Relationship Advice, Ssri Side Effects

[Sally2211]

I was dating a guy who had recently been diagnosed with PTSD a few months prior to meeting me. He was very open & upfront about everything. He is a police officer & PTSD was caused from dealing with horrific car accidents ect as part of his job and not being able to talk about it. I'm not sure what his treatment involved but I know that he was on SSRI antidepressant - I think prozac. The side effects that we talked about was crazy sweating - you'd think he just got out of a pool sometimes & body twitches from time to time. He was always very open about his warm feelings towards me, very affectionate & was planning a future including booking a holiday, tickets to shows & thinking of where to eventually settle down & buy a property. We stayed over each other's place whenever possible. We only had sex a few times. I wasn't too concerned as we both had said we were after a long term relationship, rather than just sex & we hadn't been together for very long (few months) so I was happy to get to know him. He would cuddle me all night however - not let go at all & was so happy that I would cuddle him back. I did think it was unusual that he wasn't 'poking me in the back' of a morning. I felt he did struggle a little with sex, and didn't finish on some occasions, and never instigated. Out of the blue, he sent me a text message saying he was sorry but he didn't feel a sexual connection with me. He said he definitely had a physical attraction to me & thinks I'm amazing, but he likes lots of sex & he doesn't feel that with me. He was very apologetic saying it took a while for him to get his head around it.

I have had minimal contact with him since, only through text & email - I don't think he wants to see me or contact him anymore, but he has always been polite. (It has been a few months now).

When I have pushed for answers he insists it was just a lack of sexual attraction - everything else was perfect, (his words), but sex is a deal breaker. My concern is that this lack of desire (& performance) is just from the anti depressants & not a sign of incompatibility! I would support him & I have told him all this, but he doesn't respond. I hear that he may be looking for a new job outside of the police force (which he loved) which makes me think that his PTSD is not under control. I'm finding it hard to let go & move on when I want to support him as I feel our breakup is a result of his PTSD & treatment rather than not suitable. Am I kidding myself? Is this normal behaviour for someone with PTSD? Is there any suggestions for what I should do?

 

[Fadeaway]

Nothing you mentioned seems to suggest that it is PTSD. Some people are very picky in their sexual preferences. It is possible you were too dominant in bed or not dominant enough for his particular taste. It could have been anything that wouldn't have mattered to 99% of guys but he had a quirk about. I do know that you never ever bring up a guys inability to perform ever unless it is in the context of playing it off as if his just create build up for a more intense session later in the day or next morning depending on the time. Let a guy think you thought he did it on purpose. Otherwise, they get super weird about it.

I hear that he may be looking for a new job outside of the police force (which he loved) which makes me think that his PTSD is not under control.

Sounds pretty rational to me. His PTSD may b every well under control and he doesn't want to put himself in a situation where he could become retraumatized and no longer have it under control. I actually think that is a healthy decision.

I know this may not be easy to hear, once the high of being "in love" wears off, either real love develops or you no longer feel strongly for that person. it is very normal.

 

[Sally2211]

Nothing you mentioned seems to suggest that it is PTSD. Some people are very picky in their sexual pre...

Ok, thanks for your opinion. I don't know much at all about PTSD to be honest. I hope you are right & he is taking control of his health.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

I don't know that I have a lot to offer on this particular thread except that I'm taking an SSRI as well and one thing my T told me is that it can decrease libido. I'm not on Prozac though and never have been. Maybe prozac isn't the best one for that particular area, however if he is well informed about the side effects of various meds and this one helps in many other areas, then my heart goes out to him.

I think you're awesome for wanting to learn more about PTSD so as to be better able to support him in the future if the opportunity presents itself.

On the side, I also agree with @Fadeaway in that it's devestating to a guy to feel incompetent or unable to meet your needs. ALWAYS better to find a way to build him up and make him feel on top of the world.

 

[Sally2211]

I don't know that I have a lot to offer on this particular thread except that I'm taking an SSRI as wel...

Thanks for your comment. I hope his Dr did discuss the side effects of his medication. There was never any negative talk between us about sex.

 

[EveHarrington]

I think that it may just be one of those issues of incompatibility. I know it hurts when there is an incompatibility issue that ends up being a deal breaker.

Even if it's a matter of him being unable to perform due to meds, it would be extremely risky for you to bring up the issue with him. No man wants to feel inadequate.

 

[Sally2211]

R

I think that it may just be one of those issues of incompatibility. I know it hurts when there is...

Yes, I think I will just leave him alone then. I don't want to add to his anxiety. I just felt that you would stick by a partner who was being treated for heart disease or cancer etc & whatever side effects they bring, why should a mental health issue be any different. But he was the one that ended things & I don't know for sure if the anti depressants/anxiety was a factor, so I have to assume that we just weren't meant to be. (I couldn't care less about the sex, never did, he was a nice guy, but it was important to him obviously). My reason for posting this in the first place was to get advice from people who know about PTSD & I didn't know how else to do that. Thanks All.