General Why Is My Sufferer Not Seeking Treatment?

[agent_lch]

My newly "ex" boyfriend has been diagnosed with PTSD. He served in the Marines and was in and out of Iraq from 2004 till 2008.

He has sought treatment before in the form of counseling. He takes mood suppressants but his condition has gotten worst. We got together in Jan and he as still seeing a doctor at that time. He told me that since he got with me he had gotten better and his doctor saw improvements in him and then he stopped going all together. He has had at least 2 appointments in the last few months that I know he did not go to.

I have only been with him since Jan but everyone else that has known him for a long time says his condition has gotten worse in the last year.

He seperated from his wife, finally got divorced, quit an amazing job, went back to living with his mom, he gets partial disability that is all he has to live on. His ex just hit him with child support about a couple weeks after I found out i'm pregnant!

He suddenly told me he wasn't happy and hes been gone now about a month. I have talked to him a few times but he wont discuss if we are going to get back together or not he will just change the subject.

His mom told me that his condition has gotten so bad in the last few weeks. I tried talking to him last night about understanding his issues more (I wanted to show him the stress cup and explain that to him). He didn't want to discuss it. Everyone tells him he needs to go get help.

He says if he opens up and tells his psychiatrist everything that he dont know where he will end up but it wont be here. I'm not sure if he means he will move or kill himself. He told me his doc told him that he needed to go away for an entire year and be completely alone to get "lined out". But he will not do this as he already has 2 other children and now one on the way.

Is he in denial? How can I get him to understand that he NEEDS to seek treatment and try to get better. If he doesn't his life is just going to get more and more out of control.

 

[myvetswife]

How can I get him to understand that he NEEDS to seek treatment and try to get better. If he doesn't his life is just going to get more and more out of control.

Everyone tells him he needs to go get help.

Thats probably the problem. Everybody telling him what to do. Everybody nagging on him. If I do that to my hubby he will hide in his litte hole, shutting down.

quit an amazing job,

yep, sounds familiar

His ex just hit him with child support about a couple weeks after I found out i'm pregnant!

Its probably all too much for him.

He reacts "normal" for his situation. You have to care about you and your baby. Tell him you are there if he needs it, but otherwise there is nothing you can do. If you try to force him, he will shut down even more.
Leave him a note, with the sister site combat ptsd, there are people who understand him, who are going/went through the same fellings ect.

 

[Toria]

I think admitting that there is a problem in the first place is quite a big step and actually asking for help is not really an Army trait :rolleyes: There's a bit in your post (I'm dreadful at trying to quote) where you say he worries where he'll end up if he says what he's actually thinking - if he thinks that the therapist is going to have him "sectioned" or whatever they do where you are then he must be petrified. I'm not sure how you can go about reasuring him if you're no longer in a relationship with him - perhaps his mother could try?

 

[Nicolette]

Is he in denial? How can I get him to understand that he NEEDS to seek treatment and try to get better. If he doesn't his life is just going to get more and more out of control.

To be brutally honest - no he is not in denial - he is so overwhelmed he doesn't know what to do when already showing all the signs of not coping. He probably doesn't want to talk and while he needs help, only he can do that when he is ready to face his demons.

He sounds like his PTSD is out of control and from what you listed I can see why. I get it hurts you and it would leave you confused, especially when newly pregnant. PTSD is not something than can just be 'fixed' by getting help quickly nor does a stress cup just pour out to empty from talking to someone. Gee, I would be overwhelmed with all the changes you listed he is going through even if by my own volition.

I feel the best thing to do is just be there for him and stop trying to talk and convince him to get help for now. He is overloaded and no amount of anything will help now until he gets himself back to a place where he is not being hit from all angles. Sorry - PTSD is cruel and it is no consultation for someone in your position but a real sad reality - one I took seriously enough to decide against having children with Anthony.

 

[Nicolette]

He says if he opens up and tells his psychiatrist everything that he dont know where he will end up but it wont be here. I'm not sure if he means he will move or kill himself.

Could be either one - depending on how much he can handle. It's scary stuff he and you are dealing with. It's taken me 5 years to get a good handle on it with no babies but having done the ex-wife with kids thing and it was hell for me let alone someone with PTSD. Suicide is at a very high rate for PTSD Sufferers so please don't be disillusioned with what you are dealing with.

If there is anything I would recommend is get professional help for yourself as he is not the person to be going to with problems or talk to right now - he needs space like his doctor said and if that can't be by leaving it has to be the best of what can be.

I once said to Anthony did I end up with 'less of a husband' and he said 'in some ways yes when it comes to someone being able to support me for longer than short periods of time'. This man needs time to regain himself so talk to your friends, us or professionals but I strongly recommend avoiding dealing with any heavy conversations with him for now.

 

[agent_lch]

Well he has told me that he has already had sex with someone else. So he is seeing someone else. I honestly dont want anything to do with him anymore. This girl knows that he broke up with me and i'm only 3 months pregnant now. So she is a moron. I'm just bitter and really dont care much for him at this point.

 

[Nicolette]

Having sex with someone else and pushing you away is very typical of someone with uncontrolled PTSD. :(

The girl is not the moron as she knows he has broken up with you - he is technically single even if the father to your child. I am sorry but don't blame others. He is really sick and I hope he finds it within himself to get help before he destroys many relationships. It sounds similar to how my husband reacted when he had uncontrolled PTSD but did not realise how sick he was. He walked out, drank himself silly and slept with many a girl including his wife he left, telling her in the morning it was nothing more than sex........ I get you are angry but this illness is a monster if untamed.

I really feel for you and you are justified by your feelings....... just don't let the illness consume and destroy you too please - for your baby's sake at least.

 

[agent_lch]

I am done with him completely. I don't want him around my child. He can't control hisself around his other 2 children. I told him I wanted nothing to do with him and I dont want him involved with this kid at all. He wants to be involved but I will not allow it. He needs to get help. Until then he does not need to put his burdens on this child. I am going to talk to the mother of his other 2 kids. She has been through it all with him. I am only concerned for my child now. What he does is left up to him.

And I dont think that other girl is very smart. I mean really? You want to be with someone that just left their pregnant girlfriend. He will do the same to her. Or atleast that is how i would see it. But i'm sure he has told her I was just horrible to him when I was not at all.

 

[Nicolette]

All the best in doing what is right for you and your baby. That is all you can do right now and I hope you don't suffer too much from all that this may/will involve.