Support Group For Sexual Abuse

[Snowflake]

In May I began a SMALL support group for sexual abuse led by a therapist. The group is held either every other week or every 3 weeks or whatever is convenient for most. I have been to 3 groups-each time I have left emotionally messed up wanting to kill myself. All 3 groups there have only been 3- participants and all 3 times the other 2 talk and talk and talk.....with the last 10-15 on me-how are you??? The other 2 seem to be in a different healing stage then me too. Anyhow how do groups work. I sit there and politely listen but I feel neglected, ignored and scared to say anything. Furthermore the inconsistent scheduling is frustrating. I have emailed the therapist telling her I can't leave wanting to die-I need closure-she positively said we will work on it. Anyhow I am not sure I can do this-yet I need it so badly.

 

[anthony]

each time I have left emotionally messed up wanting to kill myself

Then you shouldn't be in group therapy, you're not stable enough for it, to be honest.

 

[Snowflake]

Then you shouldn't be in group therapy, you're not stable enough for it, to be honest.

To be honest I always tell myself "uh oh" when I see a response from you. Lol. Your honest and just say it- anyhow...
Maybe I shouldn't do it-but regardless what are groups like-what should I be expecting from it or how it runs?

 

[Justmehere]

I have been to three kinds of support groups run by therapists.

I have been to a group where people talk about the trauma in open ended process groups. I have been to a group where people don't talk about the trauma in specifics as a rule for the group (so people didn't get triggered a lot) but they do talk about skills to cope or challenges to recovery. I have also been to a group that was a mix of both.

The skills based groups (with a focus on learning DBT, CBT, or other skills to manage symptoms) have been both outpatient and inpatient. They tend to be very boundaried and structured to make sure it wasn't destabilizing for people. The skills based group therapy usually make sure there is space for all to talk, and tend to hold boundaries better. Even when I did art therapy as a group, which is fairly open ended, it was still focused on a specific task and goal, and all were heard.

The open ended process groups, where one person could use even the entire time, tended to be very triggering for me for many reasons. A lot more relational challenges seems to come up in them for many people. I could only do them on an on-going basis when I was in a intensive inpatient PTSD program. In that setting, we were encouraged to walk out at any time, and process with staff what was bothering us. They never told us we could walk out of skills groups, but only the open ended process group - it's that well known to be destabilizing.

For me, I was triggered by the therapist herself in those groups and I walked out and processed through it. It was really hard. I wanted the support, but it was too much for me to do at the time on an outpatient basis.

Plus, like all therapies, there are also therapists who do it well, and those who don't.

I'm impressed with how hard you are working to get more support and make this work. You are right that it's not a good thing to leave so destabilized you are suicidal. It may simply not be the right type of group therapy or therapist. It might be more helpful to look into a different kind of group therapy, or a different group therapist that is better skilled at holding the space for everyone in the group better.

 

[Snowflake]

I have been to three kinds of support groups run by therapists.

I have been to a group where people...

Thank you!!!!!

 

[Justmehere]

what are groups like-what should I be expecting from it or how it runs?

There are so many different types of group therapy, it's hard to answer this generally.

But, if you are struggling with managing triggers, it's better to stay away from the open ended support or processing types of groups. There may be a place for that down the road. Instead look into a DBT, CBT, or ACT skills (or other kinds of skills based groups). It's especially good if the therapist explains boundaries for all people in the group right up front and has it scheduled out in a predictable manner. Therapists who do that usually have their sh*t together enough to run them well. In these groups, I didn't talk about the details of trauma, but I did get a ton of support for all the suffering that comes for dealing with symptoms and it was super helpful for me. They challenged me to learn new things and try new stuff, but I felt supported in it. I usually left feeling a better than when I came, instead of triggered as all get out.

I hope you find what works for you! :hug:

 

[anthony]

but regardless what are groups like-what should I be expecting from it or how it runs?

Groups should not have you leaving at the point you want to go out and die. Being the case, wrong group, wrong discussion level, wrong intensity, for you.

Group therapy can be amazing when you're all in individual therapy, stable enough to discuss the topics at hand, and everyone has equal talking time. It is one of the main agendas for the moderator of group discussions... equality is everything, otherwise you get what is happening... i.e. you walking away wanting to kill yourself and not saying anything in group until the end.

The therapist is not good at moderating group discussion, from the sounds of it. You're out of your depth with the level of discussion causing such an extreme outcome for you, from what should be moderate discussion with some level of assurance (no different to therapy) that nobody walks away with high SUDS.

 

[EveHarrington]

Sounds like a bad fit and a therapist who doesn't know how to lead a group because 1) you don't seem to be at a good place for this group (she did a bad job of screening) and 2) she can't balance time amongst the members.

 

[sun seeker]

I kind of agree with @anthony, though I might have been less blunt. ;)

I'm sorry it isn't working for you, and can relate to what you are going through in some ways - support groups can be extremely stressful for me as well. I'd say work some more on relationships in general in therapy before delving into something as triggering as sexual abuse in a group setting. If groups in general are hard for you, you're really throwing yourself in the deep end with this one!

 

[KeepingTime]

I agree with everyone else in that this doesn't seem like a group that is moderated properly and maybe you aren't ready.
BUT! You are there. And you want to make this work. So I'll take a different approach.

Is there anything YOU can do to get your needs met in the group as it is now? It may be a good opportunity to stretch your vocal cords and voice your needs in the group as you have done with the therapist. Kuddos to you for voicing your needs!!! For me, that would be an accomplishment in itself!

Are there opportunities to jump in the conversations that you just aren't comfortable doing but may need to. I know it's hard when group members are at different levels of healing. But it sounds like maybe the other two have more dominant personalities also.

I'm just trying to think of ways to make it work instead of telling you that you can't do this. Assuming that if this wasn't important to you then you would have just quit instead of posting here and reaching out for help.

Are you also in individual t? Have you addressed this with your t?

Groups are so hard but can be good. I've been in both. But the nature of the beast is that all members are going to be "needy" in that you are all there because you need something and it sounds like instead of the moderator being structured seeing to it that all members are being addressed, you are having to fight hard for what you need.
If you think that she really will respond to your email and needs properly then give it a shot. But in the end you don't need something that is going to leave you wanting to die! That is the opposite of what you are trying to achieve with this.

Ok that was long and wordy, but I hate it when someone just tells me to just give up and quit. It makes me more determined to make it work! Lol I guess I'm just a rebel like that :cool:

 

[Snowflake]

I agree with everyone else in that this doesn't seem like a group that is moderated properly and ma...

Thank you- well I let my therapist know my concerns before she left for vacation. She comes back next week and I will talk to her more about it. I am not one to talk about things in group if others are talking unless something is directed to me. I am frustrated the therapist/moderator hasn't addressed it-it's very obvious. I don't think it's for me-I mean the moderator has her cell phone checking her text messages while listening. I just don't feel important enough to be there or be heard. Furthermore, the inconsistency is frustrating. Children need routine and consistency in their life-heck my childhood didn't have it-now group doesn't have it when I am suppose to be talking about my childhood. The next group is July 16th. So I have time.

 

[KeepingTime]

I'm glad that you will have time to discuss this with your t before you have to go back to group. That should help in your decision.

I definitely agree the inconsistency is difficult and somewhat unprofessional. This doesn't sound like a setting that is conducive to allowing yourself to feel safe and open to discuss a very difficult topic.

I am not one to talk about things in group if others are talking unless something is directed to me.

This is me too! I would sit quietly feeling unheard and unworthy of being heard, tho my head would be saying "hey, you have to speak up to be heard". So that inner conflict would be brutal. I have had the "don't speak" beat into me and it's really hard to overcome that imbedded voice.

I really wish you the best with your decision. I hope that you can evaluate what is best for you vs just out of fear. This may not be what's best for your healing right now. That's no reflection on you. It's just where you are. And you will have learned something by this experience so it's not a wasted effort. Even if it's just the ability to determine a good group from a bad one next time. :)

Take care of yourself first and foremost!