- Post starter
- #37
You are right.
I wrote her that I was insulted from her. She wrote me back that in the case of the next clients there was a special situation and she had to receive them on time.
You were right.
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Feeling That My T Don't Understand Me
- Post starter Hope1969
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I wrote her that I was insulted from her. She wrote me back that in the case of the next clients there was a special situation and she had to receive them on time.
You were right.
- Moderator
- #38
Sideways
VIP Member
She was rational. Frustrating, but far more helpful than an irrational T that leaves you overwhelmed with their feelings on the matter and gives you no space to feel your own.
She made an unnecessary comment. Unhelpful, but it was just a comment, and she is human (human with a headache).
Next client needed to be seen on time. If you were in crisis right before she was about to go on leave, you'd probably appreciate the same treatment maybe?
She takes holidays. Brings up very painful abandonment issues, but it's crucial that our T's take their leave and keep their own mental health in good shape.
I don't think you're being over-sensitive. You're struggling with incredibly painful issues, and she's your lifeline. She's all you've got. But she is just a T, she has other clients (that thought always really hurts for me), and she's packing stuff in before a holiday.
You're gonna be okay. She's gonna come back again. But she will only ever be your T. At times, we need them to be our guardian angel and knight in shining armour and capable of magically making our pain go away. But they can't. All she can do is keep a level head, keep herself well, and keep doing her job. That doesn't mean she doesn't care, it just means that her boundaries are set differently to how we'd ideally like them in a utopian world.
I'm sorry it's so painful for you right now. You will get through this.
She made an unnecessary comment. Unhelpful, but it was just a comment, and she is human (human with a headache).
Next client needed to be seen on time. If you were in crisis right before she was about to go on leave, you'd probably appreciate the same treatment maybe?
She takes holidays. Brings up very painful abandonment issues, but it's crucial that our T's take their leave and keep their own mental health in good shape.
I don't think you're being over-sensitive. You're struggling with incredibly painful issues, and she's your lifeline. She's all you've got. But she is just a T, she has other clients (that thought always really hurts for me), and she's packing stuff in before a holiday.
You're gonna be okay. She's gonna come back again. But she will only ever be your T. At times, we need them to be our guardian angel and knight in shining armour and capable of magically making our pain go away. But they can't. All she can do is keep a level head, keep herself well, and keep doing her job. That doesn't mean she doesn't care, it just means that her boundaries are set differently to how we'd ideally like them in a utopian world.
I'm sorry it's so painful for you right now. You will get through this.
@Ragdoll Circus -liking your response is just not enough. Your post was very good, much better said than I could but much of what I was thinking.
Our pain is our own, and another persons is just as important. We dont know what the T is going through at any given time. They have children with problems, aging parents, failed relationships, financial problems, health problems of their own.
If our experience is that nobody has cared for our whole life, we are going to believe that in the therapeutic relationship as well, and its never going to be good enough if we expect it not to be. That may come out in different ways, cant speak for anyone else, but for me it is feeling not even worthy of the hour. Heck, I am always watching the clock and tell my T that our time is almost up. lol Our goal is to learn to comfort ourselves, to learn to cope more effectively, etc.
Our pain is our own, and another persons is just as important. We dont know what the T is going through at any given time. They have children with problems, aging parents, failed relationships, financial problems, health problems of their own.
If our experience is that nobody has cared for our whole life, we are going to believe that in the therapeutic relationship as well, and its never going to be good enough if we expect it not to be. That may come out in different ways, cant speak for anyone else, but for me it is feeling not even worthy of the hour. Heck, I am always watching the clock and tell my T that our time is almost up. lol Our goal is to learn to comfort ourselves, to learn to cope more effectively, etc.
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- Post starter
- #40
Rationally I agree with everything you wrote
Emotionally I don't care. Her problems are not mine. And if she is not feeling well she can cancel the meeting. It is not my role to think about her problems. I have my own. All my life I was a parent to my parents and my brother. And know I am real mom to my son. I am paying her for my therapy not to understand her.
Yes T are human. They make mistakes. It is ok. If they know to take responsibility for they mistakes.
I agree that her problems are not yours. Yet the reality is, you can find a new therapist if you do not think she is competent. She can fire you as a client as well.
A therapist see's many clients in a day, and each one feel that there problems are of upmost priority. I do not agree with her snippy remark which sounded sarcastic by your accounts.
I was going by what you said in your last comment, that you were not having a really bad day, seeming the session was pretty light in comparison to some sessions. I do not know if she is in private practice, agency, or other situation, but believe me, therapists do not cancel there day even when they are not feeling well.
Please know I mean this with sincerity, but the world operates on rationality, not emotionality. Your emotions are a choice. It is beginning to sound as if there would never be a good enough reason for her behavior because that is NOT your problem. Where in fact, if she is going on vacation, she is likely attempting to wrap her week up without major incidents. You were not in crisis and she wanted to be on time all day long. After all, if she has another client and has to do an involuntary committment, she does have to cancel her day and attend hearings without pay or any compensation. They also have to attend trainings that are not a holiday. Often clients think they have an hour appointment, but in reality, it is 45-50 minutes and all notes must be done within that hour or on their own time as well. Good documentation is not only manditory-its the law.
Its her job to be rational. We often play out in therapy the way relationships play out in real life. This sounds like an opportunity to discuss. You want to scream at her. Maybe it is worth exploring what it is that you want her to do, and then she can tell you if that is possible and within therapeutic limits. Therapy should not be a mystery as far as techniques used.
As another poster stated, some clients bring crisis in the last few minutes. Actually, many do. I am guilty. (sometimes think therapy should be longer than an hr with trauma clients) If you became emotional and started crying, it would be much more difficult to end session.
I can see both sides. I also know that most therapists (with a masters degree and $80,000 education, often debt) earn about the same as a high school grad operating a fork lift in a warehouse. The therapist has to either be healthy enough to give you your hour and move on to the next client and not worry much about client criticisms, or she will be burned out and either be really bad or leave the field. Most go into the field due to having much compassion and empathy for others, and some are much better therapists. Only you can decide if she is that horrible of a therapist that she is no longer useful to you. Either way, there is likely someone that will fill your slot. It sounds like you might be vascilating between blaming yourself and blaming T, when in fact, how much progress do we make in one session? and social problems play out in therapy, and in group therapy very much so. Hope it doesnt sound like I am minimizing. Just know that where i live, clients dont email therapists or contact between appointments. If you have an emergency, go to ER and they will admit you. A bit cruel I do think, but reality.
Im really sorry you are going through all of this. I know finding a good match can be very hard.
A therapist see's many clients in a day, and each one feel that there problems are of upmost priority. I do not agree with her snippy remark which sounded sarcastic by your accounts.
I was going by what you said in your last comment, that you were not having a really bad day, seeming the session was pretty light in comparison to some sessions. I do not know if she is in private practice, agency, or other situation, but believe me, therapists do not cancel there day even when they are not feeling well.
Please know I mean this with sincerity, but the world operates on rationality, not emotionality. Your emotions are a choice. It is beginning to sound as if there would never be a good enough reason for her behavior because that is NOT your problem. Where in fact, if she is going on vacation, she is likely attempting to wrap her week up without major incidents. You were not in crisis and she wanted to be on time all day long. After all, if she has another client and has to do an involuntary committment, she does have to cancel her day and attend hearings without pay or any compensation. They also have to attend trainings that are not a holiday. Often clients think they have an hour appointment, but in reality, it is 45-50 minutes and all notes must be done within that hour or on their own time as well. Good documentation is not only manditory-its the law.
Its her job to be rational. We often play out in therapy the way relationships play out in real life. This sounds like an opportunity to discuss. You want to scream at her. Maybe it is worth exploring what it is that you want her to do, and then she can tell you if that is possible and within therapeutic limits. Therapy should not be a mystery as far as techniques used.
As another poster stated, some clients bring crisis in the last few minutes. Actually, many do. I am guilty. (sometimes think therapy should be longer than an hr with trauma clients) If you became emotional and started crying, it would be much more difficult to end session.
I can see both sides. I also know that most therapists (with a masters degree and $80,000 education, often debt) earn about the same as a high school grad operating a fork lift in a warehouse. The therapist has to either be healthy enough to give you your hour and move on to the next client and not worry much about client criticisms, or she will be burned out and either be really bad or leave the field. Most go into the field due to having much compassion and empathy for others, and some are much better therapists. Only you can decide if she is that horrible of a therapist that she is no longer useful to you. Either way, there is likely someone that will fill your slot. It sounds like you might be vascilating between blaming yourself and blaming T, when in fact, how much progress do we make in one session? and social problems play out in therapy, and in group therapy very much so. Hope it doesnt sound like I am minimizing. Just know that where i live, clients dont email therapists or contact between appointments. If you have an emergency, go to ER and they will admit you. A bit cruel I do think, but reality.
Im really sorry you are going through all of this. I know finding a good match can be very hard.
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- Post starter
- #42
she is a good match.
i am more calm today and understand why i behaved / felt the way i did. it was a trigger.
thank you very much for taking the time to answer me :-)
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