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General You told me your stories. Gave me your sins. And I carried them.

Yah…

It’s weird.

The stuff… as a parent… I’ve taken on? Is my right. It was my responsibility to protect them, and I failed.

At a certain age, it’s them & their choices, and the pain isn’t less? But the responsibility shifts. Or only goes so far. Because the time to TEACH? Is BEFORE they start making their own choices. Anything after that, is pure bonus. IMO/IME.

But with friends/lovers/familia?

It’s different, somehow. Being trusted with people’s truth? Creates a kind of bond I can’t exactly explain.

Which is why I posted this in the supporters area, rather than the sufferers side. Although it may fit better there, and can cheerfully be moved.

I came across the phrase in passing. And it just hit… soooo hard.

Because everyone I’ve ever TRULY loved? Has given me their pain. Their stories. Their sins. And they… somehow… become as much a part of me, as my own.

It’s a peculiar thing.

It’s not trauma dumping.

If I don’t f*cking care about you? Pfft, whatever. It’s like going to a movie, or reading a book. I may well experience real -vicarious- emotions… but? It doesn’t become a part of me.

The people I love?

It’s different.

I don’t know how to explain it, otherwise.

Except? This strange phrase I came across, and related to… so… powerfully.
 
The people I love?

It’s different.
I think I see what you mean. But, I think maybe I SEE it. Not quite sure I can offer an explanation. Obviously the feelings about the person matter. I wonder if this has to do with "vulnerability"? My T used to go on about "vulnerability" sometimes. Like it was a GOOD thing. (That view isn't really consistent with my version of reality....) But, what you're talking about seems to be what can happen when one person takes a chance on another and it works out. (?)
 
pilots say any landing you walk away from is a good one. in other words, no matter how awful, no matter how traumatic, no matter if it was the worst fear you ever experienced, walking away is the end of that and the start of whats next. Done that, walked away, how you doing?
Not even close to being true with family or very very close friends. Hell, the trauma can be caused by the act of walking away. Or being cut out. There isn't a before and after point, just bumps along the way.
Our diagnosis kind of says we weren't able to just walk away after the landing. No sense airing our shit out on people to see if they can walk away from it. Pros and cons: If they are truly empathetic we gain their empathy and maybe some insight and they pay for the gain we may get from telling. If they are assholes or destined to become one, they are an asshole with a secret that just walked away from the landing. Loose ends and out of our influence, maybe maliciously using our story and diagnosis against us, worst case. Easy choice, don't tell- and don't ask.

I pay to have an empathetic ear, and we can and will both walk away at some point. Family can't, it just isn't part of the deal.
 
Mm, I'm not too sure about this one. My mom is my supporter and after she learned more serious details about my abuse she wound up hospitalized. I don't think she has PTSD, just based on how different our mental health issues are - but learning aversive details of trauma that have happened to people who are extremely close to you is actually one of the definitions of criterion A for PTSD.

And I would say that she definitely internally perceived this information as traumatic, and reacted to it as though it were a direct trauma that happened to her (not that she experienced the abuse first-hand, but that she was having a first-hand experience of subjective suffering/trauma that it happened to her child). My issues are related to human trafficking and it's something that I find has a generational impact; it didn't "just" happen to me, it affected my whole immediate family.

Personally, I've lost count of how many people I have had lash out in completely illogical and disoriented ways simply from hearing events that are relatively "tame" in my mind (such as a basic rape, or beating, or whatever). Many of those people were actually therapists who were supposedly trained in handling this type of data - but inevitably this never turned out to be the case.

The people who were able to cope with it were those who had a different type of specialized training, alongside inborn factors of resilience and composure. These are the folks who just naturally aren't fazed, who then went on to learn exactly how to compartmentalize and structure things so it doesn't traumatize them. I have no doubt that there are many, many supporters who practice these sorts of things because it's purely natural to them - but I also have (a great deal more) experience with the opposite.

It definitely does something to you, gives you some kind of "complex," when even the professionals are kicking you out of the room so they can have a cry - while you're sat there stoically relaying Incident # 256.
I was able to work in a ER trauma I “shutting down” myself emotionally. Then I would move into problem solving. This came from my alcoholic/abusive upbringing. I’m retired now, but I still wake up to every siren. It takes me a few minutes to realize I am not working. Crazy I wake up like “what do I need to do”. So I know that it’s a trigger for me.
 
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