties; we both bring "baggage" into or to a particular problem.

 

[rightkindofme]

After reading what Albatross has to say I feel like I should shut up. My libido didn't tank until after having kids (I seem to have done the split into roles where moms aren't sexy) but I don't experience pain. We still have sex but it isn't very fulfilling to me. I do it as a bonding thing for my husbands sake.

I think I was lectured for too many years on how it is my obligation to provide sex. I just go away inside my head and let things happen. I seem to have psychological blocks around being able to turn down sex I don't want. I just can't tell my husband no. Even when it hurts. I have a lot of tearing internally uhm in multiple innie parts of my body from the rapes. It doesn't matter if it is tearing and bleeding and it hurts so much I cry the whole time... I can't say no.

 

[The Albatross]

No no no, dive right in this is Max's thread. The feedback will maybe assist me as well.

 

[The Albatross]

Hey Max, I did bump into some articles on the relationship between muscle mass and level of testosterone. I wonder if some searches might help. Also a light bulb flicked on in my brain, and some medications can lower the libido (a pharmacist can review meds if you take them and give you some insight).