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Working in the field again and feeling really numb

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A therapist I had seen suggested telling these parts to go play or go to sleep so that I could work

This is what I tell my parts now that I am aware of them. Before I got on the plane to leave, I sort of gave an internal announcement: the only person who can handle this is me and now I have no awareness of them so I know they are split-off right now which I actually don't mind. The problem with this kind of dissociation is that you are not in touch with any of your feelings, even those normal to the situation - like grief over a co-worker shooting himself in the face and then having to provide the emergency medical treatment.

Now you know that at some point you WILL feel what you need to feel and are seeking help BEFORE you act out those feelings in a negative way.

Yes, I'm hoping to get there when I have a video session with my T in a couple of days. But it may need to wait until I get back.

I had sort of retreated from the world of emergency medicine because it was too triggering and I had a couple of episodes with parts at work and had to go home "sick". I switched over to administrative/primary care which was good but now that I am trying to get out of my marriage and establish myself in a new city, I thought doing a short stint overseas to make some $$ was a good idea but I'm realizing that I'm not really better enough to dive back into all of this.

I appreciate all of the support from all of you. It really helps a lot and I feel less alone here. Now I'm off to learn board games!
 
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