Yoga and body memories

[KwanYingirl]

i have been participating in a Yin Yoga class for two years. This is a restoritive practice. Last week I started an active class of poses. Fundamentals. In Yin, it was all about mindfulness and breath and getting deep relaxation. I am getting wicked body memories during some of the active poses. As soon as I can feel my core muscles contract I get triggered. Lose my focus. I talked to my teacher and she told me I always have the choice of not doing the poses and just go to Child's pose til I come back into the practice.

I want to participate and get the stretching and balance, but I run out as soon as class is over and get home ASAP. I really should have gotten myself a lobster roll for a reward. Ack! What to do, what to do. She said yoga is the cessation of fluctuations in the mind. OK how does that happen if I just dissociate. Maybe I should just return to Mountain pose to get grounded and hope the others don't talk about me behind my back

 

[WildMermaid]

I am getting wicked body memories during some of the active poses. As soon as I can feel my core muscles contract I get triggered. Lose my focus. I talked to my teacher and she told me I always have the choice of not doing the poses and just go to Child's pose til I come back into the practice.

I'm not sure she listened as well as she could have. What you're experiencing and feeling is valid, and in a way by telling you to go into child's pose she seemed to be saying "not my problem" empathy feels lacking there. It is not her problem but if she's been a yoga instructor for any length of time she could be a bit more thoughtful in her response.

When I'm triggered in yoga I either stop and start again at another time or go into corpse pose and meditate a bit or cry or release in whichever way i need to. If Mountain works for you do it. Yoga is your own practice and it is part of your solo journey, 'eff what anyone else thinks.

By the way Quan Yin (and compassion) have very special meaning to me, and every single time I see your name my heart smiles.

 

[Seasounds]

First, you are wonderful as you are. I applaud you for your awareness and desire to tend to the area that you know your body-yourself, need supports (vs where the yoga teacher implies you could get to, if you only were the like the mythic figure).

I relate to your situation very well. My core muscles tighten, and then the fight, flee, fight, freeze system is activated. Spiritual and yoga teachers could not help me through the triggers; their training didn't go that deep, and they thought mediations, and the poses was all that I needed. I kept getting worse, until I took a break, and found a way to not have those activites trigger the memories.

Everyone one is different. You are wisely connected to your mindbody, let it guide you.

And, my suggestion, is maybe you could take a break, so you don't lose confidence and so you don't get re-triggered.
You will be able to go back, it just take a bit of learning new neuromuscular pathways.

The teacher doesn't have the depth of knowledge or the sensitivity from trauma experience, to be able to understand,respect, and guide you, at this point.

For the new neuromuscular pathways, you learn to find a way to be in the pose in a slightly, but profoundly, different way. For example, to the untrained eye, the way that two different people hold a pencil, appear to be the same, yet they are very different. The first person holds the pencil a bit tightly that the pencil can not be slipped out of her grasp. The second person holds the pencil so that the pencil can be slipped out of her grasp. In such an example, the hand position that is close to a position where there was discipline to the hands, will more likely trigger memories.

So you find a way to be in the position with a new balance of muscular activity. I did it using Alexander Technique and with a different yoga teacher-that encourage me to "explore" a pose, rather than repeat the triggering muscular pattern.

If I can do it, so can you! Let me know if you want any referrals to Alex. Tech. eachers in your area-the right one helps you explore movement rather than "replicate or force" a movement.

 

[KwanYingirl]

In defense of my teacher, she is very attuned to trauma as she has lead yoga sessions for trauma and is a therapist also. I may have misspoke to make it sound like she couldn't guide me. She comforted me before class as I went in early to talk to her and to tell her I have had this problem with Pilates too.

Throughout class she gave choices for poses. I ran out last week but am determined to get through this. I know what positions that put me in a vulnerable flashback situation. She reiterated that we all have a choice as how to hold a pose and to go to resting whenever we want. That's just avoiding. I'm always avoiding. Spinning my wheels. This time I'd like to overcome my distress and extinguish the triggers altogether.

 

[WildMermaid]

So you find a way to be in the position with a new balance of muscular activity. I did it using Alexander Technique and with a different yoga teacher-that encourage me to "explore" a pose, rather than repeat the triggering muscular pattern.

This is brilliant!

 

[Care Bear]

@KwanYingirl I apologize in advance if my situation isn't very congruent to yours, but I would like to share anyways if I can.....

I also practice yin yoga, but it has never triggered difficult response in me. However, I am an active mediator, and I sympathize with what you said about not wanting to keep avoiding. For awhile, I avoided meditation, I would get up whenever the flashbacks became too strong. Other times, I held out, but it just grew into extreme sadness, then rage, the longer I sat there.

I think you were on track with the lobster roll!!!! This is what I have been practicing.....self-soothing. After my rage incident (thank goodness I meditate alone) I stopped for awhile and formulated a plan. No more intense meditation until I have a self-soothing kit, ready to deploy in case anything comes up. I have fun movies downloaded, soothing music, distracting podcasts, my art supplies, light easy reading, etc. And since you practice outside the home, you might want to carry something with you or have it in the car to use right away while you transition to your home or the sushi shop ; )

I also printed out a pdf, put it in a plastic holder, and slipped it under my zabuton so it's handy if a flashback comes up. It's called "13 steps to managing flashbacks" and you can find it via google. I will also be adding some of my favorite quotes for difficult times.

Believe it or not, somehow it seems that just knowing I have these things available, as well as the support of you all here, has made me be able to return to my practice without any ill side effects (so far). Best of luck and please keep us posted, please.

 

[Hope4Now]

I admire your efforts to keep at it. I have had the same kinds of issues with many poses. So I avoid, avoid, avoid! One of the things my therapist recommended was trying certain triggery poses just briefly, to see if I could explore the physical sensations only and tolerate them for a little bit...not too much...just a little...one breath or two. It has been helpful, actually and I've managed to be able to do some for longer cycles of breath. I still cannot manage a class (mostly because I'm fearful that I will end up in a flashback). The irony for me is that child pose is one of the triggery ones. And being in a class is triggery in and of itself. Take it just a little bit at a time. Work on not judging yourself....just noticing and exploring. I'm so glad you have a teacher who is trauma aware! That's huge! I wish you the best as you pursue your efforts!

 

[Born to Run]

hope the others don't talk about me behind my back

Please let this be the least of your worries. I thought yoga was no competition, and who knows what the others have going on in their mind.

This time I'd like to overcome my distress and extinguish the triggers altogether.

I like this attitude, and I believe there are moments in which we have to break through the avoidance, and it takes a tough willpowered decision to begin with. I have had those moments and they have always been very effective. During my SE therapy the core muscles are often automatically addressed by processing certain emotions, and I have severe muscle aches. Saying you can implicitly work on this through therapy too, if it turns out too difficult.

'eff what anyone else thinks.

Sorry, but what does this 'eff mean?

 

[joeylittle]

what does this 'eff mean?

Slang: 'eff' replicates the sound of the letter F being spoken, which is standing in for the word 'f*ck'. So it's a way to swear without swearing.

 

[Born to Run]

Thank you @joeylittle I have seen it several times before, and could still make something out of the sentence, but this one was tricky :wacky:

 

[WildMermaid]

Afraid I do curse like a sailor quite often. :oops::rolleyes::eek:

 

[Born to Run]

I read somewhere that people who swear a lot are more honest people than people who do not swear. I agree with that, and have no problems with it at all.