Dont Know Why I Try Anymore

[Sideways]

I don't know if this resonates at all, but my nasty Abandonment friend comes out to play when I get shut down. Makes me feel unwanted, isolated, alone. I come here for support, and I get abandoned.

Only I'm not. It was just one member, one post, and a really bad day for both of us.

Still with you. Still listening to you, and appreciating you. Still care about you.

 

[Friday]

I don't even know why Im posting anonymously as its obvious whom I am and I couldnt care less.

I have no idea who you are.

but apparently I hurt people and piss people off.

Of course you do. We all do. I have no idea how many people on here have me on ignore or just plain & simple can't stand me. The Rule of Thirds says probably at least 1/3 :p ((Rule of Thirds : No matter what you say or do apx 1/3 of the people will like/love you for it, 1/3 don't care, & 1/3 dislike/hate you for it.)) There is absolutely no way to make everyone happy, or to avoid pissing people off. It doesn't matter how well intentioned you are. Some of the things where I'm at my most well intentioned? And actually attempting to tread carefully? Bwaaaaahahahaha. :roflmao: Taken badly doesn't even begin to describe it! That's fine, though. That's their business. Not mine.

I am human, I do make mistakes too and I am also hurting as well but I push my hurts aside to hear the hurts of others but none of that matters.

Maybe try stopping that? (The bolded section)

That kind of distraction is really helpful/useful for some people. Gets them out of their heads, gets their problem solving skills some exercise, helps their mood, etc. For other people? All it does is fuel resentment and anger. For others? It's an avocation; it's what they do in life, are good at, and love. For others? It's a balance sheet, and dammit, people owe them! For others? It's a way to work on their own problems. For others? They have shit prioritizing and no matter how unimportant someone else's stuff is, nor how important their own stuff is, other people's stuff is always more important to them. For others?... (See my point? People help other people for a wide variety of reasons).

If your reasons are hurting you? Or if the way you're going about it is hurting you? Try changing that. There's a bunch of different ways to do that (from not listening at all, but focusing on yourself right now... To not pushing your hurts aside to listen, but only listening when you're doing well).

People are all f*cking alike in my world[

Very good catch. Because people aren't all alike. We have different everything (motivations, opinions, desires, et al).

Personally, when "everyone" becomes a single entity? I know who it is. It's me. I'm transferring my own hopes & fears onto everyone else. It's a massive cognitive distortion. I can use that to my advantage, in getting to know myself, but it's a serious pain in the ass. For other people I've known well enough to know who they see? They aren't reflecting themselves in everyone they see, but are seeing an abuser, or drop into total derealization / people aren't real to them at all. In all cases like that, though, it isn't real. Because people are all different. Everyone/Nobody, Always/Forever? Aren't real. Catching myself drop into that? So freaking useful! If you haven't gotten to the point where you can use that as a tool, yet? <grin> Yes, it's a pain in the ass. But it's also huge in changing things. :D

My mistakes, that's all that matters

I don't know "who" you see when you see everyone the same... But this? That's a core belief about yourself. It isn't true, unless you want it to be true, and believe it.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Maybe try stopping that? (The bolded section)

I do that because to me, other's hurts are more important that mine. Not to hold resentment, I never do that and theres only 2 people i can say i hold resentment against and both are in my family and both due to their actions, not mine or my non-action.

Very good catch.

I said it like that for a reason because everyone is everyone in my true world and everyone in my true world has left.

It's a massive cognitive distortion.

I have a ton of those but i wish, i wish people would give me a f*cking chance. I chance to right my wrongs, to be a true friends as i know myself to be, to talk things out with. Why, why do people just up and leave. Thats a shitload of people, what is it about me that makes people run at their first chance? This person wasnt the only one, they were like somewhere around 165th person so that means theres something about me that makes people run. Not distortion, im just looking at f*cking reality. It f*cking sucks!

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Well though i checked annoymous it isnt annoymous but i dont care, it was obvious anyway.

Or thought i did, i replied too fast while multitasking but again, obvious to the remainder.

 

[shimmerz]

You could have been any one of us. I had no idea who you were.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

You & FJ didnt, the rest did but they also knew of the situation.

Goes to show me to not try to keep up an anon while multi tasking lol.

 

[Deleted member 29920]

I didn't know who you were either, and I wouldn't run away from you :hug:

 

[Mallaky]

(maybe I get totally wrong who you are. so take this all with a load of salt)
(edit: I GOT WRONG WHO YOU ARE)
(edit: ABORT! ABORT!)

Listen man, I would love to help you and be there for you and listen to you. And if I want that, then many more do too. Im not special that way.

But I see so much unfiltered anger. Hands flying over the keyboard typing the first things that come to mind. But it seems the only posts you really respond too are the ones that make you fly of the handle. To me it seems you just want to be angry. You want to vent all day. You only respond to those posts that make you go all angry and loud and righteous. So, what is anyone supposed to do? Write a post that you won't respond to anyway, because with 10 helpful posts you will only go on about the one that pissed you off? Why would anyone?

I have absolutely no idea how to respond to that. And I think I am not the only one. Im not special that way.
Don't need that. Other people are ill too, you know. Its not just you.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

@Mallaky i know you thought anonymous was someone else so I know the post wasnt meant for me

so take this all with a load of salt

That would be rather hard to swollow (a load of salt) ;)

(edit: I GOT WRONG WHO YOU ARE)
(edit: ABORT! ABORT!)

Careful with anonymous posts as it can be anyone. What I do is just read the words, I dont try to guess whom it is, just respond to the words. I do the same in the anonymous section as I know some MODs feel they need to post, when posting as members, that they need to go anonymous as when people see MOD they treat/talk to them different then if they werent MOD. Personally I dont as I know they are people too, with issues, with trauma, with PTSD but some do. I said it was obvious because plenty had seen the situation, i vented it in my diary (which didnt help), changed my status all right before posting this. I needed some unfiltered outside replies.

The rule of 3rds doesnt happen in my life, in my life as soon as i make a friend and feel safe enough to let them close, i make a mistake or theres some miss understanding the then i loose the friend. Its reality of my world. I dont know another person that has caused their entire family to hate them, make all and any friends leave, make all people that they've reached out to online leave, my ex couldnt deal with my issues and thats how he excused being abusive and cheating on me (i left him but i still count that), cant seem to gain a boyfriend as once they hear of or see my issues they find some reason to leave or just go black (dont answer calls or text). And it really does go on. Going black is just what happened.

It just makes me sad, depressed, and very much alone. Im sure i'll eventually be ok again but i certianly will be more careful of making friends on here, letting someone that close. It sucks as that is something i need to work on, letting people close but i cant help that. Its an automatic thing right now. My inbox will always be open for people that need to talk but it wont go the other direction so now i feel like im back at the beginning, dealing with it all alone...

 

[ladee]

Even if I 'feel' all alone, I'm not.

 

[EveHarrington]

The truth is that I already asked for no OT talk in my thread. You continued to do that and even joked about it. I had to repeat myself. I decided to just walk away because I feared your over the top reaction. Well, the over the top reaction came anyway, in this thread, in a very public way. I don't regret setting my boundary and I don't regret walking away. I have seen this happen in the past and predicted what was coming----unfortunately I was right. I can't handle the yelling/profanity. My actions were based on predictions; predictions I made because of behavior I have seen in the past. And when my worst fears come to fruition I know I made the right move. I couldn't have handled an inbox full of f*ck and the like. Intentions mean nothing when you end up walking all over people. I'm not discussing this any further. I wasn't even going to reply but people already know who you're talking about. I refuse to feel guilty for setting reasonable boundaries in my threads and then walking away when those boundaries are completely disregarded.

 

[Ava Jarvis]

So like I had no idea who anybody was in all this until everybody revealed themselves.

I think possibly the best lesson to take away from all this is

1. We end up hurting people in life unintentionally. We aren't magic and we aren't perfect. It's going to happen.

2. When someone tells us that we hurt them, we should acknowledge that they are hurt and not make the situation about us.

3. We apologize and let the matter go and try not to wind ourselves into knots about how the other person rejected us when we were only trying to help. We recognize that intent never erases harm.

Like literally? This is the only way to be able to healthily socialize with other folks suffering from trauma and/or chronic illness.

And when you try to help others, hurt them, and then make the situation about yourself? I don't know that helping others is quite the right phrase on that. It's selfish and it can be rather toxic—not just to them, but also to yourself.

Still, I know that not everybody is ready to go this route or even agrees with this outlook in the slightest. I don't want to push the matter; just tell you what I've learned over the years, or at least what I think I've learned.