Why Is It Relationships Are Tested When One Starts Therapy?

[AlmostFellForIt]

I've been told ( I guess anecdotally) but obviously through experience, that often relationships crash when someone with PTSD starts therapy.

Apart from the obvious reasons (like perhaps going backwards whilst working through it) why is this opinion so readily held amongst people? Is it that the dynamic changes? I'd have thougth the level of introspection one gains would save relationships, not destroy them.

 

[Justmehere]

Sometimes the person who starts therapy thinks the relationship they are in is healthy. Then as they heal, they realize the relationship is not healthy at all.

Sometimes the supporter is drawn to the relationship partly because they are co-dependent, or a care-taker, or due to a savior complex. When the sufferer heals, they don't need to rescue anymore.

Sometimes it is because trauma therapy often increases symptoms and is stressful in and of itself to do, and the sufferer's stress cup gets filled and they don't have anything left to do the work of making a relationship work, and the supporter is beyond their limits to cope with the increase of symptoms.

 

[Casey_03]

I think part of it might be that the sufferer becomes more self-absorbed, not that this is a bad thing - it's a necessity for therapy. But I could see how it would put a strain on relationships. I know my treatment has already destroyed friendships. I have found that I have become much weaker and more self-absorbed in therapy than I ever have been before, and some people just don't/can't understand why. And there is also, as you mention, that part about going backwards -- more depression, more anxiety, more fear than ever before. As well as an overwhelming need for self-protection, which often means lots of space ....

 

[rightkindofme]

I have lots people when I'm going through changes because they aren't ready to change with me and I can't keep having the same relationship if I'm different. I want to be different. My life will be better if I change. If those people want me to stay how I am so that they can feel comfortable... they aren't good for me.

 

[darrenS]

Many with ptsd put their partners through hell without realizing it, once they start therapy not only do the issues at times become more acute , but also the reactions. Add to this the fact youve probably been hyper vigilant, at times threatened , reactive when under emotional pressure and a whole slew of other things. Imagine being a partner and not only being subjected to it, but never fully being able to get a handle on whats going on, but learning that the slightest pressure or stress will invoke a reaction, sometimes severely.

Many who have lived with a ptsd person end up being in many ways traumatized themselves , and as your probably aware , once you start serious therapy , it gets worse , sometimes a lot worse. So imagine your partner who may have already been through hell with you , then having to go through even more. Many marriages/relationships dont survive, simply because the stress and damage is too great

Introspection with PTSD , could almost be described as a flashback within itself

 

[Suzetig]

I think the dynamic in the relationship has the potential to change when one partner goes in to therapy for all f the reasons stated above. I think there's also something about the intimacy of the therapeutic relationship, it's unlike any other and hard to explain unless you've been there. My therapist knows things about me that no one else does, I talk to her in a way I don't talk with anyone else, including my husband. It would be easy for him to feel excluded, threatened or undermined, none of which bode well in a marriage. Add in to that mx possible regression, inevitable change and introspection and it's a potent mx.

 

[AlmostFellForIt]

I think there's also something about the intimacy of the therapeutic relationship, it's unlike any other and hard to explain unless you've been there. My therapist knows things about me that no one else does, I talk to her in a way I don't talk with anyone else, including my husband. It would be easy for him to feel excluded, threatened or undermined,

This is a horrible thought but probably so true.

 

[AlmostFellForIt]

Many who have lived with a ptsd person end up being in many ways traumatized themselves

I've heard this referred to as secondary trauma... It sucks.

Could this also be the case if 2 people got together, both unknowingly afflicted with trauma?

As in, could PTSD in one possibly bring out the trauma buried in another?

 

[darrenS]

Its certainly possible , my wife had one trauma which in many ways triggered mine , but she was able to resolve hers and as i have complex ptsd it takes a lot longer for me. There are many reasons why two people become attracted and its certainly not outside the realm of possibilities, i would discuss this with your therapist as myself offering an opinion in that sphere could be quite dangerous