Relationship Does My Wife Have Ptsd? She Has Been Raped Several Times.

[Neverthesame]

I can't add anything to what @Justmehere said.

Just wanted to reassure you that I don't think any different of you. I still see a loving husband who is desperate to help his wife and protect his family. I believe you when you say she is not behaving like herself. She sounds like a woman who is suffering greatly. So much so, she has been driven half mad trying to cope with it.

I do think you both need serious help, the sooner the better. Be aware also that under the UK mental health act. If your wife does something to endager the lives of herself or others, like she did with the car. This does qualify as an emergency. You can call 999 to have the police take her to hospital, where she will need to undergo a psychiatric assessment before she can be discharged.

I know she's not a horrible person, but her behaviour is getting out of control.
Endangering all three of your lives because you worded something poorly? This needs to stop, asap.

 

[Abstract]

Hi,

Lots if luck for tomorrow.

The one thing I will say is that you must describe the whole truth about this incident in the therapy session when its brought up. Its essential that the swerving towards the car, the previous talk about harm in various ways and the head hitting etc be mentioned. You are able to put things across reasonably and I am sure can put forward your concern about all of you. That you realise she isn't coping and something has to be done to help her and all of you. Please don't whitewash it in fear of causing her more stress. If she is this unstable then she has a choice to make as she isn't well enough to be driving or be responsible for children.

It might be worthwhile looking back and thinking if she has been able to take responsibility for her actions in the past.If this has worsened as she has become more unwell. Or if its a trait she has always displayed. Its likely to be easier to get through to her if the former is the case.

Try to take one thing at a time. Let your instincts lead you in the session and if you see the opportunity I am still strongly in favour of her seeing a psychiatrist for an evaluation. Formal diagnoses tend to both confront people in a way that is less easy to wriggle away from what needs to be done and they tend to open doors if those door are a possibility.

Try also to bring it back to what needs to be done next with this situation at home as it sounds like she is possibly just going to stick to defence mode.

 

[Friday]

You broke a toy. She drove a car (with her children in it) into oncoming traffic.

I'm supposed to think differently of you, because why?

 

[joeylittle]

@Lost001 - has she had a full physical exam, bloods drawn, etc?

And, forgive me if you already answered this - but do you mind sharing how old she is, and whether there is any history of mental illness (diagnosed or highly suspected) in her family? Also, whether there is any history of neurological disorders (such as alzheimers).

 

[Gs172003]

Suzetig, And All,

I want to be very careful not to cast too much of my own light on all of this. What...

She has a two month old?? Ok it sounds to me like that could be the issue. I'm NOT a professional but

Uncontrollable Anger Can Be a Part of Postpartum Depression

Sound familiar?

 

[NoWhereKnowWhere]

She needs someone to step in like yesterday. I didn't realise you're in the U.K. Some areas have a crisis team I'd look into that. I'd make an appointment with her GP and go with her if she refuses to go? Contact Social work, they have a bad name but they are there to help. They will get her inpatient treatment if she needs they will sort out childminders for you so you can continue to work. They will know what to do. She is not reliable with her own safety and that of your children. She needs help and support ASAP. Like someone said above I'm not surprised by her actions everything you've described shows a very unstable and impulsive person in a lot of pain. We don't know how people will react when they feel they have no way out. She cannot be trusted with her safety and the safety of the children. I'm not saying she's a bad person she's not well she needs help.

Take all of her threats seriously.

 

[Abstract]

How did it go? Please do come back and update us.

 

[Lost001]

Abstract,

Thank you for your care. I don't have long and I've deliberately not posted anything as I'm pretty sure no one needs to hear the in and out of our sessions. We've been twice already. We decided together to carry on seeing the first counsellor as a couple and I'll be referred on to another person that he he thinks is appropriate. He's not a psychologist or a psychiatrist. He's a counsellor and his approach is going to be to pick apart events and the emotions that have driven them. In the first session he told us that as my wife was clearly not able to cope the biggest short term benefit to our stability and improve my wife's situation is to focus on my ability to cope. He recognises that this isn't at the heart of all the things that are happening but that's what we will do as a couple. It was very hard to take but I swallowed it down. There's no talk yet of her seeing anyone else for therapy. Although I'm surprised I am pretty sure he and I are on the same page that she's not ready to hear it. As and when it's appropriate that topic will come up.

My son was with us this weekend. I tried to spend some time with him doing chores in the garden. One thing and another it didn't get done. The focus came onto her, her annoyance at toothpaste being left inside the tube lid and the back door handle not being left in the up position. Things overflowed when the washing machine was running and being noisy. The bearings are shot. It resulted in her charging downstairs and ripping the machine out from under the counter and leaving it in the middle of the kitchen. It's a very heavy machine. There power cable was pulled out of the back of the machine, live wires shorted out inside the machine and thankfully the fuse in the plug blew. I left it where it was trying to keep calm at this. After 20 minutes or so she realised the machine wasnt running and hit the on button several times with the heel of her hand. I then stepped in to fix it which took all the time I'd intended to have with my son away.

It was probably friction with me earlier on that set this off, that is me standing up to her intolerance at seemingly trivial things. The tooth brushes and tooth paste have to be very precisely arranged. The toilet roll must be a particular way around and no jagged edges. I try to take as much heat as I can for these things away from my son but these are things that start to build pressure from the first thing in the morning. There is so much mess around the house that I have to leave well alone but be highly cautious of things that she calls OCD.

It's not the only thing that happened at the weekend. I'm at my limit of what I can tolerate and I'm not always able to shut my mouth and internalise things that inflame her. The counsellor suggesting that I'm the one that has to learn to cope more because she can't has left me reeling. I see his point and I'm going to try harder. Whomever said on this thread that is going to get worse before it gets any better was damn well right. I feel very despondent that there will be no end and the best it will ever be is me having to cope more (I refuse to say better today, absorbing this long term is no improvement to my own well-being). I'll try to concentrate more on progress and positives things from this point on this thread and not on the negativity that I have been. It feels like treading water with an abyss beneath me.

Matt

 

[Neverthesame]

I'm glad you gave us update.

Though I'm not going to lie, I'm a little concerned about what I'm reading.

I'm at work so I can't take too long to write out more.

Am I reading this right?

What did this counsellor say about her outburst in the car?
What did he say to do when something like that happens?

 

[Octavia4856]

Most likely she does have PTSD, depression, and anxiety. She might even be bi-polar. She needs to get into counseling and get on some kind of medication. Depending on how severe things are, she could be a threat not only to herself but to you and your children.

I was raped and molested from 9 to 16. My ex beat and raped me on a daily basis. He put me in the hospital when I was 4 months pregnant with our daughter and I almost lost her.

Trust me on this, the pain and memories will NEVER go away, but counseling and medication will definitely help. Support groups are good too. Being able to vent to others in your shoes has helped me. I joined this site in search of others with similar pasts to mine.

You guys cannot go on like this. My fiance has been my rock and getting me through my break downs. I just started taking Zoloft today and hoping that goes well. There are many medications out there and she should consult her doctor for help... good luck to you both!

 

[Gs172003]

Abstract,

Thank you for your care. I don't have long and I've deliberately not posted anything as I'm...

My God. Some of this sounds like my first husband. And he never got better.

He would yell at me if the toilet paper was the wrong direction. He would yell at me if he didn't like the way I did things with the kids. Etc etc etc.

But he is still just as bad. Except he drags everybody else with him.

It's NOT YOU. ITS HER.

I don't understand why this counselor is making it your responsibility to make sure the little Mrs. is happy at all times as to keep the peace. In my opinion it's fueling the fire. I say that because my ex would have always found SOMETHING that would have been wrong regardless of what was going on.
And...it's not just about her.
You have children. And you.

SHE needs to get stable NOT be tiptoed around. That is just my humble opinion.

 

[Neverthesame]

Ok I'm done work. Reread what you wrote.

@Lost001 I'm not a little concerned. Im alot concerned.
This is scary mate.
She destroyed a washing machine nearly causing disaster from either electrocution or fire, because it has squeaky bearings?

And this counsellor thinks you should just suck it up and take it?

What would happen if you didn't take the "blame" for your son?
How angry will she get for leaving a raggedy end on the toilet roll? Or toothpaste in the lid?

I honestly don't think there will ever be a good time for her to deal with this.

The counsellor suggesting that I'm the one that has to learn to cope more because she can't has left me reeling.

It should. Get another opinion. This cannot be the correct way deal with this.

I'm so sorry this is what they told you. It's not right.
Accepting abuse never makes it end.

Please get a second opinion. If not for you, your children.