Wow- Maybe Not Ptsd The First Time

[Notsowild]

Thanks @anthony that was a great article. It cleared a lot of things up for me. I wish I had your wisdom.

@StrongerNow - thank you too. I have had the feeling of going crazy. One morning as I was driving to work I got this feeling that I couldn't handle life anymore. I wanted to head start to the hospital and check myself in.

As for my doctor hmm... Don't think he's very understanding of my trauma. I am seeing a psychologist and starting CBT and seeing a psychiatrist in March.

Thank you again for all your kind words. I means a lot to me. That's why I love this forum.

 

[Abstract]

The others said it well.

I think I probably had subclinical trauma symptoms for most of my life before it all fell apart. I had little self awareness and little memory so it is hard to say but I think it's possible I met PTSD criteria at various points. As Strongernow said I too find I have different symptom profiles with different traumas. There are a couple I have never had flashbacks with but had and do have "emotional flashbacks" and nightmares with. There are two particular groups that are where almost all my flashbacks come in. I also do believe that there were times in the past where I was not hypervigilent. I don't believe I had diagnosable PTSD at those times but I do think I was still what I would call traumatised.

If dissociation gets to a certain level consistently then you can have a dissociative disorder alongside your PTSD. If it is quite prevalent then it would now fall under the dissociative sub type of PTSD. And yes, if dissociation is prevalent enough and someone doesn't have PTSD then it is a disorder in its own right. I have no doubt at all that I dissociated enough that I had a dissociative disorder most of my life when PTSD was not a factor.

Just so you know though many, many people have dissociative symptoms and don't have anything other than an anxiety or depressive disorder. Depersonalisation is common when people have panic attacks for example.

It might be interesting for you to know that you can still have PTSD without flashbacks. You need enough of the other intrusive symptom criteria but you can still have it. Depersonalisation is common with trauma and I suspect even more so when someone has childhood trauma.

Does that make a little more sense?

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

That happens to me too when I am alone in my thoughts (your driving in the car example). For me right now, the idea of existence has a strange feeling attached to it.

Feeling like I can't handle life anymore is directly related to my trauma and is an internal trigger for me as well.

I'm glad you are reaching out to get better help for yourself. It's so empowering. Some days, I wrestle with thoughts that none of this is real or I try to deny my pain with thoughts that I can just snap right out of it and it will all be gone. I keep posting here and staying accountable.

Look at all of these people here, posting every day having the SAME experience as us. That's what I say to myself as well as, we can't all be making it up. It must be real. And also, NOBODY goes through what we have all been through without being affected, NOBODY!

It helps to have a list of the facts handy when I have moments like this. Especially when I feel like I'm going crazy. I force myself to share about it because it makes it lose some of its power and when I no longer feel like I'm on an island, I'm forced to stay in reality.

I'm beginning to see why support groups are so effective. Every person on this planet is going through something in some form or another. A cool thing happens when someone says, "Hey. I've felt that way too and I understand." And then people come along and share their experience, strength and hope. There has to be a reason why that exists in life. The validation (experience and story of someone else), strength (what someone did to recover), and hope (how someone has recovered in whichever category) is the solution. There is so much power in that.

(((notsowild)))