Feeling Suicidal; Cant Tell Anyone;have To Llive

[trying2movefwd]

I am feeling like I would be better off dead. :( But my kids would not. How do I live when a big part of me doesn't want to. I can't even tell anyone how I feel because my children would be taken from me and they have already lost so much this year...their friends, their home, their belongings (they ha ee nice and new now though)....I had to leave with them at a moment's notice after my last encounter with their father (very violent)...they see him supervised once a week, used to see him everyday. I lost my jobs, lost my self, I cant function. . . Im worthless. :( *crying* I need the flashbacks, dissociation, anxiety,and hypervigilance to go....I cant take it any more!!!!!!

 

[trying2movefwd]

I see why some turn to substances though i never have.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I know its hard but hold on for your kids. When im on the edge, this video helps me. Imagine your family, your kids saying this:

Hold On by Good Charlotte

ETA: I CARE VERY MUCH ABOUT YOU!! Message me if you feel like just letting it out or someone to talk to! We care :hug:s X a millon!

 

[ladee]

You are telling us and that counts for a whole whole lot !!! No, your kids would not be better off without you... especially if you did the deed... And you can and will deal with what you have to... I am so sorry you are hurting and feeling so overwhelmed... that is part of PTSD,,, ya know, that f*cking club we belong to that we didn't even want to join !!!!
You got out of harms way... and no, we can not be perfect parents... no such thing... but we can teach them that living has purpose.. and right now, your purpose is your kids.... sometimes we can do this for our kids when there is no way in hell we would do it for our self.... and life has many new starts.... even normal people start over !!!
So, see your T if you have one, if you don't, then get one.... Substances will only prolong the pain.... it's not going anywhere... so might as well gut it out and do what you have to do... sorry this is not said with flowers and balloons... but it is said from my heart , and from my own very hard journey....
You told us what is going on... and that took tremendous courage !!! Being a mom with PTSD is the hardest thing you will ever do... but it IS doable !!!! Sending you hugs to help you not feel alone.

 

[Mytime]

Trying2 you are safe here. What ever you want to talk about, let it out. You are a strong person, and you have support here. :hug:

 

[UnKnown-Self]

I am so very sorry you are in such a painful place @trying2movefwd. Take some deep, slow, deeper still breaths and hold it for a few seconds. Then slowly release and when you think you released all your air, try releasing more. Repeat this very slowly. Concentrate on your toes as you slowly breathe in and out. Then your feet, relaxing the muscles ... Keep focusing on your breath and move upwards through your body, relaxing each muscle, filling yourself with calm and letting the tension slowly expel out. Your mind will wander but bring it back. Try to see yourself letting the pain go. Just for now, don't think about what was. Breathe in deep, deeper, hold it before letting it slowly out. Stay right here in the moment. Just BE you and your breath. Keep relaxing up you legs, back, neck, your shoulders, breathing, your arms , hands feeling the muscles relax. Go back up and feel the breaths deep in your chest keep focused on relaxing. Don't forget your face and head as you breathe deeply in and out. Stay in the moment as much as you can. If you have a higher power, breathe it in and breathe out the tension. Please take time to ground yourself. For you and your children. Sending love and patience for you to breathe in... I have been there and got through it. You can too. :hug:

 

[mrsmegan]

@trying2movefwd I am so sorry you are in a painful spot. I know I can relate. I have children as well - and they are often the reason I don't act on suicidal or self-harm thoughts. You are strong and you are brave. You are worthy.

 

[trying2movefwd]

I JUST SAVED my own life and right now I am mad at myself for it.

 

[ladee]

I don't know what happened and I understand the anger, but am very grateful you saved your own life. Sometimes it really isn't what we want at all. We just want the pain to stop for awhile. sending gratitude hugs to you if you accept.

 

[trying2movefwd]

I thought out a plan, got what I needed to succeed with intent, then kept crying off and on, realized how close I was to actually doing something permanent, scared myself, sent a text to a friend and told them i needed someone to come and take it away from me. What's my problem? Its like I notice parts of me resisting one another.

 

[trying2movefwd]

I thought out a plan, got what I needed to succeed with intent, then kept crying off and on, rea...

I hope this doesn't get me in trouble here.

 

[ladee]

I doubt it will get your in trouble, people will be more focused on the fact you asked for help... happy you are here today... hugs if accepted !!