General You told me your stories. Gave me your sins. And I carried them.


It’s weird.

The stuff… as a parent… I’ve taken on? Is my right. It was my responsibility to protect them, and I failed.

At a certain age, it’s them & their choices, and the pain isn’t less? But the responsibility shifts. Or only goes so far. Because the time to TEACH? Is BEFORE they start making their own choices. Anything after that, is pure bonus. IMO/IME.

But with friends/lovers/familia?

It’s different, somehow. Being trusted with people’s truth? Creates a kind of bond I can’t exactly explain.

Which is why I posted this in the supporters area, rather than the sufferers side. Although it may fit better there, and can cheerfully be moved.

I came across the phrase in passing. And it just hit… soooo hard.

Because everyone I’ve ever TRULY loved? Has given me their pain. Their stories. Their sins. And they… somehow… become as much a part of me, as my own.

It’s a peculiar thing.

It’s not trauma dumping.

If I don’t f*cking care about you? Pfft, whatever. It’s like going to a movie, or reading a book. I may well experience real -vicarious- emotions… but? It doesn’t become a part of me.

The people I love?

It’s different.

I don’t know how to explain it, otherwise.

Except? This strange phrase I came across, and related to… so… powerfully.
The people I love?

It’s different.
I think I see what you mean. But, I think maybe I SEE it. Not quite sure I can offer an explanation. Obviously the feelings about the person matter. I wonder if this has to do with "vulnerability"? My T used to go on about "vulnerability" sometimes. Like it was a GOOD thing. (That view isn't really consistent with my version of reality....) But, what you're talking about seems to be what can happen when one person takes a chance on another and it works out. (?)
pilots say any landing you walk away from is a good one. in other words, no matter how awful, no matter how traumatic, no matter if it was the worst fear you ever experienced, walking away is the end of that and the start of whats next. Done that, walked away, how you doing?
Not even close to being true with family or very very close friends. Hell, the trauma can be caused by the act of walking away. Or being cut out. There isn't a before and after point, just bumps along the way.
Our diagnosis kind of says we weren't able to just walk away after the landing. No sense airing our shit out on people to see if they can walk away from it. Pros and cons: If they are truly empathetic we gain their empathy and maybe some insight and they pay for the gain we may get from telling. If they are assholes or destined to become one, they are an asshole with a secret that just walked away from the landing. Loose ends and out of our influence, maybe maliciously using our story and diagnosis against us, worst case. Easy choice, don't tell- and don't ask.

I pay to have an empathetic ear, and we can and will both walk away at some point. Family can't, it just isn't part of the deal.