Boundaries

[Snowflake]

I think most of us struggle with boundaries ...in therapy or daily life. What area do you find is the most difficult when it comes to boundaries?

 

[SeanCharles]

Whew! Another topic for me to 'process' in my time of self-awareness/examination. This has been a major problem for me. Since I had been aware of this problem by a T that I am no longer seeing, I have and still struggle with this at times.

I think most of us struggle with boundaries ...in therapy or daily life. What area do you find is the most difficult when it comes to boundaries?

For me, it's both my own boundaries and also being aware of and respectful of others' boundaries. Thank you for giving me another "Ah ha!" as I call these. :)

 

[Eagle3]

Boundaries are actually kind of a problem, but on the other side of the spectrum. I tend to respect boundaries to the point of never standing up for myself or asking for my own needs to be met. I put other people's boundaries and requests FAR ahead of my own. This comes from having clinical/ministerial ethics and boundaries beat into me at a VERY early age...its the only way or interacting with others that I know to use! I'm learning to make healthy requests and not be so closed-off with others. I'm learning to accept that I have needs too, and its ok for me to find ways for people to help me meet those needs. I will always inconvenience myself in order to not make life difficult for others, but I'm getting better at not having such stringent boundaries.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Boundries is a big thing with me. I have big issues setting them to begin with as i feel i should be available to anyone for anything or im being an ass.

Then once set i have issues enforcing it. I feel like im being an ass or difficult.

I have issues with boundries all around but i am just learning how to set a few and enforce those few small ones. Its a big BIG step for me.

 

[Powder]

I agree with @Eagle3 but I tend to either say nothing because I don't want to bruise someone's boundary, or I try to help and am too blunt.

With my personality type, and PTSD, I don't think it's going to be easy for me to figure out how to lovingly do something without wondering if I really understood the other person's boundaries. I really try and I do think a lot of this is learned, or maybe all of it is learned behavior.

 

[Snowflake]

For me, it's both my own boundaries and also being aware of and respectful of others' boundaries.

I agree-a big issue for me too.

 

[Snowflake]

. I tend to respect boundaries to the point of never standing up for myself or asking for my own needs to be met. I

I never stand up for myself-always thinking about others and their needs. I would like to get to a point when I can say what I need and not feel bad about it.

 

[NatBird]

@Snowflake good topic.

I find boundaries most challenging when attempting the vulnerability that helps people to connect, mainly knowing how much is too much and when?
I tend not to know so keep my cards to my chest = withold. This is slowly changing as it doesnt help to build relationships but neither does a big gush!

I used to have no problem with boundaries until I understood what I was doing was 'walling'. So I guess I have an issue of elasticity When a boundary is put in place then crossed how to manage that without disconnection?
I have tried -- I asked you not to do this, I feel like this when it happens -- but how many times do you say that speil before you cut the chords? And even then, how do you do that in a way that doesn't leave a train of burnt bridges at your back?

Lol, apologies, I ought to start my own thread with so many questions! Anyway, these are the areas I struggle in.

 

[Snowflake]

@Snowflake good topic.

I find boundaries most challenging when attempting the vuln...

Exactly!

 

[ladee]

My biggest boundry issue is if I am being scapegoats. I have a knee jerk reaction ,get defensive and angry. It takes days for me to stop ruminating about it. This is still a work in progress for me. I can think of all kinds of replies three days after the fact.

 

[Snowflake]

t defensive and angry. It takes days for me to stop ruminating about it. T

Omg yes!!!! My therapist asked me yesterday how long it would take me to stop thinking, worrying, beating myself up about something. I told her it will take at least a week.

 

[Abstract]

HI, :)

I didn't really have any for the longest time. I was trained not to. I had some when it came to others being harmed but for myself I didn't even realise I had a right to have them.

I started reading a couple of books on boundaries a few years ago and found it destabilising. I had to stop reading. One thing they mentioned that resonated with me was that healthy people have flexible boundaries and can then decide what suits different situation. It's a little in line with what Natbird mentioned, I had almost none then did a lot of therapy that taught me assertiveness awareness etc; I then worked on my dissociation and am much better with this all. Only trouble is I have now swung in the other direction. I am struggling not to close myself off from people entirely. I was always terribly independent and shutoff but previously the inability to disengage with people kept me part of the world. Now I feel at risk of just removing myself completely. I think it;s a form of overly rigid boundaries. Confusing!