I've been seeing my therapist since the beginning of the year, and we've been mostly focusing on my daily anxiety for right now, in the hopes that I can get that under control a little better. Well after my last session, she asked that I start writing about the darkest moment during my abuse, the one moment that terrified me the most. I keep that memory locked away because I'm too scared to face it, and she thinks it's time we start talking about it. I agree, but I'm just so scared to go down that path again and relive that moment. My question is, for anyone who has had to do this, how did you mentally prepare for it? She doesn't want anything super detailed written out, just my thoughts and memories of the moment so we can teach me to cope with it. But the thought of even bringing that memory back up, let alone putting it on paper, is terrifying to me. Any thoughts on how to prepare for this?
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Writing For Therapy...
- Post starter brittris
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Writing has helped me a great deal! I struggled with talking and doing EMDR until I started to write. Some of my writings were detailed and some were just thoughts and feelings that made really no sense to me but gave her a lot to work with. Now we do EMDR based on my writings and it is helping tremendously to keep things more contained. Another reason why writing helped me is because I wasn't talking to her face-to-face about what happened I was putting it on paper and letting her read it when I was not present - I have a huge fear of failure, punishment, abandonment and I just did not want to see her reaction as she read it -it's not easy, but it was easier to write than to talk-I have a lot of fear.
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I think writing can play such an integral part of our healing. I write about everything and in different ways (letters I don't plan to mail, poems, rants, stories etc etc)
It does help to write down things so we know where to go from here. As she said, you don't need to go into deep depth, but you might find some sort of relief after getting down the basics of the trauma. So it might help you to do some meditation before you start writing to get to a place of calm.
Always keep your mind on the end goal of being able to look back on our traumas without them ripping us to shreds
*gentle hugs if you accept*
It does help to write down things so we know where to go from here. As she said, you don't need to go into deep depth, but you might find some sort of relief after getting down the basics of the trauma. So it might help you to do some meditation before you start writing to get to a place of calm.
Always keep your mind on the end goal of being able to look back on our traumas without them ripping us to shreds
*gentle hugs if you accept*
sun seeker
Diamond Member
I have also struggled with putting some of my memories on paper, but that wasn't because I didn't want to relive them. Writing doesn't usually do that for me. It was more because I was threatened as a child not to talk, and talking broke that rule. Although talking for some reason was easier than writing... maybe because writing leaves evidence.
The good thing about writing out your traumatic memory is that the act of writing itself moves the memory from the right into the left hemisphere of your brain, so you gain a more present-day, balanced perspective. That in itself makes looking at the event less traumatic.
But if the idea of even beginning is impossible, you'll need some way of making it easier. I wonder if you could start the writing in the session and your therapist could help you track your emotions and body sensations as you write?
The good thing about writing out your traumatic memory is that the act of writing itself moves the memory from the right into the left hemisphere of your brain, so you gain a more present-day, balanced perspective. That in itself makes looking at the event less traumatic.
But if the idea of even beginning is impossible, you'll need some way of making it easier. I wonder if you could start the writing in the session and your therapist could help you track your emotions and body sensations as you write?
Writing has helped me way more than I thought it would.
My t suggested playing music, lighting scented candles, having my dog next to me, meditation, and similar to help stay calm and in the present. Setting a time limit and having a "recovery routine" for afterward may help as well - I like to go on a walk or run with my dog to get into nature and away from any bad coping temptation. She also told me to trust myself and be okay with writing whatever I was comfortable sharing; more can always be added later. There are no rules. Knowing this helped me get started and I ended up writing more than I thought I could.
Good luck. It's worth it. :)
My t suggested playing music, lighting scented candles, having my dog next to me, meditation, and similar to help stay calm and in the present. Setting a time limit and having a "recovery routine" for afterward may help as well - I like to go on a walk or run with my dog to get into nature and away from any bad coping temptation. She also told me to trust myself and be okay with writing whatever I was comfortable sharing; more can always be added later. There are no rules. Knowing this helped me get started and I ended up writing more than I thought I could.
Good luck. It's worth it. :)
Are you scared to go down that path and relive that moment because you are afraid you will get stuck there? Reliving that moment should suck bc it was awful and it was horrible but remember that was then and this is now. You certainly can't erase history but you can sit with it for a little while and then put it away for a little while until you need to get it back out again. Sitting with it and figuring it out a little at a time will help you process it and move on from it. Scared is normal. I am scared too... But, I have to remember that it won't last forever and I can sit with the thoughts for a little while and it won't kill me.... I am stronger every time I go through that. Good luck!
Panda Bear
Platinum Member
Writing has been a life saver.
T gets information that he may have never gotten otherwise. It's taken us places that neither could have imagined. My writings end up having a profound impact on our work. Both emotionally and relationally. My memories come out more clear, my feelings more understood. T can often times get an accurate window into what really happened to me. Writing has relived my memory from a lot of pain. Getting it out in a different way besides talking was at times, our only method of me telling him what happened.
We both cherish the writings! He has hundreds...upwards of 200plus files of my writings. He keeps them all.
T gets information that he may have never gotten otherwise. It's taken us places that neither could have imagined. My writings end up having a profound impact on our work. Both emotionally and relationally. My memories come out more clear, my feelings more understood. T can often times get an accurate window into what really happened to me. Writing has relived my memory from a lot of pain. Getting it out in a different way besides talking was at times, our only method of me telling him what happened.
We both cherish the writings! He has hundreds...upwards of 200plus files of my writings. He keeps them all.
D
Deleted member 34328
Good questions @Rumors I don't thing writing should be about getting stuck anywhere. It's about finally releasing what's happening in your mind. Taking what is already happening in your mind and making it reality on paper. Gets the emotions out and validates that this really did happen. Regardless of what others might say or think, we write the truth...whether the goal is to share it or keep it tucked away.
I started journaling flashbacks, but now the urge to journal comes when I'm really overwhelmed with anxiety. I find it just starts to pour out of me and opens a portal that I would never have been able to get out any other way. I write whatever is going on at the moment. Sometimes things come out that I didn't even know were there.
This past week, I had a really difficult situation going on and instead of just standing blank at the door of my therapist's office, I handed him my tablet so he could read it. I couldn't verbalize it. He was very thankful to "hear" from me so he could take it from there.
Yes, writing is and has been a very important and crucial part of therapy and just personal sanity. Does any of this make sense?
I started journaling flashbacks, but now the urge to journal comes when I'm really overwhelmed with anxiety. I find it just starts to pour out of me and opens a portal that I would never have been able to get out any other way. I write whatever is going on at the moment. Sometimes things come out that I didn't even know were there.
This past week, I had a really difficult situation going on and instead of just standing blank at the door of my therapist's office, I handed him my tablet so he could read it. I couldn't verbalize it. He was very thankful to "hear" from me so he could take it from there.
Yes, writing is and has been a very important and crucial part of therapy and just personal sanity. Does any of this make sense?
Matt Johnson
New Here
I wrote about how writing helped my PTSD through a blog. Provided it's ok with the admin folks I'll put a link rather than quote it. In summary, writing helps clear and re-order the mind. Talking about emotions, symptoms, feelings etc helps the healing process and writing does this in a more concentrated more productive way. It worked well for me and, one day, I sat with the notes I had written and turned them into a book.
Hope writing helps you as well.
Matt.
matt johnson author
Looks like I can't put a link to it, sorry!
joeylittle
Sponsor
@Matt Johnson - you can provide information such as your home page, etc, under 'personal details' and 'contact details' in your profile. You'll be able to post links after you've spent a certain amount of time as a member. Any other questions, feel free to fill out a help-ticket. Welcome :)
Matt Johnson
New Here
Hi Joey. That's really very kind of you to send me that tip, thanks. I'll have a go at that now.
highwaybeauty
Bronze Member
I definitely empathise with your fear. For many, many years I couldn't even say the word 'rape'. So being able to talk about traumatic experiences is definitely tough. Writing traumatic experiences down is a form of 'Narrative Therapy' which can be used to help treat trauma. I have literally just given my first attempt at writing my experiences down. It is no easy task. For my irst time, I kept it extremely basic, no details, just a very basic recount. No more than a couple of sentences. Something that I have found that helped me was having some grounding techniques up my sleeve (i.e. playing with play-doh, using hand lotion, fidgeting with jewellery, looking at 5 colours in the room, feeling the texture of the chair I am sitting in). I attempted to remain very aware of any symptoms of dissociation (i.e. if I started to zone out, stop paying attention to what I was doing), anxiety or distress and went back to my grounding techniques. I also walked away from it for a bit and then went back to it. There is no rush and you need to do this in your own time and when you are ready. I am just beginning to realize that there is an entire community of people with similar experiences and that everyone is so incredibly resilient. All the best with therapy :)
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