Wow

[Suzetig]

What would happen if you just didn't respond. I understand, but disagree with, the lawyers advice not to block him but that doesn't mean you need to reply to him. The thing about escalation is that it happens whether they get a reply or not, might be worth keeping the email address and just not responding to him.

 

[Casey_03]

I don't always respond. I haven't responded to his latest emails. If I do respond, I usually don't respond right away. But if I offer no response whatsoever, he can use that against me in court to argue that I am ignoring his requests to visit, and hence the court should afford him more visitation rights and autonomy.

What I have been doing is offering brief, vague answers, and usually responding with questions. I have to basically take the high road and kill him with kindness, which is what I'm doing. Because then he has no ammunition to claim that I blocked him, or hindered his access, or that I am making decisions based on my personal dislike of him. And then in contrast to my level-headed, accommodating responses, his escalation is all the more obvious and deranged.

 

[Casey_03]

What a judge will pay most attention to (I am told) is which parent is cooperating, or trying to cooperate, and which parent is being disruptive. So I am very mindful of that.

 

[ladee]

You know what you are doing Casey and why. You are handling this so much better than in the past. It is empowering for you to do everything in your power to save LM.
If you had cancer no one would be suggesting you not follow Dr's suggestions.
You are doing what your lawyer is suggesting. Ahole will not be able to keep a lid on it. He has never been challenged like this before.
As long as you and LM are safe..that's all that matters.
Give Cookie Monster a big KISS for me.
You are doing fantastic with this!

 

[Deleted member 541]

I agree 100% with @Suzetig....... Reading the emails is doing nothing except upsetting you. I'm not an attorney, but I don't know of one that would encourage anyone to communicate with someone that clearly is an abuser.

 

[Casey_03]

I'm not an attorney

To be fair, I think this is the main point -- you're not an attorney who has handled custody battles like this in the past and knows how judges in my state operate.

I agree that the emails are distressing as well, and I would much prefer not to read them. But two lawyers I have consulted in my state, as well as an advocate for women's rights, have all agreed that ignoring him outright would actually only allow him to take advantage of the loopholes he's trying to exploit.

I didn't post this because I wanted everyone to know how distressing it is -- I posted it out of amazement at how delusional and conniving an abuser can be. At how brazenly an abuser can try to fabricate things and twist things. @ladee is quite right that I am handling this better than I was before, and not letting it get to me as much. And the reason I am not letting it get to me so much is because I now have lawyers who are backing me up, and I am following their advice.

The other point is that I don't have enough documented evidence to prove that he is an abuser. That changes things. 95% of his threats were sent to me using fake email accounts or under fake names -- which means most of that is not admissible in court. I have to adapt to what I have to work with, and I am.

 

[Deleted member 541]

I wish the best for you, and hope that things turn out well. I also hope that you can handle the stress.

 

[Casey_03]

@She Cat Thank you, I appreciate it.

 

[Casey_03]

@scout86 He actually could face difficulties getting into the U.S. He's a UK citizen but his parents were not born there, and they came from a place that I think would warrant some scrutiny among today's authorities.

 

[joeylittle]

they came from a place that I think would warrant some scrutiny among today's authorities.

I was wondering about this. If he holds dual citizenship with a nation on 'the list', he certainly has more hoops to jump through. And even if that's not the case, he could have hoops.

 

[Casey_03]

It's not quite on the banned list, but I think it'd still cause some scrutiny. Some of his family came from Uganda, others from India.

Uganda is obviously more likely to bring scrutiny than India