I Didn't Write It

[markymark]

In general, he remembers most of what happens - what he loses is flow of conversation ("What...

Such ritualistic behavior so similar to mine. Thank you for the detail of his experiences. I've just come off a two day period of lost time triggered by the violence seen in Minneapolis and Dallas. I'm inable to watch violent movies because of this.

Being a victim of sadistic assault myself, the 3 younger alters will take over and play this game of "distraction" with me. You can't turn in the TV or look at your phone without hearing somthing about it.

My wife said I went throughout my days but refused to drive and used a much more simple vocabulary and variations of pitch and sophistication. So she knew. She said there was a fearful element present but it didn't dabilitate me. I hate losing time, that's where the severe depression sets in.

One day I hope to be more like your husband and able to fully recall (even if it's dreamlike) events within disasociation. I truly believe it's the key to breaking this cycle of depression.

 

[KeepingTime]

I never actually brought any of this up to t but he dropped what felt like a bombshell on me today.

I was describing an image...a piece of memory. And he asked if I could go further. After I couldn't, he mentioned that I have parts that keep those memories from me..."protective parts". He asked me if I could talk to them and tell them that it's safe now to remember. I didn't know what to think. I semi-dissociated and he started talking directly to them. I felt something really weird. I faded in and out and he persisted that I needed to talk to them and tell them to let me see what is beneath that image.

My head is in a really weird place. I could feel and hear myself telling him to go away.

Just trying to make sense of this until I go back in a couple days. What does this mean?

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

I don't think it means anything beyond what you already know - that you have parts that keep information from you.

I know my reaction would be to panic, but I don't think that's the most helpful reaction. We all have parts and even parts that keep memories from us, so that we don't get overwhelmed by everything. Nothing you describe here is bonkers at all.

Plus, we can have parts - and even parts we can interact with like this - and not be DID. I've had a version of this conversation with my therapist and she insists that I'm not DID. (Although I do question that). Plus, it is what it is. Better to work with the parts than to deny them ... The treatment for DID and DDNOS are the same, anyways.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

I semi-dissociated and he started talking directly to them. I felt something really weird. I faded in and out

I have definitely been in that state before- semi-dissociated while a therapists talks to my parts. It's extremely strange the first time. I couldn't get to that stage for a long time. I had to be ready to accept them and talk with them before I was even semi-present during any conversations. It's such a strange feeling. I don't think it matters whether you call it DID or not in order to accept what's happening. I am comfortable having my DID diagnosis because it helped me steer myself in the best direction for me when I needed more intensive help. It's still weird, but I am starting to accept it's just how I portray myself in my brain in order to have made it through horrific things.

It is weird after having a dissociative experience like that. Having good orienting and grounding techniques can really help.

 

[WhisperingUnicorn]

I don't know if this might help but I listened to a testimony today that really touched me, and which I believe may prove very helpful with my husband in discerning how best to interact and love his "parts" .. especially the most "vulnerable" (such as his "child" parts) ..

This person has very definitive DID and his parts know themselves in very distinct ways, and he has achieved good internal communication and cooperation in how and when he "switches" .. and he suggested praying specifically for God to send his angels to GUARD and ENCOURAGE the younger or more vulnerable parts as they come forward to speak or share their memories .. He recommended that the counselor even pray specifically for two angels, one for each task, and perhaps even to ask God to instruct one holy angel to take each hand of the "child" as he/she comes forward so that darker "parts" might not interfere or prevent revelation ..

This resonated with me as just this morning my husband confessed that some of his anxiety comes from always waiting for his "Grumpy" side to "drop the hammer" on whatever "they" (he and his 2 child parts) might want. Grumpy still holds the deciding vote internally for him, so he feels powerless at times .. So I felt very strongly that this testimony of God's angels doing work INSIDE that my husband feels powerless to do for himself could be beautifully helpful .. Might also help you when approaching time face to face with your T?

I cannot attest except as a person of faith who believes in answered prayer, but was moved to share that bit, for whomever it might also help? :)

:inlove:

:hug:

~WU

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

@WhisperingUnicorn , that's a great testimony you heard of one strategy that works. Speaking for myself I believe in God, but not all of my parts do. If you suggested that an angel came and took their hands to hold them while they spoke, those particular parts would start explaining to you exactly why there are no angels and why there can be no God. I just wanted to share that with you because as someone with DID and very individual parts, some ideas that sounds helpful, wouldn't actually be so. I like that you are looking to help your husband and I hope that he finds a technique that helps- whether it be this one or another one. I also find it fascinating that you actually got to hear a person with DID speak. I'd like to be able to do that some day- share my experience with an audience- but for now, I must walk through this rough beginning with parts.