How Do I Know

[Ronin]

Man, you're fine.

I wasn't even saying it for that, more that it's something you can work on for yourself, that disorders ain't a weakness, just something that happens to people, and in assuming it makes one 'weak' you're not helping yourself deal with it.

 

[Adrian2016]

Yeah I feel really stupid after yesterday. I felt so sure that I was misdiagnosed just because I had a decent day. Today I am back to the dark places and I realize how foolish I am to even be in denial of this. My whole family was like " oh that makes alot of sense" as soon as they heard the diagnosis. I need to accept that I am sick. That I did endure terrible traumas and that I was a child with a childs perspective. What seems deadly to a child may not seem deadly to an adult. Bottom line. Also, I know that my life experiences are abnormal in almost every way. I need to swallow this fact pill. And I thank you all for helping me to see that.

 

[Adrian2016]

Man, you're fine.

I wasn't even saying it for that, more that it's something you can work on for yoursel...

Im glad...sometimes my brain goes into overdrive...

 

[Ronin]

sometimes my brain goes into overdrive

Welcome to the club <looks around at whole the forum, about>.

 

[Adrian2016]

Welcome to the club <looks around at whole the forum, about>.

Lmao

 

[joeylittle]

That I did endure terrible traumas and that I was a child with a childs perspective. What seems deadly to a child may not seem deadly to an adult.

I might get disagreed with on this, but I'd advise you to not get too, too caught up in this idea. It's territory that isn't fully understood, and may or may not have traumatized you to the extent that you could develop PTSD from it. Remember, a large percentage of people who experience trauma do not develop PTSD.

This is not to say that you don't have a lot of stuff to work on, there.

Also, I know that my life experiences are abnormal in almost every way.

This is, in my opinion, more important to keep track of. What you describe in the evolution of your life as a dealer, and the things that happened after you got out - it's a lot of stuff. The beating you describe sounds quite severe. There is a degree of fear or pain that is so strong, it hits a different level - that's sort of a prose version of what criterion A trauma is. It's why the concepts of believing you are going to die, or believing you are going to sustain irreversible, life-altering injuries - and by believing, I think we really mean 'knowing' - that there is a burst of a moment of knowing you're not going to survive, or completely survive, what is happening.

Or, constant exposure to that kind of environment. Seeing it over and over, working with it, etc.

Finding out what the root of the trauma is, the event that had the most significant effect, it's important. I guess all I'm trying to say is keep an open mind about what it might be, because it might not be something you are even fully aware of, yet. But the more you talk about all of it, the clearer it becomes. Your therapist should be able to help you sort out managing these two different entry points, your childhood and your adulthood, and making sure that both are being examined.

 

[Adrian2016]

I might get disagreed with on this, but I'd advise you to not get too, too caught up in this idea....

I think you make a fair point. I guess you nailed it on the head with where I am right now. I spoke to my therapist today and she is trained to make diagnoses as she has a master's degree in clinical social work. She has stood by her diagnoses as ptsd. Now, I am searching for the root of it. So I can move past it..learn from it...and heal...does that make sense?

 

[Adrian2016]

And the beating was severe, it was 3 on 1 and a surprise attack. My family's safety was put into jeopardy. I did not know if I would live or not. I just happened to have a two by four handy. There have been other incidences of this sort as well. That was just one example. Have been jumped by 12 people before, hit in head with crow bar, so hard that I pissed my pants. Held at gunpoint. Many things. Criminal activity can lead to many enemies.