Think About Suicide A Lot

[Taylor30313]

A few years ago, I was heavily medicated, in therapy, and a danger to myself. Tried to commit suicide twice. And wound up in the hospital. Twice. I've come a long way. I'm not medicated, I'm not in therapy, and I haven't tried anything. BUT. To this day, I think about it. I want to do it and be successful but then I don't. I go to school and hold down a job and get out of bed every morning. Yet I think about when I should and how I would and I think about how to tell my family. Really it's disconcerting. Should I be concerned? Should I tell someone? When do I know it's for real? That might sound stupid but the first time I tried it just happened. Idk. It wasn't planned. It was all just too much..

 

[joeylittle]

If it's bugging you, it's reason to be concerned - simple as that. You know your mind best, and it sounds like you are bothered by the recurring thoughts.

You ask when it's 'real' - the thoughts (ideation) you are having right now are real enough. It's usually wisest for people with prior attempts to be especially cautious, because you don't exactly know what might flip you past ideation into an attempt.

Can you get into therapy again? You mentioned being in school - are there mental health services there?

Learning to manage and ultimately dismiss suicidal thoughts is a process, and basic DBT stuff (including mindfulness) can be very helpful.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Should I be concerned?

Yes!

Should I tell someone?

Yes!

When do I know it's for real?

In my opinion, all suicidal thoughts are "real" as all suicides started with suicidal thoughts. Yes, theres para-suicide and suicidal ideation but anything when it comes ending your life can end up that way.

Idk. It wasn't planned. It was all just too much..

All the more reason to be concerned and tell someone.

I think of suicide daily. My therapist knows and "suicide checks" me to see how suicidal im getting. Most of my attempts werent planned, they just happened because it was too much. Most of my attempts were ok then not ok trying to take all pills in the house or find something that will kill me.

No, not all suicide ideation ends in suicide but someone needs to know.

 

[Taylor30313]

If it's bugging you, it's reason to be concerned - simple as that. You know your mind best, and it...

Thank you for validating my thoughts, I struggle with doing that for myself lol. Tend to minimize how I feel. That does scare me. The first time was just a flip of a switch. Thought about it for a long time but then all of the sudden all I could think was I want to sleep and not wake up. Didn't even have time to write a note. So it's worrisome not being the "tie up loose ends" kind of person. I think I'll reach out to someone soon and talk to my college. Thank you, I needed a reply tonight.

 

[Taylor30313]

Yes!



Yes!



In my opinion, all suicidal thoughts are "real" as all suicides started with...

I'm sorry you struggle with this too. I don't want to make an decisions I'll regret. I hope it gets better.

 

[Truthful_Whispers]

I ponder it practically every day. I believe most people with ptsd or other severe mental afflictions do. As long as you don't form a plan, everything is okay.

 

[Chincho]

I ponder it practically every day. I believe most people with ptsd or other severe mental afflictions do.

So do I. Every single day.

My therapist and psychiatrist know, and we work together to find a "reason" to stay alive. Right now, my reason are my sons who lost their father (my husband) 18 months ago. It's too soon to make them go through all that grief again.

 

[Taylor30313]

So do I. Every single day.

My therapist and psychiatrist know, and we work together to find a "reason"...

I'm sorry for their and your loss. My dad past away 3 years ago and it hasn't gotten much easier. That is a great reason to stay.

I think I stay for my mom. I wouldn't want or at least mean to hurt her like that.

 

[Taylor30313]

I ponder it practically every day. I believe most people with ptsd or other severe mental affl...

Yeah, maybe you're right. I think it is really common in our community. It's scary to think about.