Grounding Vs Dissociation

[pixel]

regularly end up throwing a cushion between myself and my T

Do you mean you slam the cushion down to the floor? :confused:

Or gently toss it between yourselves? :shy:

 

[Justmehere]

That makes sense pixel. I think perhaps you actually need not just grounding skills - grounding alone while dealing with trauma is hell.

Grounding should be paired with ways to self soothe, find comfort and relief, and contain the feelings from the past so that what you can shift from the really uncomfortable and awful feelings in your body from the past, and to shift to the much better present, and feel some comfort and relief without having to resort to dissociation.

 

[pixel]

Ok, this is a wierd idea...

So, we dissociate to leave our body/reality, right?
And when we come back, we are in our body. But we don't like our body/reality.

Is it possible to come back in just a part of your body?
Like, say you dissociate, and stay in your mind but come out in just your arms. and so writing or drawing is your communication? you can still stay separate from the rest of your body which is holding the trauma!

Do you think we can train ourselves this method? as a stepping stone to "grounding" :tdown:

JMH, your comment got me thinking of it:

contain the feelings from the past so that what you can shift from the really uncomfortable and awful feelings in your body from the past, and to shift to the much better present, and feel some comfort and relief

 

[Justmehere]

Yep, actually my therapist will encourage me to come back even partly into my body. Sometimes my feet and hands feet present but not the rest of me. There are times too where I feel super floaty, and I'm only able to group out halfway, to where I'm floaty but much closer and more aware of my body. It is a good stepping stone!

 

[pixel]

That is so validating @Justmehere , thank you

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

I agree. I think it's possible. I dissociated physical pain in my shoulder for years because it was too traumatic. Not the best idea mind you, but it's true. I just didn't feel my arm. Until this summer when I have felt more able to deal with some things, then I was like, wow, my arm is still affected and not in a body memory way either.

 

[pixel]

I'm not sure why, but grounding seems to terrify me.

I'm trying to come up with a way to not do it, but still be present and satisfy my therapeutic needs.

 

[Justmehere]

The reason why people dissociate is because the feelings in the present about the pat feels too overwhelming. It makes sense that being present and grounding to be present feels scary. Working on ways to find safe comfort, and a sense of safety, and to titrate even verbal exposure to trauma work, might help make being grounded and present feel less bad.

It might help to practice things like mindfulness (which can be grounding) when not in therapy and not dealing with trauma. It actually often makes everything easier over time - not just trauma work, but doing life too.

DBT self help dot com has a lot of mindfulness suggestions and a lot of other free resources online too. Your therapist should be able to help build up some skills and practice with it talk too long before trying to process trauma.

I really like mindfulness even though I'm kinda crap at it, because it is just about being present and not always about trying to end the floaty escape from the pain of trauma. I do mindfulness stuff when cooking a lot, or when out walking my dog - easy things when I don't feels super dissociated. It helps then and it helps shore up a greater ability to be more present in therapy too.

Externally focused mindfulness feels so much less hard for me than focusing on being present in my body. It's easier for me to focus being present in this moment and noticing what's happening around me in this moment now, than grounding to be present in my body. Not sure that makes any sense....

 

[EveHarrington]

Grounding means you're present in all ways. The not being in your body thing is only one type of dissociation.

There is no way to be fully present but not grounded. (It contradicts itself.)

 

[Missycat]

Do you mean you slam the cushion down to the floor? :confused:

Or gently toss it between yourselves? :s...

She gently tosses to me and then she asks me to feel it, squeeze it and then throw it back. On some occasions she has sensed that i am angry so she will tell me to throw it back as hard as i can and that its ok as it wont hurt her. This works much better for me than looking and naming things in the room. She explained to me that this was because my dissociation had gone deep.
Before we process anything she explains to me that she will check at what stage i am in starting to dissociate or if im present.
Im surprised how exhausted i am afterwards, but the cushion technique seems to be working.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

It actually often makes everything easier over time - not just trauma work, but doing life too.

I love this line! Well worded and true.

 

[pixel]

Re-reading the thread and this caught my attention:

Externally focused mindfulness feels so much less hard for me than focusing on being present in my body

Never heard of this before. Interesting!

Do I understand properly —externally focused mindfulness is a form of grounding that focuses ones attention on the surroundings or environment.

For someone who can't ground into their body, this might work! :geek: