Worsening Depression..... Please Help.

[Lionheart]

After decades of fighting depression, I have come to the full realization that I can't handle it alone anymore. By isolating and hiding, I am not doing myself any favors. I need support from my friends and so I am reaching out here.

Antidepressant medications were lowered, a few weeks ago, due to a possible drug interaction and since then, I have been slowly spiraling downward. I can tell that my moods are beginning to swing from one extreme to the other and symptoms of Depression are increasing.

I am having disturbing nightmares, flashbacks, suicidal ideations *(with no intent to harm myself), a sense of a foreshortened future, apathy, panic attacks, mood swings, as well as an increase in fatigue and pain, etc.

I think sometimes that I am not going to live much longer and am not so sure that I want to (self-pity?). These types of thoughts have been really hard to shake and I have the unfortunate tendency to want to isolate myself from others when I feel this way.

When I think about it, I believe I have allowed pride, (and fear), to get in the way of reaching out for support.

I have not been to a therapy session in a month or more due to transportation problems. My medications probably need to be adjusted and I can't wait until I am back in therapy or allow my selfish pride to get in the way any longer.

My thinking is a bit muddled at this point and I am not even sure what I am asking for. I suppose I just need to be heard. ummmm, ...and I would be most grateful if anyone has any insight, suggestions, or support they could offer.

 

[Audreeeey]

I am going through the same exact thing right now. I have never felt worse in my life :( And nobody understands.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

I hear you LionHeart. Please know you are not alone. I wish I had comforting words for you.

Is there anything you can do that would give you some pleasure? A walk maybe? I find writing in my diary helpful. I also find getting up and dressed for the day helpful and having some sort of routine.

Please take care.

 

[JustBe]

I'm here too Lionheart. Depression is insidious and smothering. When it attacks me I can't see my way clear to even remember what I used to enjoy and it feels like I'm too tired to fight anymore.

All I can do when things get that bad is to claw my way through, minute by minute until I can finally see a bit of light through the murkiness.

You are not alone. Keep fighting. Writing and reaching out here is an incredibly big step when you are feeling so down.

 

[Loloma]

I am having disturbing nightmares, flashbacks, suicidal ideations *(with no intent to harm myself), a sense of a foreshortened future, apathy, panic attacks, mood swings, as well as an increase in fatigue and pain, etc.

I think sometimes that I am not going to live much longer and am not so sure that I want to (self-pity?).

Lionheart, I can really relate to this. I remember all too well going through these periods, living with a feeling of impending doom. It is very hard when you don't have someone to talk to, either a good friend(s) or a therapist. Isolation is a bad thing, although when we feel so down, we often don't have the energy or inclination to talk to anyone.

I would spend days indoors, mainly in bed watching DVD's so I didn't have to think. Of course any physical problems become worse including the pain and fatigue. A trip to the therapist and monitoring of your medication is an excellent idea. Try going for walks and getting some fresh air in your lungs. I have found that taking vitamin D3 helped me a lot and is good for your mental well being. You do have my support. :)

 

[The Albatross]

Lion Heart, some of what your experiencing may be the reduction in your medication... but I think I would really mind bend the transportation issue and get in to be seen by your therapist as soon as possible. You have managed so well for a good while, sometimes it helps me to focus on that. Realize that it is yet another cycle but that the up swings are better, longer in duration and that the down turns are shorter in duration and in intensity... like an upward spiral.

It is though contingent on my ability to maintain my self care and the doing of those things that are necessary for progress. I think that anything that gets in the way of you reaching out for support at this time is more the disorder than perhaps pride. But only you can know for sure. Use your action plan, and get back to the basics.

You are too, like me, dealing with chronic health issues... a lot of the times, a lot of the depression for me is tied to the physical pain. It is at times a one-two punch that knocks me off balance.

You have had so many good days... don't let this episode rob you of them. Sometimes I start reading backward in my diary until I feel better about the disparity between what my mind is telling me and what actually was going on before the episode.

Hang on, and do what you need to do... see that therapist, deal with the pain issues, and glad you are posting for support now.

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

(((Lionheart))) Drop that pride...and go back up on your meds. I'm not being bossy (sort of, but with my friends, I say what I feel). I've tried decreasing meds: because I thought I was doing great...and spiraled down...so went back to increased meds. I've learned that I will always need antidepressants. Chronic Clinical Depression is always lurking, so please don't blame yourself!

I gotta go now, but had to jump in and encourage you.
You're a sweetie, you just aren't feeling it right now.

Love ya,
AKJ

 

[Whitneys story]

Lewie, I am constantly saying I can't get out of my own way! I have since learned so much of what causes this.

Think of the beautiful flowers blooming and allow yourself to know you are too! It is very brave asking for support. We are safe here and try to have open arms. We understand where many on the outside have no clue!

"Break on thru, Jim Morrison". We're here to walk with you. Continued success on your journey. Hugs, Whitney

 

[KP the nut]

(((LH))), you know you have our support, lots of it from all around the world.

Until you can see your doctor, put your meds back to the dose you were on. This is not a weakness, the drugs are just another tool to help you.

I used to read how you use sage smudges (I think I did anyway :rolleyes:), do you still do that? Go sit on your stoop and watch nature and the world. Do something daily for yourself, no matter how small. Treat yourself, spoil yourself and feel the support coming your way.

 

[Lionheart]

I am still drowsy as I had a late night and just woke up, but I had to drop in and say that I am deeply touched by all the support. I will read and re-read your replies and formulate a plan.

I feel much more confident and optimistic since reading your posts this morning and will consider what you have written as I generate my "mind-set" for the day. I can't thank you enough for taking the time to share your wisdom and insights!!! I am truly grateful.

Lion

 

[Loloma]

You're very welcome ;)

 

[KatB]

You are too, like me, dealing with chronic health issues... a lot of the times, a lot of the depression for me is tied to the physical pain. It is at times a one-two punch that knocks me off balance.

Hang on, and do what you need to do...

I am also in the same position. It's like you mentioned: a one-two punch. I describe it as a double-edged sword. I am there. Please know you are not alone. Do what you can in the meanwhile but don't forget to take care of yourself with what you can.