Starting To Open...again

[trying2movefwd]

I've been with the newest therapist since May. Last week I shared with her a very small detail, but vital none the less of my life, the fear i had about a possible pregnancy and not knowing if the Father was my step dad or a boyfriend of mine in my mid teen years. I find it interesting how vulnerable we can become to our T's, we don't know much about them and yet we become this vulnerable to them. It's interesting isn't it? I guess the good news is that there is the proof that therapy works. Ummm and now im vulnerable here. Lol

 

[EveHarrington]

:hug:

 

[VioletButterfly]

It is an interesting dynamic. With my last T, I did all the talking as that was her philosophy (I was to be my own T) and I felt rather like I was being self-indulgent. In reality, I think I was just nervous and I prattled on just to not have silence. We stayed with every day stuff for the most part and did a little work on identity, but I wasn't capable of going deeper with her. I don't know if I will be able to do that with a therapist anymore or if I'll even return to therapy when I have money to do so. I agree with you on the vulnerability issue, both in therapy and here as well. I created a post yesterday and then came out and deleted the content because I just felt nervous and overexposed. lol I wish we could do that with conversations sometimes. Oh well. Just part of the process I guess. VB

 

[Lola Nocheprieta]

Ummm and now im vulnerable here.

Kudos to you, for being vulnerable! And for knowing where and with whom it's reasonably safe to be vulnerable (ie, your T & this forum.) I, too, had a pregnancy scare at 14, and I wouldn't have had a clue who the father was. Although I hadn't seen my father for 2-3 years at that point, I was sleeping with so many men it was ridiculous. Turned out to be a false alarm, but at least it prompted me to go to Planned Parenthood. This was just as the HIV/AIDS crisis was becoming known, and condoms were not in frequent use. But, at least no more pregnancy scares with a diaghram!

I think we must all carry intense shame about things we did, and things that were done to us, and what we had to do to survive. I know I struggle with shame more than any other emotion. Sometimes I mention a tiny thing in passing in t and my T can't always tell what's a "big, huge deal" for me versus "no big deal." Then maybe 2-3 sessions later I'll bring it up again. And it goes both ways. Sometimes my T will say something and inside I'll have this

 

[Lola Nocheprieta]

Oops, damn Post Reply button!

Anyway, sometimes I have a strong reaction to something my T says, but I keep it inside. Then, maybe I'll refer back to it several sessions later. Did you tell your T what a big deal it was for you to talk about that pregnancy scare, so long ago?

Keep up the good work in t, @trying2movefwd!