T
Tim
Will I be a trigger for my ex forever?
We were together for 4 years. It was a bumpy relationship because she had undiagnosed PTSD and depression and didn't have much control over her emotions. She'd often say hurtful things and it made me distant, and then she'd get upset because I was acting distant. She got diagnosed during the last months of our relationship and she hadn't made much progress with her therapist yet. She came from a war country but never really told me the cause of her trauma or what it felt like. I just knew she was afraid of airplanes, helicopters and often had nightmares about people breaking into her home, so I did my best to comfort her and hugged her/covered her ears whenever I heard an aircraft coming.
Around 6 months ago she had some sort of flashback and locked herself in the toilet. I had never witnessed her like this and didn't really know what was happening. She had talked about suicide in the past and wasn't responding so I got really worried. I asked several times if she was okay but no response, so I opened the door as gently as I could (it was an old shitty lock) and she completely freaked out, yelling that she hates me over and over in a hysterical way and then she ran to the living room and called the police on me, telling them I broke her bathroom door to assault her. Strangely enough she was thinking clearly enough to be able to tell the police she was having a PTSD episode. Police arrived and I explained the situation while she was sobbing in the bathroom.
She blocked my number and after around a week she called me asking to meet. She returned me my stuff, said she's too damaged to be in a relationship and that was that. 4 year relationship gone in the blink of an eye.
We reconnected about 3 months later through Instagram and slowly got to talking on the phone again. After a few phonecalls we decided to meet up for a walk through the park. We sat down by a tree and had a seemingly normal conversation about old times, then she started sobbing and said she expected to feel different when she saw me, but that all she felt was fear and anxiety. Suddenly she got up and started walking away from me. I sort of tried to keep up with her, telling her everything is okay, that she's safe and that it's just a panic attack, but the more I tried to calm her down the worse it got and then she dialed the police again on her smartwatch. Police came and again she was able to explain to them that I hadn't done anything wrong, but that she has PTSD and she just wants me to leave instead of trying to help. I left and that was the last time I ever saw her. I sent her a message now and then which she would read but not respond to.
After around a month she called me up saying she's going to go through EMDR, but her therapist won't let her start it unless she can guarantee that I won't message her during the treatment because it could mess up her treatment and result in a nervous breakdown. I wished her lots of luck and strength for her treatment and then she blocked all forms of contact after we hung up.
So yeah, it appears I've become a trigger because I entered her safe space during a flashback.. I'm just wondering if this is curable in any way? Can the EMDR somehow make her see that I always treated her well, and that I became distant because of her own behaviour? Could it untangle enough memories to let her see I'm not the cause of her trauma?
We were together for 4 years. It was a bumpy relationship because she had undiagnosed PTSD and depression and didn't have much control over her emotions. She'd often say hurtful things and it made me distant, and then she'd get upset because I was acting distant. She got diagnosed during the last months of our relationship and she hadn't made much progress with her therapist yet. She came from a war country but never really told me the cause of her trauma or what it felt like. I just knew she was afraid of airplanes, helicopters and often had nightmares about people breaking into her home, so I did my best to comfort her and hugged her/covered her ears whenever I heard an aircraft coming.
Around 6 months ago she had some sort of flashback and locked herself in the toilet. I had never witnessed her like this and didn't really know what was happening. She had talked about suicide in the past and wasn't responding so I got really worried. I asked several times if she was okay but no response, so I opened the door as gently as I could (it was an old shitty lock) and she completely freaked out, yelling that she hates me over and over in a hysterical way and then she ran to the living room and called the police on me, telling them I broke her bathroom door to assault her. Strangely enough she was thinking clearly enough to be able to tell the police she was having a PTSD episode. Police arrived and I explained the situation while she was sobbing in the bathroom.
She blocked my number and after around a week she called me asking to meet. She returned me my stuff, said she's too damaged to be in a relationship and that was that. 4 year relationship gone in the blink of an eye.
We reconnected about 3 months later through Instagram and slowly got to talking on the phone again. After a few phonecalls we decided to meet up for a walk through the park. We sat down by a tree and had a seemingly normal conversation about old times, then she started sobbing and said she expected to feel different when she saw me, but that all she felt was fear and anxiety. Suddenly she got up and started walking away from me. I sort of tried to keep up with her, telling her everything is okay, that she's safe and that it's just a panic attack, but the more I tried to calm her down the worse it got and then she dialed the police again on her smartwatch. Police came and again she was able to explain to them that I hadn't done anything wrong, but that she has PTSD and she just wants me to leave instead of trying to help. I left and that was the last time I ever saw her. I sent her a message now and then which she would read but not respond to.
After around a month she called me up saying she's going to go through EMDR, but her therapist won't let her start it unless she can guarantee that I won't message her during the treatment because it could mess up her treatment and result in a nervous breakdown. I wished her lots of luck and strength for her treatment and then she blocked all forms of contact after we hung up.
So yeah, it appears I've become a trigger because I entered her safe space during a flashback.. I'm just wondering if this is curable in any way? Can the EMDR somehow make her see that I always treated her well, and that I became distant because of her own behaviour? Could it untangle enough memories to let her see I'm not the cause of her trauma?