I have a close friend from childhood. We have been in contact every day for the past 20 years. She has never told me so, but I am fairly certain she was sexually abused as a child.
There have been times when she has reacted very strongly to what I interpret to be triggers. When confronted about this from a genuinely caring, non judgmental perspective she becomes extremely defensive to the point where she is enraged and shaking. At which point the other person will back away. I have never pushed her to talk about it.
She has some pretty significant problems with anxiety and control. She has recently confidened in me that her marriage is falling apart due to these issues. She has only recently been able to acknowledge the problems exist. For someone who is as strong and proud as she is, it taken a lot of courage to admit. In 20 years I've never seen her cry.
The thing is that lately i get impression she trying to reach out. She has made comments to me which I think may be related to the abuse. She spoke about a family member that would baby sit her. She said he was a bad person and seemed shaken. Afterwards she was closed off and irritated. This is only one example. If i did Interpret her meaning correctly, this is a big deal. She would normally avoid this kind of conversation completely.
She seems willing to discuss her anxiety with me openly these days. I suggested a psychologist but she quickly declined. I dropped the subject but I really hope she thinks about it. She has admitted her anxiety is debilitating at times. She has not spoken much about the control issues but i think deep down she is aware of them.
My question is what can I do to help her? I would like to encourage her to reach out if she is ready, but worried she will run away from the problem again. She is a good person and deserves a happy life.
There have been times when she has reacted very strongly to what I interpret to be triggers. When confronted about this from a genuinely caring, non judgmental perspective she becomes extremely defensive to the point where she is enraged and shaking. At which point the other person will back away. I have never pushed her to talk about it.
She has some pretty significant problems with anxiety and control. She has recently confidened in me that her marriage is falling apart due to these issues. She has only recently been able to acknowledge the problems exist. For someone who is as strong and proud as she is, it taken a lot of courage to admit. In 20 years I've never seen her cry.
The thing is that lately i get impression she trying to reach out. She has made comments to me which I think may be related to the abuse. She spoke about a family member that would baby sit her. She said he was a bad person and seemed shaken. Afterwards she was closed off and irritated. This is only one example. If i did Interpret her meaning correctly, this is a big deal. She would normally avoid this kind of conversation completely.
She seems willing to discuss her anxiety with me openly these days. I suggested a psychologist but she quickly declined. I dropped the subject but I really hope she thinks about it. She has admitted her anxiety is debilitating at times. She has not spoken much about the control issues but i think deep down she is aware of them.
My question is what can I do to help her? I would like to encourage her to reach out if she is ready, but worried she will run away from the problem again. She is a good person and deserves a happy life.
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