General Why

[willis williams]

My name is Seren, I am Tex's Fiance. It was not my idea to come on here but he insisted that I get my feelings out this way because at the present time he is too drunk to care or listen to me without criticism. I love him very very much and have been through a lot with him over the past 4 years. The past few months have been very stressful for us financially and the fact that we are expecting a child soon did not help matters. After getting out of the hospital he was doing awesome at staying sober and I was soooo proud of him. The past few weeks he started drinking again because of anxiety and stress. Today we found out that his percentage through the VA was raised which took a big weight off of his shoulders because he now knows that he can support his family, this is very important to him because he is a very prideful man. It took a great deal of stress off of me as well until he decided to go get drunk this evening to celebrate. Like I said before, I love him very much but I do not like when he drinks especially when he gets so drunk he can barely walk. Our baby is due in a month and a half and I am so stressed out and emotional that I don't know what to do. Tonight I tried talking to him and he turns it around on me and says hateful mean things like calling me a c*nt, crybaby and a hog and makes me feel that my feelings are not valid at all. He has such a good heart and I never question his love for me but he is not the easiest or most understanding person to talk to when it comes to emotions. He doesn't seem to understand why I do not like him to drink. I love him and do not want to lose him to it. I also do not want our children growing up in a home where they think that is what you are suppose to do. I am a recovering addict and I have been clean for 6 1/2 years. I do like my pain pills because I have a lot of back and sciatic problems. It seems like whenever I bring up his drinking and try talking to him about it he throws my past in my face, he didn't even know me when I was using drugs. He is an amazing man and a great father and he treats me wonderful but he is such a hard person to talk to and I do not feel much emotional support from him, I felt this way during my last pregnancy. He doesn't understand what it is like to be pregnant and how much it effects everything, just like I don't understand his PTSD but I try to be supportive no matter what. I used to take it very personal and now I just give him space when he needs it. There are a lot of times that I need to cry and just get things out but I do not feel that I can do that without be verbally assaulted. He can say some very hateful mean things that are not easy to forget or just brush off. I know I am not perfect and I have a lot of my own issues to work on but I don't feel that he can point them out without getting mean. He has to have the last word and is in it to win it. I like to get things resolved but it never seems like they are. He has taken on a lot being with me, I have 3 children who are not biologically his althought he is their Daddy. I am so greatful for that and the fact that he loves them as if they are his own. I probably don't express to him enough how greatful I am for that. I do have a lot of insecurities because I have gained a lot of weight during this pregnancy and was a little on the heavy side when I got pregnant, I am very insecure about the way I look right now and tonight when I was confronting him about his drinking he called me a hog and said that it had nothing to do with being 7 1/2 months pregnant. I told him that I did not want to get on here because he is the person that I need to work things out with, nobody else can do that for us. I hope I don't sound like a pathetic crybaby but then again at this point I don't really care because they are my feelings and I shouldn't have to justify them. More than anything I he is the one I want to be with forever but if he goes back to drinking all the time I don't see how that can work. We have talked several times about going to therapy together but never follow through. I also feel a little jealous that he comes on here and gives the women advice and tells them to be strong and not to put up with the things they do but some of those things he is guilty of himself. He really need to be able to sit down and discuss each of out issues with the relationship but we don't seem to be capable of doing that without it turning into a hateful yelling match. Like I said I have issues from my past that I need to work on and he does as well. We have been through a lot together and I can't imagine there being anything we couldn't work through as long as we are both willing to make the effort and support one another. I hope he knows how much I appreciate him and what he has done for me and our children. I have also been through a lot with him. I am not really sure if he wanted me to get on here to get advice from other people or so that he could try and understand my feelings more without us fighting. Either way I feel a little better getting it out and could probably go on for another hour or so but it is 1:30 in the morning and I have children to get up and off to school so I need to get some sleep.

 

[wife of]

Hi Seren nice to meet you,you should get an account,we've heard lots about you and let me reassure you that whilst Tex might be having a spectacular off the rails moment he does love you and your children very much,he talks about you all the time and he does know how lucky he is to have you with him,I'm sure he will be mortified when he sobers up.you must be so down,tired,hormonal and stress is never a good combination,go off to bed,leave him too it and tackle it tomorrow,I'm sure his slip off the wagon will not last llong as he is so proud at having been sober for so long.
Get some rest hunny and get an account,you will find amazing support here, Sue.

 

[The Hermit King]

Alcohol and PTSD do not mix. Self medicating never works. You need to make an account on here. Reading this shit pissed me right the f*ck off and the messed up part is I'm mad at MYSELF because this post could have just as easily been written by any of my exes. I've been there and done that with the drinking and it makes shit worse. Being "under the influence" of PTSD is bad enough without adding alcohol to the mix. And if you are like me and have no off switch and drink til you blackout or pass out then you need to wake up and fix yourself before it's too late. I don't miss drinking one damn bit, I enjoy the extra cash I have from not wasting it on that shit. I hate when PTSD controls my life and I do everything I can to not let it. When you get wasted your just f*cking giving in and given up. For me PTSD is like a hornets nest and drinking was like smacking it with a big ass stick. And I hope you don't get mad at your lady for listening to your drunk self and posting on her like you told her to because that is exactly what I would have done back when I drank. I would have been like "Why the f*ck did you listen to me when I was drinking!?" and that's not cool. If you didn't give a shit you would not have told her to come on here. I hope this doesn't come off as an ass chewing because that's not my place and I am just reminding my own damn self to never drink again. I'm chewing my own ass. CHEWING MY OWN ASS.

 

[BV101]

I'm going to print this thread out and pin it up. Its like people have been looking into my world. Chem, thats a pretty nailed on piece of truth you have typed there. Seren when Tex comes round kick him in the sack. Hard. Tell him its from me! He'll understand.

 

[Mockingbird13]

Seren - I am so sorry that you are going through this. Many of us have been on both sides of this coin, the giving as well as the receiving end and its no fun on either side. With that said I know that Tex loves you and your family dearly.

Someone said this earlier, but it's so hard to take your own advice. - Tex does give great imput and helps a many of us with his experience- but we all are guilty of being able to stand on our soap box and tell people whats right and wrong, but its a heck of alot tougher to follow our own advice.

With that said I know being pregnant brings out our crazy emotions even more - and with him being stressed is not a good combination. - And Im sure you know things said in a alchoholic state should not be taken to heart - even though it hurts !!

Take care of yourself - you both have alot together . And plese let him know that we are here for him as well.

 

[NikkiNikki]

((hugs)) Seren. I'm sorry he is drunk and being an ass right now. I do know that he speaks very highly of you here & it shows everyone how grateful he is to have you & loves you very much.

 

[willis williams]

All right its me again. I wanted Seren to get on here to vent so I could read it. She doesn't talk to anyone. We can go almost all day without talking. Yes I did celebrate last night. I spent all of my time since I been with Seren giving and providing. Then I lost my job when I was hospitalized for 5 weeks do to PTSD. I then lost my truck, my gun collection, my 401K savings, and my roth IRA to support her and do right by my family. I literally have nothing left of me but I made sure that ours kids still had what they needed. I even had to pawn guns just so her oldest could go to a wrestleing meet that involved a hotel and a miserable day in a huge crowd. I keep doing and doing with nothing in return. As for the weight comment she has been told by the Dr. and everyone else she has to loose weight. She whines and whines about it but doesn't do a damn thing. I bet there is a brand new salad mix in the fridge that hasn't been touch and is going bad. The Dr. said she had to cut out sodium she still drinks 2 to3 liters of pop a day and then whines because her feet and legs are swollen. I finaly got something that will help in supporting are family since I couldn't get unimployment or any money from anywhere but sell off everything since las september. All Seren has basically done since we have been together is go to school she has an AA but it has all been on my shoulders. I cought a brake and hell yes I wanted to party I took the wholr family out to dinner nice mexican had a margarita. Then when I get told I can't drink I do f*ck yes I do. After everything is put on me my shoulders are only so big. I have always bein honest that I like the drink. I also have bein honest about my inability to fight fair. Anybody that reads back in all my post knows that I got problems. I sorry for bringing my dirties on here but we can't comunicate even if I don't rip one off. My problem right now is she wanted a nother child I didn't I am not finacially ready. I am 37 and she is 28 I will be dead before this child gets through college. If she wants such a big family then she needs to help support it. The other problem it her weight I get sick and tired of hearing about it when she won't do shit about it (harden the f*ck up or shut the f*ck up) stop drinking soda stop eating a loaf of sinunim swirl bread a day plus meals and you won't get fatter. Well I cut loose last night just walk to the market and got some beer and got drunk outside because I won't drink in my house or infront of the kids then I came in and went to bed. Yes I did get mouthy but lets just say it didn't come without provacation. I love Seren but I honestly just wanted to have a good time intead of reclusing in my home on the computer eating valuem and my other 6 pills that all I wanted don't I deserve at least that. I raise her three older kids as my own with out a dime support from their father its me giving up all of my life to make them happy. I think a good drunk and a rant was worth every penny.

 

[willis williams]

Also I glad she posted I don't even give a shit what she wrote. Thats what venting is for and last night wouldn't have been a good night to be tarring into me so I pawned it off on my friends on here.

 

[Redheaded Stranger]

Tex and Seren,

I hope I'm not speaking out of turn, because I don't know either of you. But being in a tough situation myself, I thought I'd offer my two cents worth. You don't have to take it but I offer it with love and support.

My Veteran built a great life for himself and was well-to-do. He spoiled his ex-wife and children and himself and was used to only having the best. Without going into any detail, he has lost it all. And he is hurt and embarrassed and has no idea what he is going to do. So, in his pain and embarrassment, he is also throwing me away. He says he feels like he'd be taking advantage of me because he has nothing to offer.

Tex, what he doesn't realize is that I could not care less about his job or his money or his position or his economic outlook. I love him. Completely, unconditionally and wholeheartedly, I love him. I knew the day I met him that he was the one. I waited a long time for him and I will always love him and want to be with him. I know his pride is hurt and he is completely overwhelmed and he thinks his manhood is diminished somehow because of what is happening. I do not see it that way. I see that this economy right now has destroyed far too many people and businesses and I do not see this as a failing within him, in any way. I would live in a cave with this man.

I saw us as a partnership, and I want him as my partner. I don't care who has or makes the money or who cleans or cooks or fixes, or breaks for that matter. I just want to be on this journey with him, no matter what twists and turns it takes. I just wanted us to be together, through the good times and the bad times and the in-between times. I want to hold him after his nightmares and have him hold me when I'm sad. I want to laugh with him and play with him and walk with him and talk with him and make love with him.

Anyway, I don't know if this applies to anyone else, but please don't get caught up in the minutia of things. So vent, fight, cry, bitch and moan. Just hold onto the love and keep that partnership strong through all of the crap that life throws at you. It is the two of you against the world. You are lucky to have found each other. Hold tight and don't throw it away over little things that really shouldn't factor into the love you have for each other. That is the only important thing.

Okay, off my soapbox. Sorry to ramble. Wish my Veteran could read this and know.

Red

 

[willis williams]

We made up the next day and I'm not drinking. But now she has to listen about her wieight. I know that the way I went about it was stupid and I shouldn't have lost it. But now she pushed it so far that she is high risk and is on a diabetic diet. I know it was mean that me getting tore up after I finally got somethine back from the VA I felt like celebrating. Seren used to party with me go dancing and in the last few year its all gone. I also shouldn't have said the things I said but she was know angle thats why I wanted her to post on here so the argument would quit. Enough is enough.