Help Me Understand The Professional Mentality Of Therapists

[Bragado Jansing]

If you don't care for what 20 therapists haven't told you, perhaps you might consider that it might not be all of them. It may just be that you aren't yet at a place to begin separating yourself from the harmful people in your life to begin the hard work of processing therapy, and that is ok. But I do think it's important to at some point look at who were are surrounding ourselves with, and decide if that is the life we wish to continue living or if we're willing to try something different.

I'm definitely in this place. So you're wrong. I was in this place 2 years ago when a therapist took advantage of my problems. Just because you lucked out on a good experience doesn't make it evidence of a healthy system.

 

[expectingbetter]

Can you explain how did they took advantage of your problems?

 

[Bragado Jansing]

Can you explain how did they took advantage of your problems?

Sure. Due to my abuse I was a very compliant person, had a very poor grasp on thinking for myself, etc. So this therapist led me by the nose. She'd puff up my ego with all sorts of fantastic, blanket statements about how amazing and wonderful I was. She'd tell me my family wasn't abusive, that my job wasn't abusive, she'd deny my own thoughts and feelings I was trying to come to terms with. When I started realizing my family was abusing me, she'd tell me it was all in my head and that I was imagining things. Or that my job was really bad for me, she'd tell me that it was some kind-of phantom of my own mind going on. Despite the fact that it wasn't like that at all. She really screwed me up a lot more than I was already.

She'd flirt with me and make innuendos towards me. When I'd express my discomfort with any of this, she'd act like a victim and guilt me and act hurt, which she knew was a button she could push to get me to do what she wanted because I told her about that previously. Stuff like that. She did some pretty creepy stuff in addition to this. I quit when she wanted to get into sexual stuff, and she was like, "I never talk about sexual things with clients, but you're different." I'm really glad I didn't go down that road with her.

I'm sure you're doubting me and thinking that I must be wrong about everything. I get that vibe on this board sometimes when a person speaks up about therapy. It feels like abuse all over again. Some PTSD board this is!

 

[BloomInWinter]

I never said that the system is healthy. I don't believe that it is. I never said that there aren't abusive, incompetent, or just plain harmful therapists out there because there are.

I hope your path brings you deep healing and peace, whatever you decide to do.

 

[Bragado Jansing]

I never said that the system is healthy. I don't believe that it is. I never said that there aren't abusive, incompetent, or just plain harmful therapists out there because there are.

I hope your path brings you deep healing and peace, whatever you decide to do.

Yeah, except that you said it was me who was the problem. C'mon, you can just scroll up and read it. I think I'm done with this place for a while.

 

[expectingbetter]

It sounds like you have wanted opinion of others but really don't want to be different than yours.

One is for sure, we are not here to say who is right, you or any of your therapists, we are only here to try to understand the best we can and to try to help you to see where is the problem. As the problem itself is real at least.

I am sorry if you have found anything said here to be unkind, I am sure it wasn't anybody's intention.

 

[Lotis]

It's all on us to decide what messages from our therapists we are willing to listen to and try out. They're only suggestions. I've never regretted any I've been given and the act of trying them has built a strong confidence in my own ability to make my life safe and healthy.

I agree Bloom to an extent. It is different when you start therapy as a child and are easily influenced by therapists who may do more harm then good and you do not have a stable situation at home. As an adult we also need to be careful because some therapists do send out the wrong messages and we may be influenced due to our past traumas to listen; regardless if it is bad or good.

It is great to hear you have had such positive experiences with mental health care. You have been fortunate enough to have wonderful support around you which is comforting to hear. I am sincerely happy that you were able to find support that potentially saved your life.
L

 

[Lotis]

Sure. Due to my abuse I was a very compliant person, had a very poor grasp on thinking for myse...

This sounds awful. I am sorry you had to experience this. Obviously, this person was very unhealthy and screwed up to take advantage (or try to) of a person trying to seek treatment and be healthy. I am glad you did not go down that path with her either. Kudos to you. Which tells me that you do have good judgement.
I can assure you that I am not doubting you at all.
L

 

[Bragado Jansing]

This sounds awful. I am sorry you had to experience this. Obviously, this person was very unhealthy and screwed up to take advantage (or try to) of a person trying to seek treatment and be healthy. I am glad you did not go down that path with her either. Kudos to you. Which tells me that you do have good judgement.
I can assure you that I am not doubting you at all.
L

You aren't, and other people haven't. I shouldn't take it so personally when people want to blame the victim, it's a common defense mechanism, especially when there isn't much anyone can do about all the bad stuff in the world.

When I say I was abused by highly intelligent sociopathic freaks, I'm not kidding about that. They are statistical anomalies when it comes to intelligence, and same with their sociopathic personalities. My lord I lived through some messed up shit. So that could be a part of my own trouble in finding help, because no therapist I've talked to has any clue whatsoever what to do with this stuff, because it's incredibly, incredibly rare.

A normal person in my circumstances would be dead; I'm probably only still kicking because in Kindergarten I had to be tested by psychologists after I took some aptitude tests and they said I was "gifted". My mom was a child prodigy when she was a kid, and her brothers were, too, so it's something that runs in the family.

So... it's probably not going to be easy for me to find a therapist who can work on this level, because I'm looking for a statistical rarity. Hence why I've had to create my own treatment out of scratch.

 

[BloomInWinter]

Yeah, except that you said it was me who was the problem.

You are of course free to put whatever meaning you want to my words, but that is not what I said. That you choose to take it that way is beyond my control but it is apparent that you don't wish to have my input unless it is to validate your existing view of therapy and therapists.

The comment about leaving the forum in response to my comments is reactive and dramatic, suggestive of all-or-nothing thinking. I understand that because that was me. Rejecting everyone and everything offered here based upon one comment is common for us traumatized people but it has a downside, such as missing out on some very wonderful, supportive people here.

I offered you my opinion based upon your request for input. I shall not respond further other than to say I hope you find what you are looking for and that it brings you peace.

 

[Bragado Jansing]

The comment about leaving the forum in response to my comments is reactive and dramatic, suggestive of all-or-nothing thinking. I understand that because that was me. Rejecting everyone and everything offered here based upon one comment is common for us traumatized people but it has a downside, such as missing out on some very wonderful, supportive people here.

I understand that, I just get bugged out when it seems like people are closing ranks and say that my experiences of something are wrong. Because they aren't wrong. I've had some really bad experiences with therapists in the past. And I'm currently having a lot of difficulty finding the right therapist for me.

It's got nothing to do with "not being ready". You ignored everything I've said here and made your own assumption here, and it inspired doubts in people's minds, and to me, that's abusive, not taking my own words at face value.

So you tell me to have peace while you chip away at my position here while ignoring my own experiences. No, I really don't like that at all, I have to be honest. There are very specific reasons behind my own difficulty in finding help, but I've certainly not found much support for that here; there has been one or two people who've been supportive, but I've gotten more gaslighting and doubt than that, which is the last thing I need.

 

[The Albatross]

I think seriously Bragado, I'd take a hard look at the rightful/justified self protectionist way you're looking at shrinks, HOWEVER, you are older and wiser now. I agree with Bloom. Then is not now. I'll expand later if you wish.