When u think ur doing ok & feeling "fine" despite an uneasy incling that there's something not so right with the unusual manic mood ur in & the sudden craving to pay way too much attention to a lot of unhealthy substances & old coping mechanisms. & the way ur mind is bring up a lot more shameful memories than the daily quota. To then realise ur really f*cking resentful underneath actually & Xmas is really bothering u more than u would like to admit. Ahhh confusing