C
caramell_3lkc
I have 5 siblings -4 older, 1 younger. I am the only one not married, no children.
My biological mother left when I was 1.5 years old. My older siblings had a mother, albeit some for a shorter time than others. After she left, I was the only one left to the care of my grandparents. My grandfather sexually molested me until i was 7, the arrival of my stepmother. I tried to tell my father when i was 6 that i didnt want to be with my grandparents. He yelled at me and dragged me back without asking why, swearing at me the entire time. When i told my grandmother, she beat me so bad and told me she would kill me if i told anyone. After that, she stood guard at the door and let my grandfather continue to molest me.
My father was no parent to me at all. He never spoke to me other than "go to school" and "goddamn you". My younger brother arrived when I was 9. I was made to look after him by myself every day after school, feeding, bathing, diapers and keep him occupied.. He was doted upon by my parents when they had time. When i was old enough, i had to work in our restaurant, look after my brother and go to school. No life.
My oldest sister had married and came home for a visit. I was 11. I had cleaned the entire house, except for my room, from exhaustion. She beat the hell out of me and shoved my into the dryer, turning it on and locking the door. I have deformed muscle tissue where she hit me, lumps and scars to this day. She laughs to this day, saying I deserved it.
By my teenage years, my sisters had all left the house. My older brother molested me over a period of weeks. I was too ashamed and never told anyone.
At 17, I asked my dad to go to college. He said no, I was gonna work and pay rent, girls didn't need school. They helped pay for my older brother's apprenticeship and although he was supposed to pay rent when he began working full time, he often did not without consequence. I got yelled at if my rent was late. I moved out a few months later. My brother lived at home doted on until he was 30.
When I was 25, i told my second oldest sister about my grandfather. For some time, she was trying to gain favour with my biological mother who had remarried and was wealthy. When i told my sister her reply was "so what. Who gives a shi*t. It's always about you." Apparently my mother always asked about me and my sister resented me for it. My sibling next oldest to me has never bothered to form any connection, despite living 3 streets over.
My siblings all travel together, visit each other's homes, take vacations, rent a cottage, talk on the phone, shopping, go out for dinner, play cards and such with each other. I'm not invited and only learn when I happen to run into them at the same store or it slips out during conversation. I have lived in the same town for 8 years. Not one has ever called me if I didnt call first. Often, the call would not be returned. I dont call anymore. Not one has ever stopped in for a visit. They used to drop off food packages from my parents at the door with the car running and say they're in a hurry. But then I see their cars at each other's homes 20 minutes later, and still there for more than an hour as I walk my dog around town.
My cousin was getting married. All my siblings knew and were going together. I found out the day of the wedding via Facebook an hour before the reception. Partly my cousins fault, but not one of my siblings mentioned anything though I had seen them daily that week.
I grew up in vaccuum - void of connection, conversation, warmth, safety, support. I had an employer for parents, had to look after a baby at 9, and 5 siblings who think they're superior to me. I lived in the same house, but after my mother left, so did the idea of family.
After being forced to practicallynraise my younger brother at an early age, I didn't want children.
From being molested, abused, and rejected by the members of my family, I have a hard time trusting, and forming relationships of any kind, platonic or romantic. People I do meet are constantly trying to take advantage of me in some way or we have nothing in common.
In addition, my family continues to treat me as second class, like an idiot, invalidating every thing I say or do, even if I'm right. I am the outcast. The last year, I no longer attend family functions, and no longer offer to hold any, since I'm rejected when I do anyways. I started to feel better until my father's emotional blackmail to try to force me to go, but it's a full on battle of yelling each time, and it's wearing me down.
I would like to have absolutely no contact all at with anyone in the immediate family, except my father became ill and needs someone to help take care of him. My stepmother is starting dementia. Which brings me in contact and conflict with everyone. I figured out what was wrong with my father, got him to specialists who confirmed the diagnoses. Noone else accepts that am right, so they won't help all the while telling me i'm wrong, even though the specialist agreed. My father won't ask them to except occasionally. He needs help daily. I have nothing to say to my dad when I'm there, only perform my duties like a personal support worker, do their shopping, errands, doctors appts etc.
Trying to stand my ground but my knees are wobbling, I'm so tired of this. I know I can walk away from the siblings without regret, what about parents? Trying to find my way out ofnthe darkness...
My biological mother left when I was 1.5 years old. My older siblings had a mother, albeit some for a shorter time than others. After she left, I was the only one left to the care of my grandparents. My grandfather sexually molested me until i was 7, the arrival of my stepmother. I tried to tell my father when i was 6 that i didnt want to be with my grandparents. He yelled at me and dragged me back without asking why, swearing at me the entire time. When i told my grandmother, she beat me so bad and told me she would kill me if i told anyone. After that, she stood guard at the door and let my grandfather continue to molest me.
My father was no parent to me at all. He never spoke to me other than "go to school" and "goddamn you". My younger brother arrived when I was 9. I was made to look after him by myself every day after school, feeding, bathing, diapers and keep him occupied.. He was doted upon by my parents when they had time. When i was old enough, i had to work in our restaurant, look after my brother and go to school. No life.
My oldest sister had married and came home for a visit. I was 11. I had cleaned the entire house, except for my room, from exhaustion. She beat the hell out of me and shoved my into the dryer, turning it on and locking the door. I have deformed muscle tissue where she hit me, lumps and scars to this day. She laughs to this day, saying I deserved it.
By my teenage years, my sisters had all left the house. My older brother molested me over a period of weeks. I was too ashamed and never told anyone.
At 17, I asked my dad to go to college. He said no, I was gonna work and pay rent, girls didn't need school. They helped pay for my older brother's apprenticeship and although he was supposed to pay rent when he began working full time, he often did not without consequence. I got yelled at if my rent was late. I moved out a few months later. My brother lived at home doted on until he was 30.
When I was 25, i told my second oldest sister about my grandfather. For some time, she was trying to gain favour with my biological mother who had remarried and was wealthy. When i told my sister her reply was "so what. Who gives a shi*t. It's always about you." Apparently my mother always asked about me and my sister resented me for it. My sibling next oldest to me has never bothered to form any connection, despite living 3 streets over.
My siblings all travel together, visit each other's homes, take vacations, rent a cottage, talk on the phone, shopping, go out for dinner, play cards and such with each other. I'm not invited and only learn when I happen to run into them at the same store or it slips out during conversation. I have lived in the same town for 8 years. Not one has ever called me if I didnt call first. Often, the call would not be returned. I dont call anymore. Not one has ever stopped in for a visit. They used to drop off food packages from my parents at the door with the car running and say they're in a hurry. But then I see their cars at each other's homes 20 minutes later, and still there for more than an hour as I walk my dog around town.
My cousin was getting married. All my siblings knew and were going together. I found out the day of the wedding via Facebook an hour before the reception. Partly my cousins fault, but not one of my siblings mentioned anything though I had seen them daily that week.
I grew up in vaccuum - void of connection, conversation, warmth, safety, support. I had an employer for parents, had to look after a baby at 9, and 5 siblings who think they're superior to me. I lived in the same house, but after my mother left, so did the idea of family.
After being forced to practicallynraise my younger brother at an early age, I didn't want children.
From being molested, abused, and rejected by the members of my family, I have a hard time trusting, and forming relationships of any kind, platonic or romantic. People I do meet are constantly trying to take advantage of me in some way or we have nothing in common.
In addition, my family continues to treat me as second class, like an idiot, invalidating every thing I say or do, even if I'm right. I am the outcast. The last year, I no longer attend family functions, and no longer offer to hold any, since I'm rejected when I do anyways. I started to feel better until my father's emotional blackmail to try to force me to go, but it's a full on battle of yelling each time, and it's wearing me down.
I would like to have absolutely no contact all at with anyone in the immediate family, except my father became ill and needs someone to help take care of him. My stepmother is starting dementia. Which brings me in contact and conflict with everyone. I figured out what was wrong with my father, got him to specialists who confirmed the diagnoses. Noone else accepts that am right, so they won't help all the while telling me i'm wrong, even though the specialist agreed. My father won't ask them to except occasionally. He needs help daily. I have nothing to say to my dad when I'm there, only perform my duties like a personal support worker, do their shopping, errands, doctors appts etc.
Trying to stand my ground but my knees are wobbling, I'm so tired of this. I know I can walk away from the siblings without regret, what about parents? Trying to find my way out ofnthe darkness...
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