Failed Suicide, Wife Mad

[Joseph King]

Hi everyone,
I posted the other day about the fact that I jumped from 3-4 meters onto solid concrete. I survived and two men brought me home.

My concern is that my aunt, who is normally supportive, told me to go jump off a bridge when I emailed her.
This was prior to the jump.

My wife took great care of me last night. However today, she is mad at me for having to cancel her work appointments, etc.. She is not selfish, but what the heck? She is trying to get me to my therapist today, no luck yet.

I asked her to watch me this week for courtesy. Last night I thought out a better plan to finish the job. My concern is, now I am thinking of the aftermath a little more, yet her attitude makes me want to just get it done.

Normally I am easygoing, but feel a bit psychotic. I don't really care about anything going on here.

Any recommendations on my wife? My aunt has apologized and didn't know what had happened.

I care about my family, but some part of my brain is saying "I don't care". and I am not intoxicated on anything. Just taking my 60mg of duloxetine, and 4mg of klonopam from last night.

Thanks,
Joseph :)

 

[Silver.]

Hi Joseph, it sounds to me like you are at a pretty critical stage right now. You are asking your wife to watch you because you still feel suicidal? It seems to me, if you cannot get ahold of your therapist, you should seek out immediate help:
International Suicide Hotline (for Mexico, as I see that is where you are): Mexico 525-510-2550
Online Chat: http://www.suicidestop.com/suicide_prevention_chat_online.html
I know @joeylittle has a more comprehensive list, I cannot find it right now, I apologize.
There is also the emergency room.
Please be well x

 

[Virtues]

Do you mean klonopin??? my wife tried to commit suicide while on klonopin. I've got nothing but bad things to say about benzos. Are you taking it as needed or are you taking it every day? If you're taking it every day you may be in a depressive fog from it; I would recommend telling your psychiatrist about your attempt and other ideations immediately. You may think you're not intoxicated on anything but benzos can extremely alter your mood w/o you feeling like you are "high" or "buzzed" off of them. Please seek help from your psychiatrist immediately.

 

[Friday]

Really consider going inpatient during this medication switch. You've already attempted once, your impulse control is for shit, and you're still ideating pretty badly.

Of course your wife is mad. She almost lost you 2 days ago. Just think how mad you'd be if someone tried to kill her. That it's coming out sideways? She's human. That's going to happen. And even if she is a trained therapist? This is someone she loves (aka you). Most likely, though, she's not trained to be dealing with someone who is actively a risk to themselves.

Consider ...as in I strongly suggest... you call your therapist and ask them to help you go inpatient, as you've already attempted once and things are only getting rockier.

 

[digger]

If you feel you need to be on suicide watch, and it sounds like you do, then please get yourself some professional emergency support. It sounds like your wife doesn't feel equipped to manage this for you. That has nothing to do with her not caring about you, it just a huge thing to ask someone who is both so emotionally evolved and lacking the professional training to do.

I hope you can get the help you need.

 

[Snowflake]

She's scared

 

[shimmerz]

Part of PTSD is being responsible for one's own behaviours. This is how I see what is happening with you right now:

I am suicidal. I won't accept any help. I want my WIFE to feel responsible (which she will) every day of the rest of her freaking life when I decide (because I am pissed off at her attitude), to kill myself.

Although my wife is telling me what she needs in order to help me (for me to see my therapist immediately), I refuse. f*ck her. Her problem, not mine.

See the problem here? Nope, your wife isn't selfish. I would have opened the window for you before I walked out the door, never to look back. YOU are being selfish by putting this all on her. Help her help you and stop using suicide as a 'pay back' for the person who is trying to teach you to help yourself.

Seriously buddy.... who is the only person you are thinking of here?

 

[anthony]

Any recommendations on my wife?

It isn't your wife that needs help Joseph, it is you. You need to check yourself into a hospital if you don't want to die. If you do want to die, then you need to stop posting here, as you will get banned if you cross the line from ideation to suicidal intent. You're on that line here, just so you're aware. Please get yourself the help if you want to truly live. Your jump was a scream for help... but you have to want to help yourself. 3 - 4 metres is not a death height, and you know that. You want help, are trying to demonstrate it.... but you need to tell your wife you need help, and need professional care to help get you through this time in your life.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Crisis chat: http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/gethelp/lifelinechat.aspx

Crisis text: Link Removed

Or go to the hospital. I understand the fear, I cant talk at all when suicide so cant call anyone so thats why i have the chat and text.

I dont feel suicide is selfish at all, ive been suicidal my entire life, but most people do see it that way so until you ask for help (a therapist would be a great start! Why couldnt you get to a therapist?) then this wont change and people will be mad at you for not accepting help and in that respect i cant blame them. Your wife was by your side until you failed to go to a therapist. I cant blame her.

 

[sedna]

Do you mean klonopin??? my wife tried to commit suicide while on klonopin. I've got nothing but b...

Yes I agree. On another post I think he said he was taking a rather high dose of Klonopin. I had binge drinking, suicidal behavior and black outs on Klonopin too. The binge drinking was out of character for me and started with the high doses, but it took two years before I realized the prescriptions were my problem. They actually upped my doses when I said my behavior was crazy.

Klonopin is good for emergency panic attacks, or a few rough weeks once in a while. It is NOT made for being a daily med indefinitely. If you're on it and dont agree, then please just make sure you do some research and tell your doctor if you become manic.

 

[Sideways]

Of course she's mad. You scared the shite out of her. She came face to face with the prospect of having to bury her husband.

Part of your brain is telling you to try again. But that means the rest of your brain doesn't want to suicide. Focus on that part of your brain.

When it comes to suicide, it's incredible isolating. No one knows what pain you're in. And no one, not even your wife, can solve this problem for you. You're the one that needs to pick up the phone and get in touch with your therapist. Failing that? You're the one that needs to walk yourself into a hospital and get the care that you need to ride out this crisis period. Because that's what it is - a period. Only part of your brain thinks this is a good idea, the rest of your brain knows that this is a serious symptom of an illness that you have, and it passes, so you get yourself the help you need to get through in the meantime.

It sounds to me like your wife really loves you, but she's in an impossible situation. You can fix this. You. So please get yourself adequate help to get through.

 

[Justmehere]

Joseph -

Please pick up the phone and call a doctor, ambulance... Anything that can get you in touch with medical care right away.

You are taking strong doses of two medications that can cause suicidal thinking and actions, as well as the parasucidial acting out that you are engaged in. They can actually even backfire and make depression worse in a small subset of people.

Your prescribing doctor needs to know what is going on without any further delay.