Supporter Admitting He Has Ptsd

[CowgirlUp]

Well, I am brand spanking new here! Not new to Combat PTSD. Dad had it, ex fiancé had it who went through a depressive episode and broke up with me after 2 years. I am with a man now that has combat PTSD (was deployed to combat zones 3 times) but does not talk about it. I have brought up my father to try and bring up the subject and he becomes edgy and he changes the subject. I do not bring up my ex as talking about other men irks him quite a bit. He has the mood swings, the isolation, extreme trouble sleeping, he is convinced he will at an early age, he has several friends with PTSD that committed suicide, he goes through hobbies like no tomorrow (whatever the one of the moment it's 110% on), he wants a relationship but he can't seem to make them work because I don't think most women understand what he's going through and that it isn't them. I do. But, I can't talk to him about it. I am actually afraid to talk to him about it because he can be very moody. He did a brief isolation period on me of not answering texts or emails so I questioned him one too many times and got the "Please do not message me again..." not the first time and typically he will come back in a couple days or week like nothing happened. I understand if he says, I need some alone time and nothing is wrong but I need space but to bark "Do not message me again" is very hurtful. I will leave him alone a bit but this time I am wanting to write him an email after a few days and tell him about my father and ex fiancé and their PTSD and tell him I am not diagnosing him but that I suspect he already knows he suffers from PTSD the and ----------------- this is where I get lost. I don't want him to think I am prying but I want him to know I understand more than he may think, that we can talk about it, I still love him and think he is a hero, that us acknowledging it will not make me see him as any less of a man. He refers to himself as 'difficult' and in my heart I know he knows. To my knowledge he is not currently being treated. I am searching for suggestions from carers or sufferers of combat PTSD. Thank you.

 

[Sighs]

Hi there. Welcome.

I'm also the daughter of a combat vet now partnered with a combat vet. That Freud huh? What would he know. ;)

I guess I'm wondering what you reaction you are seeking from your man. Are you trying to get him into treatment? Or are you prepared to accept him as he is? (No judgement there - genuine question.)

How long have you been together?

 

[CowgirlUp]

Hi there. Welcome.

I'm also the daughter of a combat vet now partnered with a combat vet. That Freud hu...

We have been together two years with some breaks in there due to isolation. I want him to know I understand much of it. I want him to understand that although he has this illness he is not 'guilty' or should not feel ashamed. I have witnessed him use behaviors that make me believe he has been in treatment at some point. There are certain things we do not talk about, this is one of them. I tried bringing it up about my father and he changed the subject or he get's that dead fish look that I have come to know as "next subject!". I want him to trust me. Also, he is extremely sensitive but cannot articulate his own feelings. So, the feelings are there but what to do with them confuses him and I'd like to help be a safe place for him to understand hurt feelings, sadness, loss if that makes sense. I have lurked here for about a year and I have to say that I don't think his PTSD is as severe as others which makes me believe he has learned some management skills (such as the extreme hobbies). He has been out for 5 years now. I want to write an email acknowledging his illness and my support but I am afraid of how to say it.

 

[intothelight]

@CowgirlUp Welcome to the forum! :)

Let him know you are there when he is ready, but don't press the issue. You have a valid point about his text being hurtful and let him know that all he needs to say is that he needs space and that is fine. A time limit might also be a good boundary as if he doesn't contact you for a few days that you will send a text and would at least like one back acknowledging that he is alright.

 

[CowgirlUp]

Thank you for your reply. I cannot press any issue as it will set him off. He has to set with things and allow them to percolate in his mind. That is why I am thinking that writing an email is best as he can reread it.

 

[Silentwhisper43]

Hello and welcome :) you are going to find a lot of great support here.

You mentioned talking to him about getting into treatment. You should definitely have the conversation maybe not try to bait him into it with conversations about your dad but in a more straightforward manner. In the end though it's going to be his decision to work on things in his life and your relationship.

More importantly what are you doing for yourself? You mentioned an ex fiancé who disappeared and your father who suffers from ptsd. Sounds like a lot for you to handle. Have you been to therapy at all? I know for me taking that step and pulling the focus off my vet helped us a lot. When I started working on me instead of obsessing over every little thing he did or didn't do changed the dynamic. And he even noticed I was happier, it made him feel good because if I was happy around him he felt responsible. Something a long the Pavlov lines, anyway I digress. Take care of yourself first even if it's little things like a vacation weekend away with friends or a spa day.

I wish you both the best he is lucky he has someone so understanding in his life. :)

 

[Suzetig]

Welcome to the forum, there's a very good group of supporters here who have a great deal of knowledge. I hope you find the help you're looking for.

 

[CowgirlUp]

@CowgirlUp Welcome to the forum! :)

Let him know you are there when he is rea...

Thank you intothelight. Well, another day of the silent treatment but I am leaving him be for now. I like the idea of boundaries and a time limit. He acts as if I am the most annoying person to him when he is about to isolate.

 

[EveHarrington]

Warm welcomes! :)