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You Know You Have PTSD When...

it was like the whole thing happened in slow motion with no feelings of panic, no emotional reaction, just numbness, like has happened when some previous trauma's occurred.

I know that feeling oh so well - it is more to do with hypervigilance than anything else, generally with me I've seen what is about to go wrong (people and their actions/reactions being so predictable) and I'm basically either en-route or already there. When my step-son was doing swimming lessons, I'd seen the teacher was expecting a little too much of them, some kids were just not up to what was being required, and I started moving toward where they were being released to swim back to the side at the deep end. As I got there (literally) one went down and looked like staying there, I just leaned down and grabbed him without missing a stride. It happened so quick no-one even freaked out or basically realised what almost happened. It's just one of those things, experience of shit going wrong is a major part of why hyper/vigilance isn't always a bad thing.
 
-When your “job” is therapy twice a week, and that is too much to do.
-When it is 4:30 in the morning and you just read through 69 pages of posts on this one topic.
-When you *happen* to never make it to the phone in time to answer a call from friends, but you answer texts within seconds, so your friends have figured out not to bother even trying to call.
-When every photo from Thanksgiving dinner has your mom looking in your direction with her best “concerned” face.
-When your vertical range triples just by someone tapping you on the shoulder unexpectedly.
-When you sit alone in the corner of a coffee shop reading a book for an hour and consider it a good day of socialization.
-When you don’t want to be alone, so you go to a friend’s house and ask her not to talk to you.
-When you are sitting in the waiting room of your doctor’s office and have absolutely no idea how you got there.
-When you start planning out your conversation with your therapist the night before your appointment, including her portion of the conversation.
-When you are walking around Walmart, hoping that someone will say something disrespectful to you so you can start a fight with them.
-When someone in a large group (20+ people) shouts something rude at you, and you have to remind yourself that starting a fist fight with that many people will probably end badly for you.
-When you never used to be angry, and it makes you sad that you are all the time now.
 
You know you have PTSD:

When your more emotional than your pregnant best friend.

When you cry at everything and nothing.

When you wish you were invisible.

When your best friend tells you your pathetic.

When breathing is difficult.

When getting through the next five minutes seems impossible.

When a hug means everything to you.

When you say "I'm fine" no matter how you feel.

When you hate yourself on so many levels you wish you could leave yourself.

When your head wont turn off.

When in the little sleep you do have, you use up more energy than when your awake.

When you go out in public dressed in your 'safe clothes' and don't care what others think cause its not possible for them to hate you as much as you hate yourself.

When you have a 'safe person' who is your hero :).
 

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