OCD Afraid of my own ocd

[Upside Down Eagle]

My OCD has gotten really bad lately.

Mostly because it´s gone by completely unchallenged. I just reinforce my own behavior over, and over, and over. My therapist and I talked about me going to a specialized training for OCD, but I was scared of it back then. I´d like to do it now, but of course there´ll be a waiting list.

I´m scared of my OCD because if I challenge it, I´m afraid it will backlash. Do you think this is a realistic fear at all? Like I´m afraid I will blame myself for not completing my rituals (which is usually getting really angry and getting rid of the thing that triggered me immediately).

I´ll name a couple of examples so you have an idea. I´ll get it on my computer a lot. If things pop up without warning. If webpages refresh themselves out of the blue. When Facebook refreshes its stupid suggested pages feed and even when I press enter and a page adjusts to it.

Surfing the web is becoming almost impossible for me. Outside of my pc, it´s fear of germs - I share a house with other people and I´ll always use a paper towel to touch the things that they touched. I freak out when I find their hair in the sink or in the washing machine.

I would challenge it but I´m so scared of it that I don´t.

Do you guys have any similar experiences? Do you think I can deconstruct my own compulsions or at least try to?

 

[Friday]

Different disorder... But when my ADHD + PTSD get into bed with each other? They're both expressing the same symptom from 2 different sources? :wtf: It's a serious pain in the ass. Because, yes, I do have to go after both angles, at the same time, or they just link back up together.

And no matter which one I go after? (If I only go after one). The other is still expressing the same symptom.

So it's a triple hit. I still have the symptom whether it's an ADHD symptom, a PTSD symptom, or an ADHD+PTSD symptom. The only way I can break the symptom is to hit both sources of it.

Get on the wait list. :) The time will pass no matter what, but how much time has to pass? That alters. Do it now instead of next week, and it's a week less you'll have to wait.