Why won't the episodes stop?

[Warrior Sunflower]

It's been about 3 weeks since I showered and do anything to avoid leaving my room. I've never gone this long without showering. Every time my mom comes into my room or I go out there to get a drink or food or even if I just go into my own bathroom attached to my room and even just end up thinking of mom, the episodes are everywhere. She always has them if I'm around or if she even just comes into my mind for a few seconds. And it always causes me to have an autistic meltdown and my normal comfort methods don't/can't even help anymore. She said that she stopped doing the thing that causes it but she's lied to me with those exact words so, how do I know she's not lying about it again? How do I handle all of this? I don't want the autistic meltdowns to happen but in order for that to happen, my mom can NEVER be around me while she's IN THE EPISODES both in real life and in my head. But she always comes into my room regardless if she's normal or not and they either get mad at me for locking the door or want to be around me more if I lock the door. My mom told me to talk to her if she seems like she's in an episode but every time I decide to open up the tiniest bit to her, she ends up making it worse whether intentionally or not but at the end, she'll ask did that help? I lie and say a little bit to get her to leave me alone. My dogs are the only 5 to 10 second relief from this but the problem is; they're almost always around HER. I'm too afraid to even get in the car with her to go to my in person therapy appointment next Tuesday. I'm too afraid to do anything that involves her "helping me"/being around me because if I'm around, the episodes are around.

 

[Anne-Ana Mouse]

Dang it makes me feel better to hear you/er, read this. I have caregiver support who constantly trigger me. It’s either because there are there in the first place or some unprofessional behavior. They make a few bucks more than fast food workers and generally don’t have a high school diploma if they even speak fluent English. Then there is the hard skills like how to mop a floor that they also lack. The whole thing keeps me upset and when they don’t show up at all (half the time) I panic.

I was going to respond to you and say that I know how to work down emotions through hypnotherapy and make big positive changes which is all true and yet I have the same problem you do! I have reduced my panic to only when someone is verbally abusive or demeaning to me but that includes Tony things like someone telling me I’m wrong about my experience or I don’t need something I ask for. Always dumb things like I asked my caregiver to remind me to mend my sweater. She replied it was ok to let the hole stay because no one notices. How about a sense of pride to look your best or actually caring about your things to keep them nice. Would she care if I told her the sweater was expensive? The same day I asked her to shop with me for new bowls. I’d wanted to upgrade and had only one left. She told me don’t worry about it you’re just one person so you only need one bowl. It’s infuriating but I think it really just hurts my feelings when people make me feel like I don’t matter
Or because of some diagnosis I don’t need to look normal or have normal things. I fired her after a few more days of this. She was the best one out of 4 years. It’s exhausting and when I try to share my experiences I am told I am being ungrateful and to lower my standards.

I just don’t want to have to tolerate the intolerable or hypnotize myself not to care anymore. I truly have tried to find someone. With a positive attitude to work with long term but find there are a lot of “nice-nasty” folks in this role.

So I know it’s different because they aren’t family I can’t just relate at how the “help” is too triggering to accept. Maybe I will work on myself a bit more.

 

[arfie]

i've gone through this with several people, all of them people who earnestly want to help me. i never had an intimate bond with my mother, so she is nowhere on that list, but the list does include quite a few family members, including my husband and sons. i am far from clear on why it happens, but i handle it with boundaries. i make my recovery a taboo topic for the person in question for as long as it takes for my recovery to progress beyond the episode. it always has so far, knock wood.