Sufferer I Feel Lost Again.

[Windydarlin]

Hey guys and gals.
I'm obviously new to this site. I'm not exactly sure where to start... I guess diagnosis would be good. I suffer with PTSD, Borderline personality disorder, bipolar disorder, generalized anxiety and social anxiety. I'm 21 and I have a 5 year old son. I've been raped, beaten, manipulated, taken advantage of, and ultimately broken. I have times where I almost feel normal for a little while and then I'll be hit with a day full of flashbacks and pain. The nightmares never leave though. I feel totally alone. My family has no idea what I've been through, they have no idea what they've done. My boyfriend consistently blames me for the problems my mental illness cause me. My friends don't understand they can't grasp what I've been through. Or what I go through everyday. I'm currently living in hell and I don't know how to escape. I'm trapped and alone. I honestly don't know how to deal, but I have to find a way. I'm ready to fall apart. I'm pretty sure if I do I'll be the only one picking up my pieces... again. I'm tired.

 

[Ronin]

Hi Windydarlin,

Glad you found us, though sorry you're here.

Is there a way to ditch your friends and boyfriend? Sounds to me they don't twice help your situation and you might be better off without their input. You deserve better.

 

[chant2012]

Hey guys and gals.
I'm obviously new to this site. I'm not exactly sure where to start... I guess d...

I can relate to not having many people if any in 3D life that understand. It's so disheartening. It causes severe flashbacks. And my BF is understanding or at least tries to be but he'll say hurtful things something that I perceive as if I'm being attacked for my mental illnesses due to my traumas and abuses. It feels like a constant battle. You have my support. Welcome to this place.

 

[Windydarlin]

Hi Windydarlin,

Glad you found us, though sorry you're here.

Is there a way to ditch your friends and b...

It's never that easy. He's not always that bad. There's a lot of times where he's the only person who can calm me down or make me feel safe again. Not to mention I love him. I told him today that I can't deal with him throwing it in my face. That he needs to make an effort to find out how to handle me and be what I need. Well see if anything changes.

 

[Windydarlin]

I can relate to not having many people if any in 3D life that understand. It's so disheartening. It c...

It's really hard to deal with. It's not like I haven't tried talking it's just that nobody listens. I hope he can try to understand me. I told him about the Nami support group/seminar thing for understanding mental illness. I hope he'll go, maybe that will help.

 

[joeylittle]

Hi @Windydarlin - and welcome.

That's great, that you looked into the NAMI support network - keep encouraging him to go. Sometimes those seminars can be attended by both sufferers and their supporters, so maybe you could go with him, depending.

Are you currently in therapy, or on any medication?

 

[EveHarrington]

Welcome! :hug:

 

[Windydarlin]

Hi @Windydarlin - and welcome.

That's great, that you looked into the NAMI supp...

I just started back with therapy yesterday actually. I'm not on any meds at the moment, because the last doc I had just kept adding medication after medication. I'm looking for another, but our mental health care system sucks terribly where I live.