Traumatiser Approached Me At Work

[Wuhaja]

My teenager reminded me recently that it is tempting and simpler to blame than to see what was in her hands to do that she didn't.

As long as they can scapegoat you, they don't have to take responsibility for raising her to be suicidal and abusive. Your influence over her was a relatively short period of her life. Theirs is ongoing.

Obviously, they are projecting their collective guilt onto you.

You are not to blame for another adult's behavior.

 

[Vime]

So how can i calm myself down quicker?

 

[Jolig]

I don't know what to do in your specific case. But when I was being harassed at work by a coworker in the same way you were, what helped was reporting it officially and having him investigated.

It turned out he was doing this to his own supervisor in another department. She and I had both reported harassment/bullying and neither of us knew. Also, the employer already knew the guy was a total evil person.

The two reports gave them fuel.

He did one last attempt to intimidate me at work and I left a voicemail immediately with HR's assistant director.

There was no response, but I never saw him again, and found out they fired him then.

Can you file for a "NO CONTACT" order to the whole family or the people doing this? Can you record or take a photo of them when they come in?

I suggest you enlist a coworker who is willing to take photographs of these people when they come to your work, and to video them and help you document this so that you can make it stop.

Your emotions are normal for the situation, so there is no reason to make them stop. Once you have a friend and ally who is willing to take your case, you will feel better, less alone with this problem.

A private detective who only charges when they get results, or some other kind of support would be a good idea.

Also, asking for a transfer to different branch and totally different location is not a bad idea.

 

[Egug]

Im not running away, thats what im trying to find out as well if i can file a no contact order etc. By the sounds of it i will have to wait until they come down next time to finish it, we're not allowed our phones during a shift either, and i mean just to calm myself down so i stop thinking about it to be honest normal or not its driving me up the wall lol..

 

[Olohi]

Wow I really hope you don't hold yourself to blame as they seem to want to makd you feel! Looks like you've become their target, where they can direct their own guilt and shame.
I agree. Don't run and hide.
maybe she was being manipulative or maybe she really needs help!
I got blamed for my partners demise by one of his drinking buddies - he was an alcoholic. At the time it scared me and I think I believed I was to blame.
Now it makes me angry!! Wtf - friend, stop drinking with him and be a real friend. grow up!!
Sorry. It really makes me angry this kind of stuff. Suicide or an attempt is bad enough, hurts everyone!! And it traumatises everyone too.

 

[Wegaf]

So how can i calm myself down quicker?

Do you have PTSD from something before they came and yelled at you? Meaning are they triggering you & your past is crashing in on you as well? If so, then focusing on the immediate issue at hand won't gain you any traction in your symptoms, in fact focusing on the stressor often just makes things worse as your brain will continue to try and alarm! alarm! from past trauma. Like Pandora's box, the old stuff needs to be dealt with once opened. Or is the increased stress of their harassment filling your stress cup & bringing on symptoms? If so, then taking steps to lower your stress levels is absolutely necessary. Or possibly both?

Why I ask is that PTSD is often misdiagnosed (especially by GPs) ... And if you're not PTSD, but dealing with a disorder brought on by being shouted at, or grief, or disorder/chaos, or, or, or,... What will work best to both calm yourself down quicker & to deal with other symptoms of anxiety/intrusive thoughts/etc. will have very different answers than dealing with those same shared symptoms with PTSD. I hate to see anyone wasting years of their life banging their head against a brick wall doing things that help DisorderA, but make DisorderB worse, and have no effect at all on DisorderC.

 

[Ozoma]

Do you have PTSD from something before they came and yelled at you? Meaning are they triggering you & your past is crash...

Both. It does bring the past back to a degree, but i'm a different person now so I recognise THEIR bad behaviour etc and that the attempt wasn't my fault. It unnerves me though as I always thought with time it would go away. Now that I am fighting back, that also has increased anxiety etc but obviously i'm not stopping standing up for myself so yeah. It's their presence that brings stuff up, I believe it is PTSD because of this and also my counsellor continuously identified it as such, I definitely believe it's PTSD.

But the past still comes up, and I get (am) very angry too, all i've done is be positive/move forward and still these people are carrying on. On top of it, work made it apparent that they can now argue them being barred out of my work... Although I doubt they will (and they'd lose, I have too much evidence) the suggestion makes me feel sick lol. For me whats always helped, is moving on/being positive/positive thinking/actions. Since the event all i've done is get stronger, but that, when they approached me, that was as I feel too far and rightly so but as I said it brought stuff back up.

When you say a disorder brought on by grief, what do you mean?

 

[Lafafa]

When you say a disorder brought on by grief, what do you mean?

Most commonly, MDD, but there are a slew of disorders that can be brought on by grief and bereavement. Do most people kick into a disorder under grief? Nope! Just like most people don't kick into a disorder from trauma (PTSD or other trauma related disorders). http://www.dsm5.org/Documents/Bereavement Exclusion Fact Sheet.pdf

 

[Gosato]

Now it's time to fight back further.