You Know You Have PTSD When...


You have a shortlist of wicked cool interesting badass thought provoking threads you reeeeeeally want to respond to... but. just. cant. kick. the. stupid. headspace. you’re. in.

C’mon Brainz! Rub 2 neurons together and get a spark.

Then there’s also the oh-so-brilliant

...wait... didn’t I respond to that??? I remember writing, f*ck. And deleting. And rewriting. And deleting.

It appears to be THIS kind of week.


When you are completely pissed by the presence of everyone, at the same time fear that they'll find out you're anxious, and then missing their presence at the exact moment they leave.

Then when you're alone you wish to see people and find yourself triggered by your friend's message replying to news you did ask for and are pissed at the exact moment anyone gets remotely in your peripheral view.


When you know the night-time flight schedule by heart,
Every time ATC changes the approach vectors (twice a year, every spring and fall, it’s not like it’s new 😣), the screaming whine of incoming sends your heart through the roof.

I felt worse about that, until my dad’s bestie came to visit and he LEAPED up out of his chair (seriously at battle stations! with nowhere to go) the first plane that breaked and descended overhead.

Whew! Not just ME that jumps at that sound, when you aren’t expecting it / consciously filtering it out.
you realize that a book you read years ago was about PTSD, and another, and another
Slaughterhouse Five, Catch 22, A Farewell to Arms.
The first line of Slaughterhouse-Five? "Billy Pilgrim has come unstuck in time". I always thought that was a premise to everything Vonnegut wrote, he was the best at using the now popular preview, prolog, post-hoc, back story mish mash that makes writing and viewing more interesting just because you are in on a secret or wondering why something that didn't make sense happened until you are-reveal- shown an event from the past that led to it. Cheap and easy and overdone. Vonnegut used it to show that being unstuck in time isn't a real thing, it is just a real way of fealing as you slip through time, like I am here, now, but huge parts of me are there, then, and always will be and always have been, until the day I die.
When you have PTSD you get that
I feel an weird attachment tonthis post. I watched catch-22 at the beginning of treatment journey. I kept going back to and i paraphrase here "you dont have to fly if your insane, but since you know you are insane, your not and therefore you must try